Book of Etiquette Volume Ii Part 30

Calls are paid just as frequently in France as they are in America.

Between two and six o'clock in the afternoon is the correct time for calling in the former country. One observes very much the same conventions of calling that one does here in America, except that the gentleman wears both his gloves when entering a drawing-room, and that the hostess does not rise to welcome a masculine caller. (However, the French hostess always does rise to greet an elderly gentleman, a distinguished person, or a member of the clergy.)

French introductions are never haphazard, never careless. The hostess introduces freely all the guests that a.s.semble in her home, but she is not, as the American hostess sometimes is, careless and hurried. In acknowledging an introduction, a brief, polite greeting should be expressed; French people rarely shake hands.

The significance of the bent visiting card still remains in France, though here in America it has been almost entirely eliminated. When a hostess finds the card of a friend or acquaintance, with one of its corners turned down, she knows that that friend called for the purpose of a visit but found no one at home. In fact, that is almost the only time when cards are left in France--when the person called upon is not at home. However, a dinner call is often paid by the simple process of card-leaving.

CORRESPONDENCE

The French people are very particular in their correspondence. Certain set rules of salutation and closing are observed, and the margins themselves have a particular significance. For instance, when writing a letter to a French person, a wide margin should be left on the left side of the sheet; and the greater the social prestige and distinction of the person addressed, the wider this margin must be.

A man writing to another man who is an intimate friend begins his letter in this manner: "Mon cher Frederick," or "Mon cher ami." The closing to this letter would be, "Bien a vous," or "Bien cordialement a vous." When the two men are not intimate friends, a letter should begin, "Cher Monsieur," or "Mon cher Monsieur Blank," and should end with "Croyez a mes sentiments devoues." Strangers address each other merely as "Monsieur," and close with "Recevez je vous prie l'a.s.surance de ma consideration distinguee."

When writing to a woman friend, a man begins his letter with "Chere Madame et ami," or "Chere Mademoiselle." But when he is a stranger or just a slight acquaintance, he begins his letter with "Madame" and concludes it with "Veuillez, Madame, recevoir l'expression de tout mon respect." The French have very pretty expressions of greeting and conclusion, and they expect every well-bred person to use them.

A woman writing to a gentleman addresses him in the following manner, if he is an intimate friend: "Monsieur," or "Cher Monsieur Brown," and she closes the letter with the courtesy phrase, "Agreez, cher monsieur, l'expression de mes sentiments d'amitie." Greetings and closings are more formal when the woman addresses a masculine stranger or slight acquaintance by letter. She begins simply with "Monsieur," and closes with, "Veuillez, monsieur, recevoir l'expression de mes sentiments distingues."

Special forms of address and conclusion are used when writing officers in the French army. A general or commander are addressed in the following manner: "Monsieur le general," or "Monsieur le commandant."

The letter should be couched in terms of most exact respect.

Tradespeople in France are addressed by letter in the following manner: "Monsieur C.," or "Madame C.," and the conclusion should be, "Agreez, Monsieur C., mes civilites." A servant should be addressed with "Je prie M. Smith (or Mad. Smith) de vouloir bien."

In France abbreviations on the envelope are considered very bad form.

M. may never be used for Monsieur, nor may Mlle, be used for Mademoiselle. The full t.i.tle and name must appear on the envelope.

THE AMERICAN IN GERMANY

The American who finds himself in Germany for the first time is likely to be puzzled and embarra.s.sed by the numerous different manners and customs in each little town and duchy. What is correct in one place, may be incorrect elsewhere. Thus it is impossible to give certain rules of etiquette to be followed by the American in the German Empire. He must be guided by good judgment and by the advice of his German friends.

However, one may be certain of one thing--throughout the length and breadth of the German empire the greatest ceremony is observed in correspondence of all kinds. As great courtesy and respect is paid the stranger as the friend. When writing to a man or woman of social distinction, this impressive inscription appears on the envelope and begins the letter: "To the high and well-born Mrs. Robert Smith." It sounds, perhaps, a trifle crude in the English, but in the native German it is a pretty and courteous phrase and a true expression of respect.

When writing to a person of lesser social importance, as a business letter, for instance, one should begin with "Honored Sir." The expression, "Lieber Freund," should be used only when writing informally to a dear friend. In fact, the same method of address as is used in writing English letters may be used when writing to friends and acquaintances in Germany.

The hours for paying calls and leaving cards differ in the various localities. Ordinarily, the correct time would be between half-past three and half-past four o'clock in the afternoon, although in some localities calls are not considered correct before five o'clock. In Germany, card-leaving should be followed in the same manner as card-leaving in the United States.

When meeting a feminine acquaintance in Germany, the American gentleman does not wait for recognition to come from her, but immediately bows and raises his hat. As in France, he may request a lady to dance with him, at a ball, without having first requested an introduction. And also, as in France, it is considered polite to bow and raise one's hat to the ladies who are at the same hotel, although here again, the privilege does not serve as an introduction.

At all times, men and women in Germany should be given full recognition of their t.i.tles and positions. A German woman always enjoys the t.i.tle bestowed upon her husband. The wife of a general expects to be addressed as "Mrs. General Blank," and the wife of a doctor should be called "Mrs.

Doctor Blank." Men of official or professional rank and t.i.tles are addressed as, "Mr. Professor, Mr. General, Mr. Doctor, etc." "Herr Doktor Smith" is the correct German form--and to omit the _Herr_ is a breach of good conduct.

THE PERFECT AMERICAN TOURIST

Unfortunately, there are some Americans who go abroad each year merely because it is the "fas.h.i.+on" to do so, and because they wish to impress their friends and acquaintances at home with their social distinction and importance. These people are wont to let their money talk for them--instead of their manners. But there are many things that wealth will not excuse; and among them is lack of courtesy and breeding.

The American abroad, whether he is traveling for pastime, pleasure or business, should remember primarily that he is a representative of the United States, and that as such he owes his country the duty of making his manners a polished reflection of the manners of all Americans. He must be courteous, polite, kind, _gentlemanly_. He must conform with the customs of the country he chances to be in, and he must avoid all suggestion of superiority on his part, or disdain for the customs of the other country.

There is a certain fellow-feeling, a certain sympathy and kindliness that can take the place of conventionalities when one is not sure of the customs of certain countries. Perhaps you do not know the French language, and you wish to have a window raised while you are traveling on a French railroad. Is it forgivable to bend across a man or woman and raise the window without a word of excuse, or a cordial smile of understanding? And yet how often do we see this thing done! Many a seemingly well-bred man or woman will raise the window next to another man or woman without so much as asking permission to do so! The proper thing to do when one does not know the language, is to smile in a cordial manner to the person or persons in the vicinity of the window, indicate that you would like to have it raised, and wait until your request is understood and granted before you venture to raise it. Then a polite "Merci," which means "Thank you," and which everyone should know and remember, should be given.

It is not always easy to do and say what is absolutely correct when one is in a strange country among people who speak a strange language. But he who is kind and courteous at all times, who has a ready smile and a polished manner, will avoid much of the embarra.s.sment that awaits the tourist who is indifferent and careless. The proverb, "All doors open to courtesy," is as true in France and England as it is in America.