The McNaughtens Part 9

Spruce (low) He's--he's a visionary. A type of lunatic--with a pleasant character (making it up as he goes along, and becoming more and more inspired) --who believes everyone he meets owes him money. It's his folly to greet everyone he meets and present them with a promissory note--and to demand payment. I am surprised that he hasn't paid you the compliment already.

(Aside) I think I did that rather well.

McNaughten His madness is novel and rare, a.s.suredly.

Spruce (low, to McNaughten) It happens all the time in this city. If you stay here long enough, he may not be the only one you meet.

Bronlow I am delighted to see you in such good health. More than you can imagine. Here's a little bill you ran up before you left. I am sure you won't quibble about paying it.

Spruce (triumphantly) What did I tell you!

Bronlow Because you were away so long, I was obliged to sue out a judgement against you.

McNaughten A personal judgement against me!

Bronlow But, kindly creditor that I am--I differ extremely from process servers whose suits and writs give people headaches--I present the bill myself--

McNaughten You're truly very good and honest. What might be your name?

Bronlow Oh--you know it very well.

McNaughten Let me be hanged if I know it at all!

Bronlow Could you possibly forget?

Spruce (aside to Bronlow) Are you unable to see the illness he's suffering from?

Bronlow Indeed, I am unable to see it!

Spruce He's suffering from amnesia and cannot recall a thing. Neither what he's done nor the people he's seen. Talking to him about the past is not only useless but crazy. His name itself, his very own name, he sometimes forgets!

Bronlow Heavens, what are you telling me? What a sad event. But how could he, at his young age?

Spruce How? (puzzled momentarily) How? He lost it in the war--in a battery with the cannon roaring with such fury that it made a commotion in his head--which prevents him from remembering anything. In his weak head-- this tender membrane. Oh, you cannot understand the effect of a cannon.

Bronlow (very decently) I am terribly sorry for what has befallen you, but I a.s.sure you that you do owe me this money.

McNaughten I can see very clearly that reason has taken leave of you.

Bronlow Sir, try to recall those uniforms I supplied you with.

McNaughten Uniforms to me! Go collect your imaginary bills elsewhere. I haven't the time to listen to your nonsense. You are an old fool.

Bronlow I am a clothes merchant. My name is Bronlow incorporated, and I am a churchwarden. If you've lost your memory, the articles are listed in the bill of sale, which if you would kindly read, will inform you-- (Presenting a bill of sale to McNaughten)

McNaughten (tearing it up and throwing the pieces in Bronlow's face) Here, take your foolish bill of sale! I've done with it.

Spruce (to Bronlow, who is horrified) Oh, sir, against a madman, it is useless to contend.

Bronlow (gathering up the pieces) To tear up a bill of sale; to throw it in my face. You are a cheater!

McNaughten (ready to attack Bronlow) Me? A cheater?

Spruce (putting himself between them) Gentlemen--please--

Bronlow I will show you.

Spruce (to Bronlow) Not so much noise. Consider the state to which he has been reduced.

Bronlow To tear up a receipt!

Spruce Not such a big thing.

Bronlow It's a frightful crime--worthy of transportation.

McNaughten Let me pull his ears!

Spruce Leave him alone. What would you do to a poor churchwarden?

(To Bronlow) If you argue any more something terrible may happen.

Bronlow I want to be paid. I don't give a d.a.m.n about the rest.

Spruce (to Bronlow) Leave, sir, leave. Do you want to rekindle the flames in his overheated mind with your screaming?

Bronlow Very well--I will leave. But before an hour has pa.s.sed, I am going to make him change his tune. Your humble servant.

(Exit Mr. Bronlow)

Spruce What's the use of getting irritated by a madman?

McNaughten What? Does he seek me out to be the b.u.t.t of his impertinences? Let him take his extravagances down another road. Let's go to Mr. Torrington without waiting any further.

Spruce Presently sir, now it would be a wasted effort. He isn't home, but he'll be back soon. In a little while, I'll return and take you to see him. A certain pressing duty calls me away suddenly.

McNaughten I will wait for you. Go, but don't delay. I need to calm down. I begin to believe everyone in this city is crazy. Of all the people I've met today, I've only found one. besides myself, who is reasonable, and that's you.

(Exit McNaughten to the hotel)

Spruce I intend to inspect everything. Let's see. The fish himself is in our net. Everything is going according to plan. Today, I serve two G.o.ds-- Fortune and Cupid. I hope to make myself useful!

BLACKOUT

Scene II. The same, a short while later. Spruce is standing in front of the hotel.

Spruce I've been watching this door, and no one has come out. My master has had time to get his money and run. And I, diligent accomplice that I am, wait here to make sure that the brother doesn't spoil things by running to Torrington and discovering this mystery. Already, a creditor has embarra.s.sed me. It's laughable to think all that's happened. I've put things into the hands of a man with an ardent imagination. G.o.d, if McNaughten were a bit less headstrong and argumentative, he'd have seen through it all by now. Thank Heaven for pa.s.sionate people. But I see Jenny coming. My amorous heart ignites with new flames in her presence.

(Enter Jenny)

Jenny I am come to look for your master.