Withered Leaves Volume Ii Part 1

Withered Leaves.

Vol. II.

by Rudolf von Gottschall.

CHAPTER I.

THE FIRST MEETING.

"I had always been a dreamer, and an enthusiast," began Blanden, "and even when at school I cherished bold designs; I would emigrate to Madagascar, an island to which I had taken a peculiar fancy, and did not deem it impossible there to win a crown for myself.

"I always remained aloof from the noisy amus.e.m.e.nts of my companions. I loved solitude; a walk in the company of others was disagreeable to me; all their conversations and songs seemed like desecration of nature, which only reveals its beauty, its secrets to silent appreciation. But when I wandered alone through meadows, even if only the cornfields of my paternal estates, or lost myself in the woods--above me the rustling oaks, beside me the roaring sea--a sensation often overcame me, of which I was unable to give any account, which would not allow itself to be put into words, without wiping away its mysterious magic as if it were the coloured down of a b.u.t.terfly's wings. I was persuaded that this feeling was shared and understood by none; it was a kind of religion of nature, but so fervent, that in it I believed to lose my ident.i.ty, that I felt as if my soul went forth into the vast universe, as if the lisping breeze which stirred the branches and tops of the trees were the spirit of the Divinity, the same spirit which also animated the respirations of my bosom, and the feelings of my heart.

The evening crimson, when its glow faded away behind the summits, could fill me with infinite emotion; a hot day which unfettered the spicy breeze in field and forest, and which with darkening fragrance hovered over the blue distance, could transport me into an ecstacy, as though the fire of external nature glowed within my own veins.

"I studied the works of poets; I found nothing that would entirely have expressed my sensations, and even in ancient religious writings and the works of a later period, I found the indication of this feeling rather than itself in its peculiarity.

"I might gather it from ambiguous symbols, but the language of my heart it was not.

"I visited the university, nevertheless I remained faithful to my solitary, dreamy tendency. I was never to be seen at the drinking parties of our duelling clubs, although I attended their fencing school; I learned to wield the blade bravely, and if any one disturbed or ridiculed me, I demanded satisfaction of him. Dry knowledge imprinted itself on my memory, yet it remained a stranger to my own mental life. The philosophy of the lecture-room gave me no reply to those questions of my soul; I followed their mathematical problems with interest, but they did not touch that which laid hold of my inmost feelings. The lecturer at that time was a highly esteemed master of the art of thinking, yet he confined himself to the tangible, the palpable, and my mind was devoted to the unfathomable.

"Would the world's secret let itself be put into set forms? Would it not much rather disclose itself to inexpressible feelings? A nameless longing took possession of me, to fathom the secret connection between the world's spirit and my own, which at those moments of inspired views had illumined my soul as with flashes of lightning, only to take refuge again in the unattainable.

"It was the same supreme feeling that was peculiar to religious fervour, and yet it lay so far removed from the ordinary circle of conceptions in which believers moved. The daring idea of founding a new religion, or at least of expounding in a new manner that which for thousands of years had been the tradition of faith, often rose within my soul; then--I started at this daring; was it not a lesser venture to emigrate to Madagascar, than to discover a new world of religion?

"The ecstacies which Nature granted me, even as she appeared in the Baltic country mostly void of charms, remained the same; I felt inwardly related to her. On the other hand, Nature stood before me in lofty estrangement in another form in woman. While stormy youth around me had long since in daily pleasures denuded of its leaves that which appeared to me the sacred crowning work of creation, I still experienced a dread of and longing for it, as though for me it were something unapproachable. I felt that for me one half of the world lay in obscurity; like that hemisphere from which the sun is averted, it lay as if bedded in the lap of sacred night, and an ambrosial magical light seemed to flow from it. I shuddered, as through me pa.s.sed a nervous dread of that moment in which this dark world should move with me into the bright suns.h.i.+ne of knowledge.

"Meanwhile I had terminated my studies. I had been industrious; dry law released me from my internal struggles, from all disturbing trains of thought. Even the most subtle distinctions of the Roman jurists in the most difficult law questions, were enigmas which could be solved, and my mind felt especial satisfaction when it had been successful in such a solution. How totally different were those non-transparent secrets in which neither thought nor feeling were ever entirely consumed.

"I pa.s.sed my legal examination, and commenced my first employment in the service of the State. With an adventure which had befallen me as student a fatal complication in my life now became connected.

"One evening I had been walking along the Pregel. The light of the declining sun swept the hollow-eyed warehouses, which were crowded together in large quarters of the town, and hovered, dream-like, behind the sails and masts of the s.h.i.+ps which lay at anchor in that part of the river where greater depth of water allowed them to do so. Farther up, lay the heavily-freighted 'Wittinen,' and rafts which had come up from Masuren, with their wooden huts. All were merry upon those bast-covers, for these 'Dschimken,' who at home lived in mud hovels, had been long enough sailing past pasturage and meadows on the river bank to rejoice in their life here, at the end of their journey.

"Yonder, one of them in a sheepskin, with a straw hat upon his head, is playing upon a fiddle with two strings; the light-hearted little people danced upon the tree trunks bound together--dancers and spectators clapped their hands; others crouched around a large kettle, out of which they helped themselves with wooden spoons.

"Like all pleasures of the people, this merry scene, which might amuse others, touched me. Not far from it, a picture of busy activity attracted me; I saw how eagerly carpenters were at work upon the frame of a s.h.i.+p that seemed to me to be of a peculiar form. Just as I came near, they were about to cease their labours, laid their axes aside, and went towards a man whose singular appearance, when I looked more narrowly at him, made a strange impression upon me.

"He reminded me of the hermits of old; a long beard flowed down almost to his girdle, thick black hair fell far down upon his shoulders, a broad-brimmed hat covered his head. As he now turned sideways, sharply-cut features showed themselves in the evening light; his tall form was clad in Oriental fas.h.i.+on, in a garment that hung down to his feet.

"Who was that remarkable man, who seemed to step out of the 'thousand and one nights' into the sober life of the old royal Prussian town?

"He stood amidst a group that plainly belonged to the upper cla.s.ses.

Two young women, apparently very graceful, also stood beside him. The carpenters went towards him, and pressed his hand; the women had a shake of the hand and a sweet smile for each. The workmen a.s.sembled themselves behind the distinguished group, and soon the whole procession set itself in motion.

"A carpenter, whom other business called away, had separated himself from his companions, and went past me.

"'What kind of a s.h.i.+p is that which you are building over there?' asked I of him.

"'It is the "Swan."'

"'And who christened it thus, and who has ordered it to be built?'

"'The Paraclete.'

"That sounded most mysterious.

"'Who is the Paraclete?'

"'The man yonder, with the long, dark hair; they call him so; he is a minister, but no ordained one.'

"'But why does he build s.h.i.+ps?'

"'It is to be a wonderful s.h.i.+p; he has often preached to us about it; a kind of Noah's ark. We must have firm faith when we build it; then it will be able to sail against wind and waves. And we believe, too, that with each stroke of the axe we are doing a work that is pleasing to the Lord.'

"'Is he a rich s.h.i.+p-owner?'

"'He himself does not own a farthing, but pious people give him as much as he requires.'

"'Whither does the procession go?'

"'Yonder to the public-house. I shall soon follow, when I have seen to my wife and child at home. He preaches over there, and it is wonderful to hear everything that he says. You can go too, because he preaches to all the world, and no one is excluded.'

"I followed the workman's invitation, and also went to the house inside which the procession had disappeared. As it moved farther on, it had increased like a caravan. Porters and sailors had joined it. They filled a large room, evidently a dancing saloon. Above, on the gallery, where at other times the musicians would be, the 'Paraclete' had taken up his position; beside him sat his male and female companions.

"Who were the young women who went so dauntlessly into this district of the lowest inhabitants, whose rudeness is usually avoided by all of refined bringing up? Great must be their attachment to the prophet, and the might of their faith, that enabled them to bid defiance to the wild noise and to the odours of tobacco. Yet, in the latter, they seemed only to perceive clouds of incense, which ascended to do homage to the High Priest. Did they believe those times to be returned when prophets moved amongst the lowly people, who alone possessed appreciation of the seed that was scattered amongst them?

"I looked up at the chosen congregation that surrounded the preacher, and was wonderfully struck with the charming grace of one youthful face, which with its soft, gentle lines contrasted pleasantly with the Paraclete's sharp features. Was it a girl or a young married woman? The whole figure was full of girlish charm, yet a girl would hardly have ventured into such a district. A transfiguring breath of enthusiasm lay upon those n.o.ble features, large deep blue eyes gazed up at the preacher with such trust, such confidence; it was as if the faith of an entire devoted congregation were reflected in the glance of those eyes.

I looked again and ever again in that direction; I followed all her movements with unwavering glances; she stood up, she walked to and fro, apparently eagerly occupied with arrangements to render the preacher's pulpit a more worthy one; she brought a cus.h.i.+on and placed it upon the bal.u.s.trade, she brought milk and fruit, for the minister scorned any other nourishment--yes, she brought a footstool for his feet.

"This servile occupation which she devoted to the mysterious man displeased me, but all the movements of her slender form were full of such winning grace, and made an enrapturing impression upon me.

"I felt as if the divinity had been found for that altar which already for long I had erected to 'woman,' and the dense clouds of tobacco appeared to me to be the ambrosial firmament which hovers above a Madonna.

"The preacher rose, and silence suddenly reigned in the a.s.sembly hitherto so noisy.

"What he spoke was marvellous, but it attracted me; it was not the old story that has so often been promulgated from a pulpit lulling all to sleep, they were new doctrines, even although in the old garment. Was my youthful dream of founding a new religion called into life by this enthusiast?

"He did not speak like other men of views and convictions, nor like the teachers of the Divine Word, of a traditionary faith. Everything had been experienced inwardly by himself, he was a new mediator between G.o.d and man. He had discovered the origin of all being, the two original powers of creation, out of which all life flowed. The one was water: plants draw their nourishment out of moisture, and every young shoot is rich in this primordial power; but the other which gives form is light, is warmth; those are the two original beings, the female and the male which are necessarily and closely wedded.

"And with glowing fantasy the apostle described how the serpent of light pants for the water of darkness, how seven-armed with thousandfold arteries of rays it pours itself into the depths where the element, dark as night, waits to receive it. They were poetical visions in apocalyptic pictures; the people listened devoutly to the incomprehensible, which, however, led a succession of gay, misty pictures before their mental vision. The prophet himself spoke with tongues of fire, and with the dauntlessness of a man in whom Heaven had deposited the jewels of its revelations as in a sacred shrine. All the time he stroked his long beard, divided it, and put it together again, yet all was done with dignity and with self-complacency.

"When he sat down he refreshed himself with the milk which his graceful companion handed to him.

"Two or three times more he rose, when the spirit moved him, and immediately ceased the wild tumult, the buzz of voices at his feet.

"It might be about midnight when he retired with his companions. One of these was evidently a minister whom the ladies had joined. The young beauty pa.s.sed close by me; was I mistaken, or did she smile pleasantly at me? And was this smile one of approval of my demeanour and appearance, or of pleasure that a young student also--for the Albertus on my cap showed that I attended the Albertina--should have joined the pious congregation that sat at the feet of the Heaven-sent preacher?

Never to be forgotten was the gracious smile, the n.o.bility of form and feature, the deep large eye.