Book of Etiquette Volume Ii Part 28

CROSSING THE OCEAN

It was on a German steams.h.i.+p that the custom of raising a contribution for the band of musicians originated. Some steams.h.i.+ps to-day still observe this custom, but on better s.h.i.+ps, where the musicians are of a high order, it has been abolished. If the collection is made, at the end of the journey, each pa.s.senger should feel it inc.u.mbent upon him to contribute at least twenty-five cents. Fifty cents is not too much, and some people who have particularly enjoyed the music, offer one dollar or even more. It is very bad form, indeed, to refuse to contribute to this fund.

The servants to be remembered on the steams.h.i.+p are the bedroom steward, the table, deck and bathroom stewards, the stewardess, and the boy who blackens the boots. Masculine pa.s.sengers do not tip the stewardess unless she has rendered them special service. Tips to the servants mentioned above should be governed by the amount of service rendered.

For instance, if a woman pa.s.senger has been ill all the way across, she is expected to give a generous tip to the stewardess who has nursed her.

Five dollars would not be considered extravagant in this case. The man who has been ill should be just as generous with the bedroom steward and all others who have attended him.

When leaving the s.h.i.+p, no one who has been of any service whatever should be forgotten. The porter who helps you with your hand luggage and sees you safely down the gang plank should be rewarded with no less than twenty-five cents.

TIPS IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES

Americans in Germany, England or France should learn at once the values of German, English and French money. Otherwise they may make mistakes that will cost them quite a bit. For instance, an American woman in England recently gave a crown to a hotel maid, thinking that it was equivalent to our quarter. The maid realized that the woman did not know the value of it, and she explained it to her. But the traveler must remember that not all servants are so scrupulous.

Tips in foreign countries should be given on the same basis as the ones given to those who serve us here in America. Extravagance is bad form, and not to give at all is n.i.g.g.ardly. The amount of the tip should always be commensurate with the service performed. Americans have every right to expect respectful and courteous treatment wherever they chance to be, and they must not feel that they are expected to pay exorbitant fees to obtain it.

CHAPTER IX

ETIQUETTE ABROAD

THE AMERICAN IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES

The American who goes abroad and expects to learn in a few days the customs, manners and even the language of the countries he visits, is like the proverbial Irishman who comes to America and expects to find the streets paved with gold. Both are doomed to disappointment.

One of the most undesirable features of travel abroad is to be forced to depend upon the half-incorrect interpretations of guides for one's comfort and pleasure. How much better it is to be able to talk to the natives of the country themselves, and to understand them and their ways! A little preliminary preparation before the trip, or while one is on the way, serves as an excellent foundation upon which to build one's knowledge of the language and customs of a foreign country.

Good manners are, of course, universal; and the man who is well-bred in America is sure to be correctly-mannered when he is in France or England. And yet there are slight differences between the etiquette of America and the etiquette of foreign countries. They do not affect one's courtesy or kindliness of manner, but they do affect those daily little conventionalities, such as greetings, farewells, table etiquette, addressing clergy and royalty, etc. To be ignorant of these rules is to be susceptible to embarra.s.sment and uncertainty, and to incur the displeasure and unfriendliness of foreigners of good social standing.

The following paragraphs will, we hope, help the man or woman who is traveling abroad, for they contain all the important details of foreign etiquette. But in addition, we have suggested that those who intend to visit France or Germany or any other foreign country, spend a little time reading about that country and learning a bit about the language.

There are many good books available in public libraries and elsewhere, that teach one a great deal about the people, interesting places, and language of foreign countries.

ON ENGLISH SOIL

Perhaps it is because America and England have so much in common, that their etiquette is so very similar. We find that b.a.l.l.s and receptions and entertainments, dinners, calls, funerals and weddings, in fact, almost all social functions are celebrated in practically the same manner as is considered best form here in America. The changes are so slight that they are not important enough to mention.

But there is one radical difference between English and American conventionalities that usually cause difficulty to the tourist. We refer to the royal society of England which requires a very special kind of recognition. The traveling American who visits an English court will expose himself to a great deal of embarra.s.sment if he does not know the correct court etiquette--if he does not know the proper t.i.tles and their recognition, how to address the King or Queen, how to conduct himself while in the presence of royalty.

ADDRESSING ROYALTY

Although every American tourist delights in being presented at court, or to a royal personage, it is usually regarded as a nervous and embarra.s.sing business--for the reason that one does not quite know just what is correct to say and do. When addressing the King, there are two correct forms and no others that may be used. One may say either, "Your Majesty" or "Sir." There are also two forms that may be used when addressing the Queen. They are, "Your Majesty" or "Madame." When answering a question put by either of these rulers, one may not use the brief "No" or "Yes." "No, madame," or "Yes, sir," are the correct forms.

When addressing the King, the form "Your Majesty" is used.

All children of the King and Queen are addressed as "Your Royal Highness." This same t.i.tle is used when addressing the brother or sister of the reigning monarchs, or the brother or sister of the late King. In speaking to royalty, one does not use the simple expression "you," but expresses oneself in this manner, "Has your Royal Highness been to America recently?"

One rule that all Americans should observe when in the presence of foreign royalty is to wait until they are addressed by the persons of rank. They themselves should not volunteer remarks but should enter into the conversation only when they are directly addressed. To use a t.i.tle of rank, such as "Your Majesty" or "Your Royal Highness" incessantly, is to make it seem superficial. It should be used only when respect and convention demand it.

When presented to royalty, a man is expected to bow, a woman to courtesy. The hand is never offered in greeting, unless the person of rank makes the first motion. In the presence of the Queen everyone should show some mark of respect--men stand with heads uncovered and women bow slightly. Americans should follow these customs if they do not wish to earn the enmity of their English brothers and make their stay in the country unpleasant. But most of all, they should do it because it is the _polite_ and _proper_ thing to do. Americans should also remain standing at the theater or opera when the national anthem, "G.o.d Save the Queen," is sung, or while the rest of the audience stands in respect for a member of the royal family who has not yet been seated.

OTHER ENGLISH t.i.tLES

An American in England is very likely to meet some persons of high hereditary t.i.tle, if they are not presented at the court itself. When speaking of a Duke, one says, "The Duke of Lancasters.h.i.+re." When addressing him, one says, "Your Grace" or "My Lord Duke." Familiarly, by those who know him well and address him as an equal, the Duke is addressed merely as "Duke." The same rule applies to the d.u.c.h.ess.

Formally she is addressed as "Your Grace"; familiarly she is addressed as "d.u.c.h.ess."

The eldest son is ent.i.tled to the highest of the lesser t.i.tles of his father. Thus, the eldest son of a Duke who was a Marquis immediately before receiving his ducal degree, is known as the Marquis, and is addressed as "Lord Barrie" (if Barrie happened to be the surname of the family). Earls, Viscounts and Barons are addressed in the same manner, when their t.i.tles are given them as courtesies, as the eldest sons of Dukes.

The wife of anyone of the t.i.tled men mentioned above would be addressed as "Lady Barrie." A curt "No" or "Yes" is extremely rude on the part of an American when answering a question put by the wife of a person of n.o.bility. One should say, "No, Lady Barrie."

The younger sons of a Duke are addressed as "Lord James" or "Lord Sidney Barrie." Daughters are addressed as "Lady Helen" or "Lady Louise Barrie."

A Marquis (not the eldest son of a Duke, but a recognized Marquis by English law) is ent.i.tled to the formal t.i.tle of "My Lord" or "Your Lords.h.i.+p" when addressed by traveling Americans--or by their own country-people. By his friends or equals he is addressed as "Lord Denbigh" or "Marquis." On formal occasions, or by those of lesser rank, a Marchioness is addressed as "My Lady" or "Your Ladys.h.i.+p." But her friends and equals call her "Lady Penhope" or "Marchioness."

Just as the eldest son of a Duke bears a "courtesy t.i.tle," so does the eldest son of a Marquis. This eldest son is called "Lord Denbigh." The daughters of the Marquis are "Lady Helen" or "Lady Janet," and they are addressed in this manner by their friends and equals. Formally, an Earl is addressed as "My Lord" or "Your Lords.h.i.+p." The wife of an Earl is formally addressed as is the Marchioness. But by her intimate friends and her social equals she is addressed as "Countess" or "Lady Hendrick."

The eldest son of an Earl bears his father's second t.i.tle. There are no t.i.tles for the younger sons of an Earl. His daughters are addressed in the same manner as are the daughters of a Marquis. A Viscount is addressed formally as "My Lord" and his friends and equals address him familiarly as "Lord Roberts." In addressing the wife of a Viscount, one uses the same forms outlined for the wife of an Earl. The sons and daughters of a Viscount, when addressed or spoken about, are referred to as Mr. or Miss Roberts, but when formally introduced, this form is used, "The Honorable Henry Roberts."

---- AND STILL OTHER t.i.tLES

The American traveler in England will certainly have a great many t.i.tles to remember, especially if he expects to mingle to any extent with the royal society. There are still others besides those outlined above. The following are "lesser" t.i.tles, but are used perhaps even more frequently than those given in the preceding paragraphs.

There are the Baron and Baroness, for instance, who are addressed respectively as "My Lord" and "Your Ladys.h.i.+p." Their children have the same t.i.tular rank and are addressed in the same manner. The Baronet is addressed formally and familiarly as "Sir Thomas" without the addition of his surname. His t.i.tle is really only an hereditary privilege. But his wife enjoys the t.i.tle of "Lady Merick" or "Lady Carol," instead of just "Lady Sylvia." The children of a Baronet have no t.i.tle.

A Knight is addressed as "Lord Henry" or "Lord James," both formally and familiarly. His wife is addressed in the same form as that used for the wife of a Baronet. The children of a Knight are called merely Mr. or Miss.

ADDRESSING CLERGY ABROAD

Another difficulty that often confronts the stranger in England, is that of correctly addressing the clergy. England is a land of t.i.tles, and to be at ease one must know how to place each t.i.tle properly and pay proper respect where it is due.

In England the Archbishops of Canterbury and York and all the bishops (with the exception of two) are called "Lords Spiritual." They enjoy the privilege of sitting in the House of Lords. Thus, when addressing them formally, the form "Your Grace" should be used. "Archbishop" may be used only by those who are addressing that dignitary familiarly as a friend or an equal. Bishops should be formally addressed as "Your Lords.h.i.+p" or "My Lord," but merely as "Bishop" by their friends. Their wives, and the wives of archbishops, have no t.i.tle, nor do the children of either archbishop or bishop have any t.i.tle other than Mr. or Miss.

Following the bishop in rank, comes the Dean, addressed simply as "Dean Harris." His wife is known only as "Mrs. Harris." The same forms apply to the Archdeacon and his wife. Other clergymen--canons, vicars, rectors and curates--have no t.i.tles and are addressed simply as "Mr. Brown" or "Mr. Smith" as the case may be.

LAWYERS, STATESMEN AND OFFICIALS--HOW TO ADDRESS THEM

While traveling about in merry England, one may find it necessary to seek legal advice or the protection of a court. The etiquette is slightly different from that observed in America.

The members of the judiciary, for instance, are not spoken of as "Judge Brown" and "Judge Harris," but as "Mr. Justice Brown" and "Mr. Justice Harris." While presiding in his court, the member of the judiciary is addressed as "My Lord," "Your honor," "Your wors.h.i.+p," according to the position occupied. In private life, however, he is plain "Mr. Smith."

Whether addressed formally or familiarly, the members of the Cabinet, and the prime minister are simply Mr. Blank, unless they have t.i.tles conferred upon them by the King or inherited. In this case they use their t.i.tles constantly and are addressed accordingly.