Book of Etiquette Volume Ii Part 29

The Lord Mayor of London is ent.i.tled to the honorary t.i.tle of "His Lords.h.i.+p." He may also be addressed as "My Lord Mayor" at social gatherings.

AT THE COURT OF ENGLAND

The social activities of the English Court, and the etiquette governing these activities, should be known and thoroughly understood by every American who ever intends to visit that country. The war interfered slightly with the functions of the court, but with the return to normal these have been resumed with all their pre-war ceremony.

Usually four Courts are held every season, two in the early part of spring, and two at equal intervals later on. This may be altered, however, to suit conditions; as, for instance, in Nineteen-Fourteen there were only three Courts, and in Nineteen-Fifteen there were none at all.

American women who wish to be presented at Court may either be presented by the wife of the American Amba.s.sador or by some English woman of t.i.tle and position who has herself been received by the Queen. The American Amba.s.sador has the privilege of sending to the authorities in whose hands the matter rests, the names of several American women suitable for presentation at Court. Those who wish this privilege, should register their names at the offices of the Emba.s.sy in London, sufficiently ahead of time for due consideration.

In addition to the registering of her name at the Emba.s.sy, the woman who wishes to be presented at Court should bring to the Amba.s.sador a letter of recommendation from some member of the American government who is well known to the Amba.s.sador. Then, if the application is accepted, her name and credentials will be sent to Buckingham Palace, from whence invitations will be issued if the Amba.s.sador's list is approved.

Having gained the coveted invitation to appear at the Court of Her Majesty, the Queen, the American woman must be careful that she knows exactly what to wear.

WHAT TO WEAR TO COURT

Before attempting to appear at Court, the American woman should consult a reliable modiste. She will be able to tell her exactly the correct thing to wear at her presentation.

Court gowns invariably have trains, and the head dress is always elaborate. The dress itself must be fas.h.i.+oned according to the style of the moment, and in this the woman must be guided by her dressmaker. For a young, unmarried woman a dress of thin, light-colored material is suggested, unadorned by jewels of any kind. The matron may wear diamonds or pearls, but must not attempt to emulate the gaudiness of a Queen Elizabeth.

The well-bred woman will not feel awkward in the vast room where all the great personages are a.s.sembled. She will learn beforehand, just how to enter the room, how to kiss the Queen's hand and how to conduct herself with poise and grace during the period of presentation.

THE KING'S LEVeES

The American gentleman who wishes to be presented to His Majesty, may arrange through his Amba.s.sador to attend one of the levees which the King holds at St. James' Palace. These levees are not quite as ceremonious as the Courts which the Queen holds, but they require a certain definite etiquette which must not be overlooked.

For instance, the American who is not in uniform, must wear the correct dress prescribed for the occasion. It is known as levee dress, and a competent London tailor will be able to inform the American gentleman of just what it consists. He must not attempt to appear at the levee in any other than these conventional clothes. Slight variations take place in these levee costumes, from time to time, and the American in England should make sure by consulting with a fas.h.i.+onable tailor.

It is wise also, before attending a levee, to have a little chat with a friend or acquaintance who has already attended one, and learn from him the correct way to conduct oneself throughout the presentation.

IN FRANCE

France is a land of polished manners. Here one is either cultured or uncultured. Mistakes in etiquette, divergence from the path of good form, are not tolerated in good society. The American in France must know exactly what is correct to do and say in that country, if he wishes to enjoy his visit.

The brief expressions "Yes" or "No" are never used in France when one wishes to be polite. It must be followed by the correct t.i.tle, such as "Yes, Monsieur" or "No, Madame." In the morning, upon greeting an acquaintance, no matter how slightly you know him, it is correct to say, "Bonjour, Monsieur." When expressing thanks for a courtesy or for requested information, one says, "Merci, Madame." And the customary farewell is "Au revoir, Mademoiselle."

Politeness is universal in France. One greets shop clerks as cordially as one greets one's best friend. Upon entering the French shop one should say "Bonjour, Monsieur" to the floorwalker, and "Bonjour, Madame"

to the saleslady. In the restaurant it is proper to say "Merci, Monsieur," to the head waiter who shows you to your place. The waiters are addressed as _garcon_, but the waitresses are called _Madame_ or _Mademoiselle_.

If one happens to brush against someone accidentally, or to get into someone's way, it is very important that polite apologies be offered. To hurry on without so much as saying, "Pardon, Monsieur," is extremely rude, and Frenchmen are quick to notice it. They are very courteous and they expect visitors to be the same.

ADDRESSING t.i.tLED PEOPLE IN FRANCE

"Monsieur le Comte" is the correct mode of address to employ towards a Count in France. A Baron is addressed as "Monsieur le Baron." His wife, however, is called simply "Madame----."

Officers in the Army are addressed in the following manner: "Mon Capitaine," "Mon General," etc. It is a decided breach of good conduct to address an officer in the French army as "Monsieur," especially when he is in uniform. When speaking about a certain officer, one may say, "Le General Denbigh."

The concierge and his wife are known merely as Monsieur and Madame. The parish priest, however, is spoken of and to as, "Monsieur le cure." A nun is addressed always as "Ma Sur."

Be careful not to forget the correct forms of address in France, for Frenchmen are quick to take offense and much ill-will may unwittingly be incurred by the American man or woman who does not pay proper respect where it is due, who does not use the correct t.i.tles at the correct time. And the American traveler in France should remember that his manners and conduct in that country reflect not only upon his own manners and breeding, but upon the manners and customs of the country he represents.

CERTAIN FRENCH CONVENTIONS

In France the first recognition of acquaintances.h.i.+p must come from the gentleman. For instance, if a young American man makes the acquaintance of a young French woman, she will expect him to raise his hat when they meet again, before she nods to him. In America it is the reverse--the young lady has the privilege of acknowledging or ignoring an acquaintances.h.i.+p.

Not only must the hat be raised to women, in France, but to men also. A young American and a young Frenchman who are known to each other raise their hats simultaneously when they encounter each other on the street.

But when the Frenchman is the elder of the two, or the more distinguished, the American is expected to wait until he makes the first motion of recognition.

The American who stops at a small hotel in France for a period of two days or more, should feel it his duty to nod courteously to every woman guest of the hotel he chances to meet, whether or not she is a total stranger. This is considered a conventional courtesy which all well-bred people in France observe. However, it does not serve the purpose of an introduction, and the American must not make the mistake of thinking that this privilege ent.i.tles him to address the women guests without the introduction of a mutual friend or acquaintance.

Frenchmen always stand with heads uncovered when a funeral pa.s.ses, and women bow for a moment. The well-bred American man and woman in France will also observe this custom. Nor will they neglect to remain standing while the _Ma.r.s.ellaise_ is being sung.

DINNER ETIQUETTE

An invitation to dine should be accepted or declined promptly when one is visiting in France. And one may not decline unless one has a very good excuse, such as having a previous engagement, or being called away on the day set for the dinner.

It is considered polite to arrive twenty minutes or a half-hour before dinner is served. If it is a formal and elaborate dinner, evening dress should be worn; but afternoon or semi-evening dress is appropriate for the informal dinner. It is not at all incorrect, if one is in doubt, to ask the host or hostess whether one should wear full dress or not. It is certainly wiser than to make oneself conspicuous by wearing different dress from all the other guests.

In France, the order in which the guests proceed to dinner is as follows: the host leads the way with the woman guest of honor, or the most distinguished woman guest, on his arm. Directly behind him follows the hostess on the arm of the masculine guest to be honored; and they are followed by the other guests, who proceed arm in arm.

According to the latest dinner etiquette in France, coffee is served for both the men and women at the dinner table. But when the dinner is very large and fas.h.i.+onable, it is still customary for the women to retire to the drawing-room, where the hostess presides over the coffee-urn. When men and women leave the dining-room together, they resume the same order as they observed when they entered it.

The American who is a guest at a formal dinner in France should pay a call upon the hostess within a week's time. This call is known as the "_visite de digestion_."

FRENCH WEDDING ETIQUETTE

Weddings are occasions of solemn dignity in every country, but in France they are perhaps more dignified than anywhere else. Here no rice and old shoes are cast after the bride and bridegroom--it would be considered a most shocking thing to do. Good wishes, politely expressed, are the only good-by offerings of friends and relatives.

There are usually two ceremonies to be celebrated at the French wedding--first the civil, and later the religious, marriage. At the civil wedding, which is held two or three days before the religious ceremony, only a few intimate friends and relatives of the two families are present. But the ceremony at church is a very important affair and all friends and acquaintances of both families are invited to attend.

Those who cannot attend should send cards of regret to the bride's parents.

b.a.l.l.s

Very elaborate and gay indeed are the b.a.l.l.s of France. There is, for instance, the _bals blancs_, at which all ladies are gowned in pure white and only maidens and bachelors are expected to be present. Men guests at the _bal blanc_ wear the conventional evening dress.

At a ball in France, a gentleman may request to dance with a lady without having first been introduced to her. Even a total stranger may approach a lady on the ballroom floor and ask for a dance. But it is considered very bad form for a young man and woman to "sit out" a dance together or retire to the veranda or lawn.

ABOUT CALLS AND CARDS

If one expects to remain in France any length of time at all, it is important that one know and understand the etiquette of calls and cards in that country.