Julius Caesar Chapter 69

Published at 31st of March 2019 09:20:04 PM Chapter 69: 69

Julius' POV .

"Ben . "

I say unimpressed as he pushes back his thick-rimmed gla.s.ses to his nose and tries controlling the bewildered expression on his face . The park is much more crowded than usual with kids' shrill laughter and adults' mundane chattering filling the curious silence between us .

Ben looks very disoriented, his hands are shaky and his eyes jumping everywhere from Augusta to the poodle- anywhere but my face- but I am quickly proven wrong when he lifts his heavy gaze to meet mine . His lips float in the air with unsaid words and his eyes are weary yet alert .

He looks tragic . I raise my eyebrows .

"I-" he starts and tears his eyes away . "-I looked for you for so long-"

He then looks up and I wait, adjusting Augusta on my arm .

"Yes . "

He then blinks rapidly and shakes his head . "I'm sorry . Uh- that sounded so creepy and weird . "

I frown uneasily . "It's okay . How can I -er- help you?"

Ben straightens up and exhales heavily . "I don't want your help . I- actually-" he struggles to choose his words before he looks up and shrugs . "I just want to talk to you . "

"Talk to me?" I scoff and suddenly sound meaner that my intention . "Last time we met-"

"Was about a year ago . I know-"

"You know? Then what's there to talk about-?" A little kid walks by us and squeals at the poodle that barks away at her .

"Sam . " His eyes are watering up and s.h.i.+mmering in the weak sun rays .

"Sam?" The way I say her name is like I'm saying a foreign word . And I quickly realize that I spelt out a tornado of dark memories . I find myself sitting on the bench that happens to be beneath me .

"Sam-" I repeat her name and gulp as I push away Augustus' giddy smile when they used to be together .

Stop . Stop . Stop .

"You know it, don't you?" Ben says, his voice shaky . "You know where she is, right?"

I look to my side where he's now sitting, elbows on knees and face a few inches away from me . His eyes are full of unshed tears and my heart almost breaks at the hope that caresses them and his parted, antic.i.p.ating lips .

"I mean, just say it!" he demands, sniffing . "I know you know where she is! I know she wouldn't just go missing like-like the f.u.c.king coppers said!"

I look at his bruised knuckles and his pants, dirty at the knees and feel sick . This- this is what Father's recklessness has brought to people's lives . This is how his demented, wicked concept that he's saving the innocent is failing . I can see it . I can see it in this boy's not long enough breaths and his anxiety-inducing fidgeting .

This is the price Ben and probably hundreds more pay and will continue to pay for Father to sit on his stupid couch and smoke a cigar while claiming his purpose as saving people from the danger . Little does he know that he's the danger . The danger that broke my heart and killed my brother .

"I won't be hurt, okay?" Ben yells, attracting little attention from the people around us . He looks at me and I know that he is right . He won't be hurt . He's already hurt . Pain is pain . You cannot induce pain to pain .

"Sam is dead . "

"She is, right?" he says, moving away from me and resting his back to the bench . He tips back his head and looks at the sky . "She has been dead for this whole year, right?"

He is trying his best to control his shaky voice and I look down . "So I was looking for a dead girl-?"

I know he loves/loved her . And it reminds me of the day Augustus and I sat in the same park, but on another bench, talking about his heartbreak about the same person . I clench my jaws, threatening myself not to tear up .

"I just needed to know," he is talking loudly to himself . "Ah, G.o.d . "

I dare glance at him and his gla.s.ses that are now abandoned on the empty s.p.a.ce between us and get hit by how similar his condition is to Augustus' at that time . I tighten my hold around the leash and realize that the poodle stopped barking as if realizing how sour things turned .

I look away .

"Was it painful?" he asks, his hands covering his face and I shake my head .

"I wouldn't know-"

He then sharply looks at me . "What do you mean? You know how she died, right?"

"I do-"

"Then how come you don't know if it was-"

"I was never shot in the chest before-" I say slowly and his jaw drops .

"Oh-" he says deathly, quietly . "So- it was painful-"

"I don't think it missed her heart . "

"So it was quick?"

"Yes . Quick and painless-"

"In the heart?"

"Yes, right there-"

There is a pause of painful silence .

"Any last words?" he asks and I look at his blood-shot eyes and suddenly I know what to do about a lot of things .

"Yes," I sigh . "She said she loved you-"

Ben makes a face and scoffs as tears tumble down his cheeks . "No- never . Bulls.h.i.+t-"

"She said what she said, Ben-"

"I thought she hated me-"

"No-" I shake my head . "She loves you . And she wants you to let go-"

"Really? Why? Did she say why?"

"She said that you were never meant to be-"

Ben nods slowly, quickly licking his lower lip . "Yes . We weren't written in the stars . "

"She wants you to let go . "

"I will let go-" he says slowly and my eyes water .

"She said all that?" he then asks me and I nod . He then sniffs, lets out a sob and my heart hurts . "Then she didn't really have a quick, painless death, did she?" he says miserably and I avert my gaze away, blinking several times and drying my eyes .

"Who killed her?"

I shut my eyes before finding myself staring at Augusta's pure, innocent face in awe .

"You killed her?" he asks me ever so softly and I slowly look up at his antic.i.p.ating face .

"No . "

"Who did?"

I don't answer and he forcefully grasps at my forearm . "Who did?" he presses and I glare at his easy-to-crush hand . He removes it instantly and I sigh .

"It doesn't matter now . "

"What do you mean?" he sniffs .

"I will find that man-" I promise . "And I will kill him . "

"You will kill him?"

"I will kill him . "

"That will make you a murderer . "

"I will kill him," I repeat, my chest filling with rippling and boiling hatred . "I swear on my dead brother's soul I'll kill him . "

"Okay . "

"Okay?"

"Yes, kill him . "

"You should go," I tell him and he shoves on his gla.s.ses that fog up for a while .

"Caroline is coming for me . "

"Caroline-?" I ask, and almost immediately she pops out of a just-parked car . Her hair curls are much shorter than they used to be and are dyed bright red . I gawk at how she's fully covered in black without a drop of makeup on her face .

She has changed . A lot .

I watch her eyes bounce around the place in quick jerky movements before they fall on us . Her hands that are running through her hair freeze before dropping to her sides . She then flashes us a small smile before slowly approaching us in her black combat boots . Her steps seem to have lost their springiness and her eyes, their glow .

I get up slowly and Ben follows suit .

"Hi!" she says in her still-intact squeaky voice and I press a smile .

"h.e.l.lo . "

"Took you long enough," Ben complains and gets to her side .

Caroline smiles, her eyes brightening up at him . "At least I found the book you've been dreaming about . And you've clearly found yourself some company-" She trails off and glances at me with a slight smile and I nod .

"You changed . " I blurt out and Caroline's smile drops slowly as she consciously touches her hair- a reaction I find odd . I was not talking about her stupid style . I was talking about the death of her eyes and the lag in her steps . Stupid, superficial Caroline will never get it .

"Is it awful?"

I shake my head and glance at Ben who is eyeing the ground . "Is it? Ben?"

Ben looks up and stares at Caroline for a good while . "No . Not at all . "

Caroline blushes and I shrug .

"You have a baby!" she blurts and I try not to cringe at how awkward this whole sudden 'let's-meet-and-converse-cause-why-not' session is .

"Yes, I do . "

"You do?" Ben remarks and glances at my Augusta .

"Augusta . "

"Wow, time flies," Caroline comments .

No . Time dies .

Ben holds his hips and nods seriously .

"I mean, f.u.c.k, we were just talking about boys-" she scoffs and I catch her undeniably sad eyes .

"Yes . Uh-John-?" I try .

"Tom . "

"Yeah, that f.u.c.king d.i.c.khead," Ben whispers audibly under his breath and Caroline smiles .

"He hates him," she tells me and I dare smile .

"He was terrible," I tell her .

"Still is," Ben interjects bitterly . "I mean, she decided to be Kim Possible for hi-"

"Benjamin!" Caroline gasps as if offended . "Kim Possible has orange hair!" She holds a curl to prove her point .

"It's just because you couldn't find the shade-" he replies nonchalantly and I decide to join .

"Oh, no, don't tell me you changed for him-" I say .

"I know right?" Ben jokes as if he wasn't crying a few minutes ago and Caroline scowls .

"Ben is just bullying me . I'm totally over him . "

"Of course you are," he teases her . "You're into me now . "

Oh, haha, nice move- I think and take a step back .

Caroline's eyes widen and her jaw drops . "No-" she fl.u.s.ters, her cheeks two beetroots . "No- no, Ben . Ew, you're my best friend . I mean, aren't we? We are!"

"You haven't seen the way she looks at me," Ben tells me with a smirk and I manage a chuckle . "She fantasizes about me if she stares at a spoon, a car, an eggplant-"

Caroline gasps and punches him in his arm but he doesn't budge as he laughs at her .

"You don't get to say things like that!" Caroline groans in embarra.s.sment .

"It's okay, buddy," Ben pulls her to his side and drapes his arm around her shoulders . "You can love me . I'm loveable . "

She's dying in his embrace .

I shake my head at them . At a life, I'll never live . A life I probably can't live as a matter of fact . And I'm not sure if I want to live it .

"It's good to know that you're all enjoying life," I tell them with a genuine smile and Ben takes a deep, deep breath before looking at me . And I understand . I understand that this is all I will ever know about them . That this is it . Perhaps the last time I'll ever see them . They're different versions of themselves now after all they've lost and gained .

I am a different version of myself .

And the way I see it, people that come in your life at a point then leave- they came for that version of yourself at that point of time . And them leaving, I think, is because the new version life makes of us (better or worse) will no longer be compatible with theirs again . And here comes the struggle . . .

The struggle of finding a person who will accept all your versions no matter how s.h.i.+tty they get .

To ill.u.s.trate, the time when Caroline, Ben and I first met, we were all versions that somehow flowed together . They were only compatible with Romeo- a pathological liar and not anxious Julius Caesar . I am certainly not compatible with a Kim Possible Caroline or a suddenly nice Benjamin just because his pain reminds me of mine- Augustus .

"It's a good life, Romeo," Ben tells me, snapping me out of my thoughts .

Caroline nods with a small smile as Ben drops a random kiss on top of her head .

"Yes, it is," I say finally with a small sigh before straightening up . "It was nice seeing you both again . "

They both nod at me with smiles that didn't quite reach their eyes before I turn on my heels with Augusta who starts s.h.i.+fting in my arm before her wide, ocean eyes snap open to the world . She fidgets more and looks at me like she knows me, before stretching her tiny mouth for a sleepy yawn .

My heart melts but that was before she starts wailing .

I need to get home .

---

I unlock the front door and is immediately greeted by Samantha's teary eyes, yet genuine grin . I bet she and her mother had a long, heated discussion .

I give her a curious look as she quickly approaches me . I carefully place a crying Augusta on the sofa before Samantha tackles me in a tight hug . I even have to release the poodle's b.l.o.o.d.y leash .

"What is happe-?" I start but she showers me with a lot of kisses on my face and I can't help grinning like a dork . "Your mother-" I try to pant out, but she presses her lips on mine, shus.h.i.+ng me as she runs her hands through my hair and I try not to get turned on .

She pulls away with a satisfied sigh, her arms wrapped securely around my neck .

I lift a brow and smirk . "Why does it look like my wife wants to be f.u.c.ked when her mommy is still here?"

"Your wife is depressed and wants to remember the good things in her life-" she replies with a shy smile and I nod at her, unamused . The more time I spent with her, the more I realized that she has the weirdest and loveliest ways when it comes to coping with any source of sadness (she becomes so unbelievably positive, it gets hilarious) . So essentially, right now, something is definitely up and she will start crying in a few . Wait for it .

"Works for me if I'm all the good things in your life," I murmur sincerely nevertheless, pulling her for another quick, sweet kiss and she chuckles breathlessly .

"Of course you are-" she grins and her eyes linger on my face for a while . "You look like an absolute snack right now-"

I tilt my head, my heart fluttering weakly in my chest at how her eyes are wide and studying me with so much love and interest . Please, don't start crying now, I think as I grin .

"You know how to turn me on at all the wrong times-"

She chuckles and her eyes suddenly tear up .

"Hmm," I study her as her eyes continue watering up . Ha! "I knew something was up with you-" I murmur softly, resting my forehead on hers and enjoying the beauty of her warmth .

"No, it's just that I love you-" she tells me, her voice on the verge of breaking . "You know that right? You mean the world to me . Yeah?"

"Of course, I do-" I smile at her . "Why are you worrying though? You're always . . . worried, love . It's unhealthy . I'm scared for y-"

She breathes heavily, looks down and I pull her even closer to me . "I'm not worried, Ceasar . "

"Then-?"

"I'm just annoyed at myself . "

"Why?" I ask, dropping a kiss on her red nose tip and she looks up, her transparent-blue eyes, wide and red-brimmed .

"Because I still love my mom . "

I smile slightly . "She's your mom . It's only natural . "

"No, Caesar-" she sniffs . "She's a liar . "

And just like that, we hear the sound of the washroom's door creak open . Samantha jumps away from me and I quickly help her wipe her tear-stained face with a smile . She then exhales heavily and I pull her to me, wrap my arms around her from behind as her mother waltzes into the living area, looking sharp and sophisticated . I feel Samantha tense in my hold .

She looks at us and I offer her a smile before she glances at the sofa .

"Oh my goodness," she exclaims . "The poor girl is . . . crying-"

Oh, ha, Augusta . What kind of parents are we?

I watch Samantha's mother shoo away her poodle from the foot of the sof 'Sparkle' is its name, if I'm not mistaken- before carefully picking up Augusta . She rocks her in her arms and I feel Samantha turn to look at me . I let go of her and walk to her struggling mother .

"Let me handle her," I offer and she forces a smile .

"Oh no," she says . "I was a mother before . I will be able to handle her-" she looks at Augusta and her face brightens . She then looks up at me . "She's a sweet little angel like her mother . "

"And she's also got Julius' sharp features . She'll be an absolute beauty-" Samantha comments from beside me and her mother looks up to glare at me . I try to be as polite as possible and not glare back and drag her through the h.e.l.l she dragged my love through . It is difficult . Very challenging and tests every nerve in my body .

She looks away disregarding me . "She will definitely be . It's still hard to know when the girl's barely a month old . "

Samantha nods and I notice the careful looks they keep exchanging . I s.h.i.+ft in place as Samantha's mother hands Augusta to me .

"I haven't introduced myself properly-" she tells me and I look her dead in the eyes . She looks away . "I'm Sharon Rose, a renowned fas.h.i.+on designer in Paris and your wife's mother . "

Sharon . Of course .

"It's a pleasure," I tell her with a small smile and she nods .

"Yes, anywho-" she glances at Samantha . "I really ought to leave now . I don't want to come off as . . . interfering-"

"Oh no, not all," Samantha says . "Not the least bit . "

"I will call you-" she tells Samantha and Samantha seems to take it as a challenge . "We will meet up more . "

"Sure, I will be waiting . "

Sharon then turns to me . "Uh- Julian? Can you please walk me to my car? I've parked it far away and it's getting dark . "

I raise my eyebrows, surprised as Samantha takes Augusta from me . It is still late in the afternoon . "Yes . Of course . "

Sharon smiles again at Samantha, runs her hand down her arm, gets her poodle and then we leave . We step out of the house and I lock the door as she adjusts her handbag and sungla.s.ses .

"Where did you par-?"

"Samantha hates me-" she tells me solidly and I pause not knowing how to respond . I mean, how can you tell someone politely- 'you deserve it, old hag'? Yes, there's certainly no way one can achieve that .

"But she's happy-" she continues and stops walking . We are now standing at the side of the street where a s.h.i.+ny, black Mercedes car is waiting for her . I look at her and she attempts a ridiculous smile . "With you . With Augusta . And that's all I'd wish for her . "

I nod silently . Awkwardly .

"She's really precious and I know I haven't given her what she deserves to get of love and affection," she admits and sighs . "But that's okay . She is happy . And for her to remain happy-" she pauses, heaves out a breath . "For her to remain happy-" she looks down and sniffs . "I'll have to forever be out of the picture . I will let her forget me . But you-" she looks at me and narrows her eyes . "You will have her all . All of her . And you daren't break her . You daren't let her even once sleep with a broken spirit . Do you understand me?" She asks sternly and I remain expressionless .

"Samantha won't be happy in your absence," I tell her simply . "You know that . "

She fidgets under my gaze and then shrugs . "I can't make the effort . Don't really want to if she's already happy . "

"Clearly . "

"I can't stand the accusing look she gives me-" she shakes her head, hand on chest . "It aches my heart . "

"So you run away?"

"Yes, Julian . I run away . "

"Okay . "

"Just take care of her . "

"Okay . "

She then grabs my wrist and I clench my jaws . "You have a pretty face . I really, really hope you aren't deceiving her . "

"Are you insinuating that your daughter is an idiot?"

"Exactly . But I am not . I will not hesitate to kill you . "

"Okay . "

She lets go of my wrist and gives me a once-over . She then opens the back seat door and the poodle hops in . "Au revoir," she then finally says and enters .

When the car starts and she finally leaves, I spit at the aroma of her strong perfume that still manages to engulf me before I make my way back into the house .

Samantha seems to have put Augusta to sleep and is sitting on the sofa beside her tapping her feet in apparent frustration . When she sees me she gets up and closes the distance between us .

"What did she tell you?" she asks anxiously and I shrug .

"She told me that she's going to get out of your life because the 'accusing look' you give her aches her pet.i.te, French 'heart'," I spit out and Samantha's shoulders slump .

"I knew it," she says in defeat . "She never wanted to make the effort . I just did her a favour . "

I approach her and hold her shoulders before pulling her in for a hug . I feel her hands curl into fists on my chest and sigh . "You knew she was a b.i.t.c.h . "

"Who goes by Sharon," her voice comes m.u.f.fled and I chuckle .

"Let her go-" I whisper in her ears and she pulls back .

"I have let go of that poodle-wors.h.i.+pping b.i.t.c.h the moment her foot crossed over the welcome mat-" she says despite the tears filling her eyes and I smile at how adorable she looks .

"Well, she had it coming . "

"Yup, the s.l.u.t called it-" she sniffs and I laugh at the fieriness her eyes hold . She then wipes the tears from her eyes . "f.u.c.k that . "

"Yes . That . "

She then looks me in my eyes, rose-cheeked, sighs heavily and bites her lower lip . She holds my fingertips and gets closer to me before whispering, "Kiss me like you wanna shatter every piece of my fragile heart . Kiss me and break my heart in ways that stupid b.i.t.c.h couldn't even do . "

And I am already aroused . I step closer to her and inhale her grief, yet bittersweet excitement .

"It's going to snow but it's getting really hot in here-" I lean in her left ear and smile against it . "Do you feel it?"

Samantha is grinning in uncontainable excitement as she wipes her final tears away and I take off my flannel followed by my s.h.i.+rt . I'm standing s.h.i.+rtless in front of her and her breath hitches like it's the first time she sees me like this .

I quickly pull her to my bare chest, lean in her ear again and whisper . "There's something important I need to tell you . "

She pulls away, a look of concern already painting her features, that manages to ignite a fire in my guts . Her concern, her love and care always, always get me . I pull her back to me .

"Not now . After-" I pant and look down at her . At her plain, oversized grey sweats.h.i.+rt and black leggings . "After this-" I gently pull down her ponytail and her dark hair, much longer now, comes cascading down her shoulders in waves . I hold my breath and drop the hair band to the floor . Samantha is totally under my spell now, eyes closed, chin raised and oh, G.o.d if that's how people look like when they pray to you, I understand why you asked us to pray for you . Absolutely pure and mesmerizing .

I circle my arms around and my hands drop to her hips before I get hold of her sweats.h.i.+rt's hem/ "After we get rid of this-" I whisper, my lips on her neck and I hear her gasp ever so gently as I smoothly pull it over her head . She's s.h.i.+vering, her pale skin stark against her black bra and leggings and her dark hair . Her eyes are wide and dizzy . I catch her in my arms .

I lean in, rest my chin on her shoulder and close my eyes as I feel her hot, rapid breaths against my bare shoulder . I trail my fingers up her spine's arch slowly, teasingly, holding my breath . I and her breathing stop when I reach her bra hook . She looks up at me, her eyes darker and her lips deeply bitten .

She takes my cold hand and puts it against her hot, chest . And I pant out, "Do you feel it breaking?" as I inhale her in, nuzzling my nose in her neck's soft skin . She cranes her neck at the sensation as I bite in her skin . She inhales sharply in pain, but I distract her when I unclasp her bra, kissing and sucking her neck like there is no tomorrow . She moans softly against my touch and I grab her even closer to me, rubbing my erection against her belly .

"You're so beautiful," I pant out as I look in her universe-holding eyes . But she puts her fingers deep in my hair roots and my eyes flutter close for a second only for her lips to capture mine in breathtaking harmony .

I pull back in a couple of seconds and gasp, "f.u.c.k" .

"What?" she bites her lower lip in worry and I'm suddenly staring at her full, succulent b.r.e.a.s.t.s . And it's no wonder I'm seeing two of everything .

"f.u.c.k, f.u.c.k, f.u.c.k," I chant and quickly carry her bridal style as she giggles before I collapse on top of her on my forearms on the sofa opposite to the one Augusta is sleeping on .

She helps unb.u.t.ton my pants as I dive in her almond-smelling hair and neck . I pull away and pull down her leggings and panties in no time .

Efficiency my friends, is very important in such dire situations . h.e.l.l, I can't breathe from my arousal .

I'm in her in no time and we work our amazing harmony . She's writhing beneath me, panting and wilting from pleasure, yet we both can't seem to have enough . And I give her my all .

"Oh my f.u.c.king G.o.d, Julius," she gasps out and I pant hopelessly . "My heart isn't even there anymore . "

I still inside her to laugh breathlessly . She giggles too, her face flushed and sweaty . I get out of her and come down on my forearms, above her . She's sprawled beneath me and laughing, her nose crinkling and her eyes watery from the fun she had .

She looks so happy, I think . I am so capable of keeping that smile on her face forever .

"I love your mom so much," I tell her and she snorts .

"Why?"

"For the amazing s.e.x she's just let us have-" I reply and Samantha, twists her upper half, hiding her face in the pillow that manages to m.u.f.fle her playful laughter .

"I love her for that too," she admits, face still in the pillow .

I get on my feet, put on my boxers and reach for Samantha's sweater . I throw it to her and she quickly puts it on .

I then return to the sofa and lay down next to her so we are face to face . We stare into each other's eyes as she takes my hand and intertwines our fingers . I clasp her hand, look down at them, then back at her with a smile .

"You said you have something important to tell me," she says and I purse my lips .

"It will sound insane . "

Samantha lifts a brow . "Uh-oh, I don't know what to think . "

Same, Samantha, so let's dive right in .

"I will meet with Father . "

She gets on her elbow excitedly, but I pull her down .

"You haven't listened to the insane part yet . "

Samantha blinks at me in antic.i.p.ation as I gently tighten my hold around her hand, look down and look up at her again . And just like that, I drop the bomb .

"And I will kill him . "

She stills completely, at loss of words and breaths . She looks in my eyes like she can't believe she's hearing right . She lets go of my hand and rises slowly to sit . I follow suit .

"No, what are you saying? You're just confused right now-" she starts, her smile vanis.h.i.+ng completely . "No-"

"Listen to me first," I ask her gently, furrowing my eyebrows . She needs to understand .

"Caesar, again?" she chokes on the words, tears up already and I shake my head . "My heart, again?"

"It's only fair," I say and she shakes her head in disbelief . "It's what I do . "

"What you do?!" she snaps at me and my breath gets caught in my throat . "What the h.e.l.l do you do?"

"We eliminate the danger . We kill criminals . Father is a criminal . It's my job . "

"But you stopped!" she yells .

"I did stop," I say calmly . "But things happened Samanth" I argue . "Things changed in me . I am meant for this kind of life-"

"Bulls.h.i.+t-!"

"You don't understand," I say, seeking her eyes that she won't give me . "You didn't go through what I went through . What Augustus went through . What Ben and Zig went through . You haven't experienced the death of a close, innocent person to you . He killed Audrey and an unborn child . He killed Sam . And he will continue killing anyone who comes in his way and burying their ashes under his carpet, in the name of eliminating the danger . "

I completely have Samantha's attention now . She's silent, looking straight ahead, but I know she's listening to me .

"I know that this came out of nowhere . I know-" I sigh, rubbing my temples . "But it'd be selfish to cower from that son of a b.i.t.c.h while he goes about killing whomever he desires . I'm his only weakness now . He thinks a pathetic, emotional loser right now . I have to use it against him and end this for once and all-" I catch Samantha's eyes . "Those doc.u.ments were a proof for all his illegal killings . Those d.a.m.ned doc.u.ments Augustus died for . Another innocent soul . "

"Do you have the doc.u.ments?" she asks hesitantly, still not looking at me and I shake my head .

"He must've destroyed them of course . I'm the only living witness of his bulls.h.i.+t . "

"What about Gorj?" she asks, her voice breaking .

"I am the CEO of Gorj, love . "

"You will take his place?" she asks breathlessly . "You will continue killing criminals? You will put this-this whole life you've struggled so hard to build at risk again?"

"Until the contract he had with the government ends . "

Samantha shakes her head . "What if it ends in ten years, Caesar?!"

I look down . "Then we'll figure something out . "

She purses her lips and then bursts . "Figure what out?! It's the G.o.dd.a.m.ned government!"

She's mad at me and she has every right to . But this is something that needs to be done .

"I know-" I stress as she just gets up from her place and stands in front of me, arms at her sides and hands in fists .

"You have just learnt what it means to be happy!" she cries . "You want to do this all over again?!"

"How will I sleep at night, Samantha?!" I shout back and she recoils . "How will I sleep when I know that my father is being a G.o.dd.a.m.ned angel in disguise slaughtering oblivious people?! I know what it does to people . I know how it'll kill them every day . "

"So you have to be the G.o.dd.a.m.ned hero, right?" she says . "You have no problem breaking our hearts again and again . "

"He is breaking a thousand hearts just by existing Samantha! Can't you see? He has been the villain all along . "

Samatha rubs at her temples and I can hear her heart really breaking this time . Breaking at her loss in this argument . She knows that what I'm saying is the right thing . She knows that I've made my mind up and now it's all her choice- whether to stay by my side for whatever this will take from us or walk away .

"What do you say?" I ask her gently and she pushes back the hair falling on her eyes . Her eyes are clear, yet teary .

"I say you're f.u.c.king crazy," she tells me with a heavy sigh and I shrug . "You want to blow all the-the peace that we've so painstakingly gathered all away . "

"You should know that I have no other choice-" I say firmly . "I cannot ignore something I know . I cannot act that the world is all candles and roses when there's a killer out there . My father . "

Samantha's breath hitches and I shake my head . "I'm so scared . "

I get up and stand right in front of her . "I am too, love, but sometimes fear never really subsides and we have to venture into all of the s.h.i.+t afraid . We don't always get to choose . "

"But I can't stand the thought of losing you, Caesar . I swear I'll die-" she breaks in front of me and my heart drops .

"Then you will never lose me-"

"No-" she shakes her head . "You don't understand-" she tears up quickly and heavily . "The thought of losing you terrifies me even more than all of this s.h.i.+t . Julius, I can't breathe, just imagining it-"

I pull her close to me and she hugs me tightly as she fiercely whispers about how much she loves me .

I pull her away and plant a kiss on her forehead . "I love you more, Samantha . " My heart lifts just on saying it as she looks up with her innocent, wide-eyes .

I link her pinkie with mine and put my forehead on hers, then I vow . "I promise you that I will never do anything that will harm any of us . I promise you that the only time I'll allow your heart to break is when we're having hot s.e.x and you're just so sweaty and s.e.xy and all of that . "

She smiles hesitantly and I peck her right eyelid . I pull her close to me and whisper in her ears . "You will call my father and have your normal 'best-friendy' conversation . You will ask him to come tomorrow and I'll take it from there . And as for now-" I pull back and twirl her around . She squeals in surprise as her back lands on my chest . I lean in her right ear . "Now we both need a sweltering, hot shower . Hm, what do you think?"

"August"

"We'll hear her if she cries . "

"Okay, I'll just tuck her in bed . "

"And I'll go prepare the shower," I wink at her and she flushes terribly .

Oh, so, where was I? Oh, yes, the shower . Julius POV . Ben . I say unimpressed as he pushes back his thick-rimmed gla.s.ses to his nose and tries controlling the bewildered expression on his face . The park is much more crowded than usual with kids shrill laughter and adults mundane chattering filling the curious silence between us . Ben looks very disoriented, his hands are shaky and his eyes jumping everywhere from Augusta to the poodle- anywhere but my face- but I am quickly proven wrong when he lifts his heavy gaze to meet mine . His lips float in the air with unsaid words and his eyes are weary yet alert . He looks tragic . I raise my eyebrows . I- he starts and tears his eyes away . -I looked for you for so long- He then looks up and I wait, adjusting Augusta on my arm . Yes . He then blinks rapidly and shakes his head . Im sorry . Uh- that sounded so creepy and weird . I frown uneasily . Its okay . How can I -er- help you? Ben straightens up and exhales heavily . I dont want your help . I- actually- he struggles to choose his words before he looks up and shrugs . I just want to talk to you . Talk to me? I scoff and suddenly sound meaner that my intention . Last time we met- Was about a year ago . I know- You know? Then whats there to talk about-? A little kid walks by us and squeals at the poodle that barks away at her . Sam . His eyes are watering up and s.h.i.+mmering in the weak sun rays . Sam? The way I say her name is like Im saying a foreign word . And I quickly realize that I spelt out a tornado of dark memories . I find myself sitting on the bench that happens to be beneath me . Sam- I repeat her name and gulp as I push away Augustus giddy smile when they used to be together . Stop . Stop . Stop . You know it, dont you? Ben says, his voice shaky . You know where she is, right? I look to my side where hes now sitting, elbows on knees and face a few inches away from me . His eyes are full of unshed tears and my heart almost breaks at the hope that caresses them and his parted, antic.i.p.ating lips . I mean, just say it! he demands, sniffing . I know you know where she is! I know she wouldnt just go missing like-like the f.u.c.king coppers said! I look at his bruised knuckles and his pants, dirty at the knees and feel sick . This- this is what Fathers recklessness has brought to peoples lives . This is how his demented, wicked concept that hes saving the innocent is failing . I can see it . I can see it in this boys not long enough breaths and his anxiety-inducing fidgeting . This is the price Ben and probably hundreds more pay and will continue to pay for Father to sit on his stupid couch and smoke a cigar while claiming his purpose as saving people from the danger . Little does he know that hes the danger . The danger that broke my heart and killed my brother I wont be hurt, okay? Ben yells, attracting little attention from the people around us . He looks at me and I know that he is right . He wont be hurt . Hes already hurt . Pain is pain . You cannot induce pain to pain . Sam is dead . She is, right? he says, moving away from me and resting his back to the bench . He tips back his head and looks at the sky . She has been dead for this whole year, right? He is trying his best to control his shaky voice and I look down . So I was looking for a dead girl-? I know he loves/loved her . And it reminds me of the day Augustus and I sat in the same park, but on another bench, talking about his heartbreak about the same person . I clench my jaws, threatening myself not to tear up . I just needed to know, he is talking loudly to himself . Ah, G.o.d . I dare glance at him and his gla.s.ses that are now abandoned on the empty s.p.a.ce between us and get hit by how similar his condition is to Augustus at that time . I tighten my hold around the leash and realize that the poodle stopped barking as if realizing how sour things turned . I look away . Was it painful? he asks, his hands covering his face and I shake my head . I wouldnt know- He then sharply looks at me . What do you mean? You know how she died, right? I do- Then how come you dont know if it was- I was never shot in the chest before- I say slowly and his jaw drops . Oh- he says deathly, quietly . So- it was painful- I dont think it missed her heart . So it was quick? Yes . Quick and painless- In the heart? Yes, right there- There is a pause of painful silence . Any last words? he asks and I look at his blood-shot eyes and suddenly I know what to do about a lot of things . Yes, I sigh . She said she loved you- Ben makes a face and scoffs as tears tumble down his cheeks . No- never . Bulls.h.i.+t- She said what she said, Ben- I thought she hated me- No- I shake my head . She loves you . And she wants you to let go- Really? Why? Did she say why? She said that you were never meant to be- Ben nods slowly, quickly licking his lower lip . Yes . We werent written in the stars . She wants you to let go . I will let go- he says slowly and my eyes water . She said all that? he then asks me and I nod . He then sniffs, lets out a sob and my heart hurts . Then she didnt really have a quick, painless death, did she? he says miserably and I avert my gaze away, blinking several times and drying my eyes . Who killed her? I shut my eyes before finding myself staring at Augustas pure, innocent face in awe . You killed her? he asks me ever so softly and I slowly look up at his antic.i.p.ating face . No . Who did? I dont answer and he forcefully grasps at my forearm . Who did? he presses and I glare at his easy-to-crush hand . He removes it instantly and I sigh . It doesnt matter now . What do you mean? he sniffs . I will find that man- I promise . And I will kill him . You will kill him? I will kill him . That will make you a murderer . I will kill him, I repeat, my chest filling with rippling and boiling hatred . I swear on my dead brothers soul Ill kill him . Okay . Okay? Yes, kill him . You should go, I tell him and he shoves on his gla.s.ses that fog up for a while . Caroline is coming for me . Caroline-? I ask, and almost immediately she pops out of a just-parked car . Her hair curls are much shorter than they used to be and are dyed bright red . I gawk at how shes fully covered in black without a drop of makeup on her face . She has changed . A lot . I watch her eyes bounce around the place in quick jerky movements before they fall on us . Her hands that are running through her hair freeze before dropping to her sides . She then flashes us a small smile before slowly approaching us in her black combat boots . Her steps seem to have lost their springiness and her eyes, their glow . I get up slowly and Ben follows suit . Hi! she says in her still-intact squeaky voice and I press a smile . h.e.l.lo . Took you long enough, Ben complains and gets to her side . Caroline smiles, her eyes brightening up at him . At least I found the book youve been dreaming about . And youve clearly found yourself some company- She trails off and glances at me with a slight smile and I nod . You changed . I blurt out and Carolines smile drops slowly as she consciously touches her hair- a reaction I find odd . I was not talking about her stupid style . I was talking about the death of her eyes and the lag in her steps . Stupid, superficial Caroline will never get it . Is it awful? I shake my head and glance at Ben who is eyeing the ground . Is it? Ben? Ben looks up and stares at Caroline for a good while . No . Not at all . Caroline blushes and I shrug . You have a baby! she blurts and I try not to cringe at how awkward this whole sudden lets-meet-and-converse-cause-why-not session is . Yes, I do . You do? Ben remarks and glances at my Augusta . Augusta . Wow, time flies, Caroline comments . No . Time dies . Ben holds his hips and nods seriously . I mean, f.u.c.k, we were just talking about boys- she scoffs and I catch her undeniably sad eyes . Yes . Uh-John-? I try . Tom . Yeah, that f.u.c.king d.i.c.khead, Ben whispers audibly under his breath and Caroline smiles . He hates him, she tells me and I dare smile . He was terrible, I tell her . Still is, Ben interjects bitterly . I mean, she decided to be Kim Possible for hi- Benjamin! Caroline gasps as if offended . Kim Possible has orange hair! She holds a curl to prove her point . Its just because you couldnt find the shade- he replies nonchalantly and I decide to join . Oh, no, dont tell me you changed for him- I say . I know right? Ben jokes as if he wasnt crying a few minutes ago and Caroline scowls . Ben is just bullying me . Im totally over him . Of course you are, he teases her . Youre into me now . Oh, haha, nice move- I think and take a step back . Carolines eyes widen and her jaw drops . No- she fl.u.s.ters, her cheeks two beetroots . No- no, Ben . Ew, youre my best friend . I mean, arent we? We are! You havent seen the way she looks at me, Ben tells me with a smirk and I manage a chuckle . She fantasizes about me if she stares at a spoon, a car, an eggplant- Caroline gasps and punches him in his arm but he doesnt budge as he laughs at her . You dont get to say things like that! Caroline groans in embarra.s.sment . Its okay, buddy, Ben pulls her to his side and drapes his arm around her shoulders . You can love me . Im loveable . Shes dying in his embrace . I shake my head at them . At a life, Ill never live . A life I probably cant live as a matter of fact . And Im not sure if I want to live it . Its good to know that youre all enjoying life, I tell them with a genuine smile and Ben takes a deep, deep breath before looking at me . And I understand . I understand that this is all I will ever know about them . That this is it . Perhaps the last time Ill ever see them . Theyre different versions of themselves now after all theyve lost and gained . I am a different version of myself . And the way I see it, people that come in your life at a point then leave- they came for that version of yourself at that point of time . And them leaving, I think, is because the new version life makes of us (better or worse) will no longer be compatible with theirs again . And here comes the struggle . The struggle of finding a person who will accept all your versions no matter how s.h.i.+tty they get . To ill.u.s.trate, the time when Caroline, Ben and I first met, we were all versions that somehow flowed together . They were only compatible with Romeo- a pathological liar and not anxious Julius Caesar . I am certainly not compatible with a Kim Possible Caroline or a suddenly nice Benjamin just because his pain reminds me of mine- Augustus . Its a good life, Romeo, Ben tells me, snapping me out of my thoughts . Caroline nods with a small smile as Ben drops a random kiss on top of her head . Yes, it is, I say finally with a small sigh before straightening up . It was nice seeing you both again . They both nod at me with smiles that didnt quite reach their eyes before I turn on my heels with Augusta who starts s.h.i.+fting in my arm before her wide, ocean eyes snap open to the world . She fidgets more and looks at me like she knows me, before stretching her tiny mouth for a sleepy yawn . My heart melts but that was before she starts wailing . I need to get home . --- I unlock the front door and is immediately greeted by Samanthas teary eyes, yet genuine grin . I bet she and her mother had a long, heated discussion . I give her a curious look as she quickly approaches me . I carefully place a crying Augusta on the sofa before Samantha tackles me in a tight hug . I even have to release the poodles b.l.o.o.d.y leash . What is happe-? I start but she showers me with a lot of kisses on my face and I cant help grinning like a dork . Your mother- I try to pant out, but she presses her lips on mine, shus.h.i.+ng me as she runs her hands through my hair and I try not to get turned on . She pulls away with a satisfied sigh, her arms wrapped securely around my neck . I lift a brow and smirk . Why does it look like my wife wants to be f.u.c.ked when her mommy is still here? Your wife is depressed and wants to remember the good things in her life- she replies with a shy smile and I nod at her, unamused . The more time I spent with her, the more I realized that she has the weirdest and loveliest ways when it comes to coping with any source of sadness (she becomes so unbelievably positive, it gets hilarious) . So essentially, right now, something is definitely up and she will start crying in a few . Wait for it . Works for me if Im all the good things in your life, I murmur sincerely nevertheless, pulling her for another quick, sweet kiss and she chuckles breathlessly . Of course you are- she grins and her eyes linger on my face for a while . You look like an absolute snack right now- I tilt my head, my heart fluttering weakly in my chest at how her eyes are wide and studying me with so much love and interest . Please, dont start crying now, I think as I grin . You know how to turn me on at all the wrong times- She chuckles and her eyes suddenly tear up . Hmm, I study her as her eyes continue watering up . Ha! I knew something was up with you- I murmur softly, resting my forehead on hers and enjoying the beauty of her warmth . No, its just that I love you- she tells me, her voice on the verge of breaking . You know that right? You mean the world to me . Yeah? Of course, I do- I smile at her . Why are you worrying though? Youre always . worried, love . Its unhealthy . Im scared for y- She breathes heavily, looks down and I pull her even closer to me . Im not worried, Ceasar . Then-? Im just annoyed at myself . Why? I ask, dropping a kiss on her red nose tip and she looks up, her transparent-blue eyes, wide and red-brimmed . Because I still love my mom . I smile slightly . Shes your mom . Its only natural . No, Caesar- she sniffs . Shes a liar . And just like that, we hear the sound of the washrooms door creak open . Samantha jumps away from me and I quickly help her wipe her tear-stained face with a smile . She then exhales heavily and I pull her to me, wrap my arms around her from behind as her mother waltzes into the living area, looking sharp and sophisticated . I feel Samantha tense in my hold . She looks at us and I offer her a smile before she glances at the sofa . Oh my goodness, she exclaims . The poor girl is . crying- Oh, ha, Augusta . What kind of parents are we? I watch Samanthas mother shoo away her poodle from the foot of the sof Sparkle is its name, if Im not mistaken- before carefully picking up Augusta . She rocks her in her arms and I feel Samantha turn to look at me . I let go of her and walk to her struggling mother . Let me handle her, I offer and she forces a smile . Oh no, she says . I was a mother before . I will be able to handle her- she looks at Augusta and her face brightens . She then looks up at me . Shes a sweet little angel like her mother . And shes also got Julius sharp features . Sh.e.l.l be an absolute beauty- Samantha comments from beside me and her mother looks up to glare at me . I try to be as polite as possible and not glare back and drag her through the h.e.l.l she dragged my love through . It is difficult . Very challenging and tests every nerve in my body . She looks away disregarding me . She will definitely be . Its still hard to know when the girls barely a month old . Samantha nods and I notice the careful looks they keep exchanging . I s.h.i.+ft in place as Samanthas mother hands Augusta to me . I havent introduced myself properly- she tells me and I look her dead in the eyes . She looks away . Im Sharon Rose, a renowned fas.h.i.+on designer in Paris and your wifes mother . Sharon . Of course . Its a pleasure, I tell her with a small smile and she nods . Yes, anywho- she glances at Samantha . I really ought to leave now . I dont want to come off as . interfering- Oh no, not all, Samantha says . Not the least bit . I will call you- she tells Samantha and Samantha seems to take it as a challenge . We will meet up more . Sure, I will be waiting . Sharon then turns to me . Uh- Julian? Can you please walk me to my car? Ive parked it far away and its getting dark . I raise my eyebrows, surprised as Samantha takes Augusta from me . It is still late in the afternoon . Yes . Of course . Sharon smiles again at Samantha, runs her hand down her arm, gets her poodle and then we leave . We step out of the house and I lock the door as she adjusts her handbag and sungla.s.ses . Where did you par-? Samantha hates me- she tells me solidly and I pause not knowing how to respond . I mean, how can you tell someone politely- you deserve it, old hag? Yes, theres certainly no way one can achieve that . But shes happy- she continues and stops walking . We are now standing at the side of the street where a s.h.i.+ny, black Mercedes car is waiting for her . I look at her and she attempts a ridiculous smile . With you . With Augusta . And thats all Id wish for her . I nod silently . Awkwardly . Shes really precious and I know I havent given her what she deserves to get of love and affection, she admits and sighs . But thats okay . She is happy . And for her to remain happy- she pauses, heaves out a breath . For her to remain happy- she looks down and sniffs . Ill have to forever be out of the picture . I will let her forget me . But you- she looks at me and narrows her eyes . You will have her all . All of her . And you darent break her . You darent let her even once sleep with a broken spirit . Do you understand me? She asks sternly and I remain expressionless . Samantha wont be happy in your absence, I tell her simply . You know that . She fidgets under my gaze and then shrugs . I cant make the effort . Dont really want to if shes already happy . Clearly . I cant stand the accusing look she gives me- she shakes her head, hand on chest . It aches my heart . So you run away? Yes, Julian . I run away . Okay . Just take care of her . Okay . She then grabs my wrist and I clench my jaws . You have a pretty face . I really, really hope you arent deceiving her . Are you insinuating that your daughter is an idiot? Exactly . But I am not . I will not hesitate to kill you . Okay . She lets go of my wrist and gives me a once-over . She then opens the back seat door and the poodle hops in . Au revoir, she then finally says and enters . When the car starts and she finally leaves, I spit at the aroma of her strong perfume that still manages to engulf me before I make my way back into the house . Samantha seems to have put Augusta to sleep and is sitting on the sofa beside her tapping her feet in apparent frustration . When she sees me she gets up and closes the distance between us . What did she tell you? she asks anxiously and I shrug . She told me that shes going to get out of your life because the accusing look you give her aches her pet.i.te, French heart, I spit out and Samanthas shoulders slump . I knew it, she says in defeat . She never wanted to make the effort . I just did her a favour . I approach her and hold her shoulders before pulling her in for a hug . I feel her hands curl into fists on my chest and sigh . You knew she was a b.i.t.c.h . Who goes by Sharon, her voice comes m.u.f.fled and I chuckle . Let her go- I whisper in her ears and she pulls back . I have let go of that poodle-wors.h.i.+pping b.i.t.c.h the moment her foot crossed over the welcome mat- she says despite the tears filling her eyes and I smile at how adorable she looks . Well, she had it coming . Yup, the s.l.u.t called it- she sniffs and I laugh at the fieriness her eyes hold . She then wipes the tears from her eyes . f.u.c.k that . Yes . That . She then looks me in my eyes, rose-cheeked, sighs heavily and bites her lower lip . She holds my fingertips and gets closer to me before whispering, Kiss me like you wanna shatter every piece of my fragile heart . Kiss me and break my heart in ways that stupid b.i.t.c.h couldnt even do . And I am already aroused . I step closer to her and inhale her grief, yet bittersweet excitement . Its going to snow but its getting really hot in here- I lean in her left ear and smile against it . Do you feel it? Samantha is grinning in uncontainable excitement as she wipes her final tears away and I take off my flannel followed by my s.h.i.+rt . Im standing s.h.i.+rtless in front of her and her breath hitches like its the first time she sees me like this . I quickly pull her to my bare chest, lean in her ear again and whisper . Theres something important I need to tell you . She pulls away, a look of concern already painting her features, that manages to ignite a fire in my guts . Her concern, her love and care always, always get me . I pull her back to me . Not now . After- I pant and look down at her . At her plain, oversized grey sweats.h.i.+rt and black leggings . After this- I gently pull down her ponytail and her dark hair, much longer now, comes cascading down her shoulders in waves . I hold my breath and drop the hair band to the floor . Samantha is totally under my spell now, eyes closed, chin raised and oh, G.o.d if thats how people look like when they pray to you, I understand why you asked us to pray for you . Absolutely pure and mesmerizing . I circle my arms around and my hands drop to her hips before I get hold of her sweats.h.i.+rts hem/ After we get rid of this- I whisper, my lips on her neck and I hear her gasp ever so gently as I smoothly pull it over her head . Shes s.h.i.+vering, her pale skin stark against her black bra and leggings and her dark hair . Her eyes are wide and dizzy . I catch her in my arms . I lean in, rest my chin on her shoulder and close my eyes as I feel her hot, rapid breaths against my bare shoulder . I trail my fingers up her spines arch slowly, teasingly, holding my breath . I and her breathing stop when I reach her bra hook . She looks up at me, her eyes darker and her lips deeply bitten . She takes my cold hand and puts it against her hot, chest . And I pant out, Do you feel it breaking? as I inhale her in, nuzzling my nose in her necks soft skin . She cranes her neck at the sensation as I bite in her skin . She inhales sharply in pain, but I distract her when I unclasp her bra, kissing and sucking her neck like there is no tomorrow . She moans softly against my touch and I grab her even closer to me, rubbing my erection against her belly . Youre so beautiful, I pant out as I look in her universe-holding eyes . But she puts her fingers deep in my hair roots and my eyes flutter close for a second only for her lips to capture mine in breathtaking harmony . I pull back in a couple of seconds and gasp, f.u.c.k . What? she bites her lower lip in worry and Im suddenly staring at her full, succulent b.r.e.a.s.t.s . And its no wonder Im seeing two of everything . f.u.c.k, f.u.c.k, f.u.c.k, I chant and quickly carry her bridal style as she giggles before I collapse on top of her on my forearms on the sofa opposite to the one Augusta is sleeping on . She helps unb.u.t.ton my pants as I dive in her almond-smelling hair and neck . I pull away and pull down her leggings and panties in no time . Efficiency my friends, is very important in such dire situations . h.e.l.l, I cant breathe from my arousal . Im in her in no time and we work our amazing harmony . Shes writhing beneath me, panting and wilting from pleasure, yet we both cant seem to have enough . And I give her my all . Oh my f.u.c.king G.o.d, Julius, she gasps out and I pant hopelessly . My heart isnt even there anymore . I still inside her to laugh breathlessly . She giggles too, her face flushed and sweaty . I get out of her and come down on my forearms, above her . Shes sprawled beneath me and laughing, her nose crinkling and her eyes watery from the fun she had . She looks so happy, I think . I am so capable of keeping that smile on her face forever . I love your mom so much, I tell her and she snorts . Why? For the amazing s.e.x shes just let us have- I reply and Samantha, twists her upper half, hiding her face in the pillow that manages to m.u.f.fle her playful laughter . I love her for that too, she admits, face still in the pillow . I get on my feet, put on my boxers and reach for Samanthas sweater . I throw it to her and she quickly puts it on . I then return to the sofa and lay down next to her so we are face to face . We stare into each others eyes as she takes my hand and intertwines our fingers . I clasp her hand, look down at them, then back at her with a smile . You said you have something important to tell me, she says and I purse my lips . It will sound insane . Samantha lifts a brow . Uh-oh, I dont know what to think . Same, Samantha, so lets dive right in . I will meet with Father . She gets on her elbow excitedly, but I pull her down . You havent listened to the insane part yet . Samantha blinks at me in antic.i.p.ation as I gently tighten my hold around her hand, look down and look up at her again . And just like that, I drop the bomb . And I will kill him . She stills completely, at loss of words and breaths . She looks in my eyes like she cant believe shes hearing right . She lets go of my hand and rises slowly to sit . I follow suit . No, what are you saying? Youre just confused right now- she starts, her smile vanis.h.i.+ng completely . No- Listen to me first, I ask her gently, furrowing my eyebrows . She needs to understand . Caesar, again? she chokes on the words, tears up already and I shake my head . My heart, again? Its only fair, I say and she shakes her head in disbelief . Its what I do . What you do?! she snaps at me and my breath gets caught in my throat . What the h.e.l.l do you do? We eliminate the danger . We kill criminals . Father is a criminal . Its my job . But you stopped! she yells . I did stop, I say calmly . But things happened Samanth I argue . Things changed in me . I am meant for this kind of life- Bulls.h.i.+t-! You dont understand, I say, seeking her eyes that she wont give me . You didnt go through what I went through . What Augustus went through . What Ben and Zig went through . You havent experienced the death of a close, innocent person to you . He killed Audrey and an unborn child . He killed Sam . And he will continue killing anyone who comes in his way and burying their ashes under his carpet, in the name of eliminating the danger . I completely have Samanthas attention now . Shes silent, looking straight ahead, but I know shes listening to me . I know that this came out of nowhere . I know- I sigh, rubbing my temples . But itd be selfish to cower from that son of a b.i.t.c.h while he goes about killing whomever he desires . Im his only weakness now . He thinks a pathetic, emotional loser right now . I have to use it against him and end this for once and all- I catch Samanthas eyes . Those doc.u.ments were a proof for all his illegal killings . Those d.a.m.ned doc.u.ments Augustus died for . Another innocent soul . Do you have the doc.u.ments? she asks hesitantly, still not looking at me and I shake my head . He mustve destroyed them of course . Im the only living witness of his bulls.h.i.+t . What about Gorj? she asks, her voice breaking . I am the CEO of Gorj, love . You will take his place? she asks breathlessly . You will continue killing criminals? You will put this-this whole life youve struggled so hard to build at risk again? Until the contract he had with the government ends . Samantha shakes her head . What if it ends in ten years, Caesar?! I look down . Then well figure something out . She purses her lips and then bursts . Figure what out?! Its the G.o.dd.a.m.ned government! Shes mad at me and she has every right to . But this is something that needs to be done . I know- I stress as she just gets up from her place and stands in front of me, arms at her sides and hands in fists . You have just learnt what it means to be happy! she cries . You want to do this all over again?! How will I sleep at night, Samantha?! I shout back and she recoils . How will I sleep when I know that my father is being a G.o.dd.a.m.ned angel in disguise slaughtering oblivious people?! I know what it does to people . I know how itll kill them every day . So you have to be the G.o.dd.a.m.ned hero, right? she says . You have no problem breaking our hearts again and again . He is breaking a thousand hearts just by existing Samantha! Cant you see? He has been the villain all along . Samatha rubs at her temples and I can hear her heart really breaking this time . Breaking at her loss in this argument . She knows that what Im saying is the right thing . She knows that Ive made my mind up and now its all her choice- whether to stay by my side for whatever this will take from us or walk away . What do you say? I ask her gently and she pushes back the hair falling on her eyes . Her eyes are clear, yet teary . I say youre f.u.c.king crazy, she tells me with a heavy sigh and I shrug . You want to blow all the-the peace that weve so painstakingly gathered all away . You should know that I have no other choice- I say firmly . I cannot ignore something I know . I cannot act that the world is all candles and roses when theres a killer out there . My father . Samanthas breath hitches and I shake my head . Im so scared . I get up and stand right in front of her . I am too, love, but sometimes fear never really subsides and we have to venture into all of the s.h.i.+t afraid . We dont always get to choose . But I cant stand the thought of losing you, Caesar . I swear Ill die- she breaks in front of me and my heart drops . Then you will never lose me- No- she shakes her head . You dont understand- she tears up quickly and heavily . The thought of losing you terrifies me even more than all of this s.h.i.+t . Julius, I cant breathe, just imagining it- I pull her close to me and she hugs me tightly as she fiercely whispers about how much she loves me . I pull her away and plant a kiss on her forehead . I love you more, Samantha . My heart lifts just on saying it as she looks up with her innocent, wide-eyes . I link her pinkie with mine and put my forehead on hers, then I vow . I promise you that I will never do anything that will harm any of us . I promise you that the only time Ill allow your heart to break is when were having hot s.e.x and youre just so sweaty and s.e.xy and all of that . She smiles hesitantly and I peck her right eyelid . I pull her close to me and whisper in her ears . You will call my father and have your normal best-friendy conversation . You will ask him to come tomorrow and Ill take it from there . And as for now- I pull back and twirl her around . She squeals in surprise as her back lands on my chest . I lean in her right ear . Now we both need a sweltering, hot shower . Hm, what do you think? August Well hear her if she cries . Okay, Ill just tuck her in bed . And Ill go prepare the shower, I wink at her and she flushes terribly . Oh, so, where was I? Oh, yes, the shower .