The American Credo Part 20

--357

That the Thursday matinees given by Chauncey Olcott are attended only by Irish servant girls.

--358

That the reason the British authorities didn't lock up Bernard Shaw during the war was because they were afraid of his mind.

--359

That Professor Garner is able to carry on long and intimate conversations with monkeys in their own language.

--360

That oysters are a great aphrodisiac.

--361

That if one sleeps with one's head on a high pillow one will be round-shouldered.

--362

That coal miners get so dirty that they have to wash so often that they are the cleanest working-men in the world.

--363

That the average French housewife can make such a soup out of the contents of a garbage-can that the eater will think he is at the Ritz.

--364

That such authors as Dr. Frank Crane and Herbert Kaufman do not really believe what they write, but print it simply for the money that is in it.

--365

That the average newspaper cartoonist makes $100,000 a year.

--366

That when a play is given in an insane asylum the inmates always laugh at the tragic moments and cry at the humorous moments.

--367

That if a girl takes the last cake off a plate she will die an old maid.

--368

That men high in public affairs always read detective stories for diversion.

--369

That the wireless news bulletins posted daily on ocean liners are made up on board.

--370

That the Swiss, when they sing, always yodel.

--371

That all German housewives are very frugal.

--372

That if one holds a b.u.t.tercup under a person's chin and a yellow light is reflected upon that person's chin, it is a sign that he likes b.u.t.ter.

--373

That all penny-in-the-slot weighing machines make a fat woman lighter and a thin woman heavier.

--374

That in the period just before a woman's baby is born the woman's face takes on a peculiar spiritual and holy look.

--375

That when a Chinese laundryman hands one a slip for one's laundry, the Chinese letters which he writes on the slip have nothing to do with the laundry but are in reality a derogatory description of the owner.

--376

That an old woman with rheumatism in her leg can infallibly predict when it is going to rain.