The American Credo Part 21

--377

That Philadelphia is a very sleepy town.

--378

That it is impossible for a man to learn how to thread a needle.

--379

That there is something unmanly about a grown man playing the piano, save only when he plays it in a bordello.

--380

That a couple of quinine pills, with a chaser of rye whiskey, will cure a cold.

--381

That all Congressmen who voted for Prohibition are secret lushers and have heavy stocks of all sorts of liquors in their cellars.

--382

That a certain Exalted Personage in Was.h.i.+ngton is a gay dog with the ladies and used to cut up with a stock company actress.

--383

That all the best cooks are men.

--384

That all j.a.panese butlers are lieutenants in the j.a.panese Navy and that they read and copy all letters received by the folks they work for.

--385

That the best way to stop nose-bleed is to drop a door-key down the patient's back.

--386

That a thunder-storm will cause milk to turn sour.

--387

That if a man drinks three gla.s.ses of b.u.t.termilk every day he will never be ill.

--388

That whenever two Indians meet they greet each other with the word "How!"

--389

That the Justices of the Supreme Court of the United States all chew tobacco while hearing cases, but that they are very serious men otherwise, and never laugh, or look at a pretty girl, or get tight.

--390

That all negro prize-fighters marry white women, and that they afterward beat them.

--391

That New Orleans is a very gay town and full of beautiful French creoles.

--392

That gin is good for the kidneys.

--393

That the English lower cla.s.ses are so servile that they say "Thank you, sir," if one kicks them in the pantaloons.

--394

That the gipsies who go about the country are all horse-thieves, and that they will put a spell upon the cattle of any farmer who has them arrested for stealing his mare.

--395

That every bachelor of easy means has an illicit affair with a gra.s.s widow in a near-by city and is the father of several illegitimate children.

--396

That a country editor receives so many presents of potatoes, corn, rutabagas, asparagus, country ham, carrots, turnips, etc., that he never has to buy any food.