Sir Apropos - Tong Lashing Part 17

"The life it is my right to deny you." He sounded rather reasonable about it, even though his words were daunting. "Do you deny that?"

Mitsu looked as if she was about to say something far more defiant, but then changed her mind.

Instead she simply stared resolutely ahead.

"You have acted in a manner that is disgraceful. That brings dishonor to your name, and to the dragon throne. Honor must be restored."

I felt a chill gripping my spine. I didn't know where this was going, but I couldn't say I liked the drift of it.

The Imperior clapped his hands briskly three times. In a moment, three young women dressed in silk kimonos ran in quickly. They moved lightly, almost as if they were dancing upon their toes. With their hair done up identically and the same sort of makeup, they were almost impossible to distinguish one from the other.

"Your handmaids. They have missed you," said the Imperior.

"Choose one."

"Choose...?"

"One. To die in your stead and so preserve your honor."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was madness. Madness. Certainly she would say something to intercede, come up with some way to save the life of an innocent young woman who had done nothing to deserve...

Mitsu pointed at the one in the middle. "That one," she said carelessly, as if she were randomly picking out a frock to wear.

But... surely the handmaiden would protest. Cry. Plead for her life. Put forward her sense of betrayal, or...

The handmaiden promptly dropped to her knees, pulled out a small dagger, and plunged it into her perfect breast. "It is an honor," she said, and then fell forward so softly I never even heard her hit the floor.

At which point I knew I was definitely in an asylum that had been taken over by madmen.

I had gone through my life encountering people who had no sense of honor, or else possessed honor in a way that was personally convenient. Here in Chinpan, honor had been taken to the opposite degree.

It had been elevated to a point where it superseded compa.s.sion or wisdom or even basic humanity. Lifeitself had no meaning other than to lay it down at the most capricious of whims.

The Imperior didn't even glance at the handmaiden who had taken her own life on behalf of his daughter. Instead, to my gnawing horror, he turned his attention to me. "And this?"

I waited for her to provide an explanation for me. To come up with some way of finessing a way around the obvious fact that I was like nothing her father had ever seen... which would inherently be fatal.

Silence.

"Well?" he prompted.

More silence. I risked a glance in her direction, surrept.i.tiously under one of my arms. Her lips were thinned, her face impa.s.sive.

She wasn't going to say a d.a.m.ned thing.

My mouth was suddenly very dry as I realized I was about a sentence or two away from death.

Fortunately enough, it was when I was at my most desperate that I was usually at my best.

Keeping my eyes resolutely upon the floor, I ventured, "She does not answer, O Divine One, because she is aware that you already know the answer."

There was a pause during which--not for the first time--my life flashed before my eyes. I couldn't say I was any prouder of it this go-around than before.

"Indeed," he said.

"Well... of course. How could you not?" Gaining confidence, however misplaced it might have been, I said, "After all, you are the..."

Blood from the fallen handmaiden was trickling toward me. I moved my feet carefully, trying not to be ill. "You are the chosen of the G.o.ds," I continued, my voice not shaking only through great effort.

"Naturally it would be unthinkable that you would not know who I am and from where I hail."

"Yes. It would be unthinkable." He paused. "So tell me... what you think I know."

"I... think you know that my name is Po. That I am an amba.s.sador from the state of Isteria, from the ruler known as Runcible."

"And you have, of course, brought me an offering from your king."

I froze for a moment, but then reached into the hidden compartment on my staff and extracted several Isterian coins. "These are exceptionally valuable. Very limited in number. He wanted you to have them."

Without looking up at him, I extended the coins. It was just a couple of sovs, nothing special. But they had the king's features imprinted upon them.

The Imperior took them and studied them thoughtfully. "Very generous," he said. "And, of course...

you are able to guess how your king knew of our land."

My brain froze. I cursed myself for a fool. That simple notion had not occurred to me. I didn't havethe slightest inkling how King Runcible--or, in point of fact, any monarch I might have served back in my homeland--could possibly have come to have knowledge of the land of Chinpan.

But then I calmed as I realized I didn't have to know. The whole point of this wasn't to cover my knowledge; it was to cover the Imperior's lack of same.

"I could not guess that, Imperior," I told him with a carefully manufactured hint of embarra.s.sment, and a generous helping of subservience to boot. "I am but a humble messenger. When I am told to go, I go. It is not for me to question my ruler, or to ask how he came by certain knowledge. Certainly it is enough that he know, you know, and the G.o.ds know. What matter if a humble creature such as I am aware of the truth of the matter? As long as those whom I obey know the true nature of things, that is more than sufficient."

"As it should be," said the Imperior judiciously. "Rise. Rise, messenger Po."

I was afraid to relax as I did so. For all I knew, I was being asked to stand up in order to make a simpler target for a large man with a large sword.

"My understanding," said the Imperior, his hands folded within the sleeves of his garment, "is that you were in the fish market with my daughter. That you were attacked."

"That is right, Imperior."

"By members of the Skang Kei family... they themselves allies of the Forked Tong."

"That is correct again, Imperior," I a.s.sured him. I sounded utterly subservient, and was perfectly comfortable doing so. He seemed to prefer it that way, and if it was going to enable me to keep myself alive, I was happy to do it.

Slowly the Imperior shook his head, his long white beard waggling from side to side, making him look like a human-shaped goat. "It is obvious why they were there," he said. "They sought to attack my daughter. To take her from me and make her a prisoner in hopes that I would bow to their will."

"b.a.s.t.a.r.ds," I whispered in indignation.

"Indeed," agreed the Imperior, his whiskered eyebrows furrowing. "Indeed they are."

I wasn't about to correct him, of course. The fact was that the Forked Tong or Skang Kei family didn't have the slightest clue about Mitsu being there with me. Which is not to say they wouldn't have acted upon it if they had known. But they hadn't. In fact, when Mitsu ran off, they ignored her utterly and continued a.s.sailing me.

Which meant that they wanted something from me, not her.

Except I wasn't about to tell the Imperior that. Because he was reputed to be all-knowing, and one simply didn't correct all-knowing people, particularly when such corrections could cost you your life.

"Something," he continued, "must be done."

Speaking very delicately, for one never wanted to be too aggressive when dealing with a homicidal loon, I said, "Well... perhaps I was misinformed, your ill.u.s.triousness, but I have heard tell that you haveissued a reward for any who are able to help bring an end to the Forked Tong and their a.s.sociates...

including the Anais Ninjas. Is that correct?"

"Yes. Yes, you have heard truly," said the Imperior. He stepped down from his throne, and I was amused to see that he came up barely to shoulder level on me. Since I was hardly a giant of a man, it certainly cut down on his regalness, at least for me. He looked me up and down. "I am an excellent judge of character, Po. And I..." He glanced down. "What is this doing here?"

He was looking at the corpse of the handmaiden.

"She took her life, Father, in order to please you." There was no anger, no edge to Mitsu's comment.

To her it was simply by way of explanation. She was so matter-of-fact about it that it prompted me to wonder just how many times this scene had been played out in similar fas.h.i.+on on other occasions.

"I know that," he said. "Why isn't it cleaned up?"

Immediately a squad of servants charged forward. Two of them were carrying a large piece of cloth, and they used it to roll up the body. The rest of them used cleaning materials to wipe up the spilled blood as best they could. My guess was that they would come back later with was.h.i.+ng fluids to try and get up the remainder of the mess. My further guess was that they had a good deal of experience with it.

The message was obvious: Life here was cheap.

"I am an excellent judge of character, Po," he repeated, "and it is my belief that you would do well to serve on my council."

"What?" The decision caught me off guard. At that moment my major concern was trying to figure out what to do if he started demanding I eviscerate myself because he didn't like my haircut or thought that I'd looked at him cross-eyed. An advisory position was the furthest thing from my mind.

"Yes. There has been a place open on my council ever since the departure of my sick younger brother."

"Oh. Well, I... I hope he recovers soon."

"I doubt he will," said the Imperior, in a tone that implied to me that the brother might not have gotten sick all on his own. That his older brother might have given him some help on that score. I suspected the less I knew of that, the better.

"But Your Graciousness," I reminded him, "I am simply a humble messenger..."

"It is the wise man who knows his own humility. It is settled." He clapped his hands briskly and more retainers rushed forward. I couldn't blame them for rus.h.i.+ng. Around this place, the slightest hesitation could result in personal disaster. "Bring Po to a guest suite. See that he is bathed. He smells distinctly like fish. Then have him properly outfitted and brought to the council chamber within the hour." Almost as an afterthought, he turned to me and said, "Would you like to have s.e.x?"

I felt as if I'd been struck in the head with a mallet. The old man was looking at me expectantly.

"Your... Greatness, I... I don't know what to say..." "Either 'yes' or 'no' would be acceptable answers."

"I... of course, I'm... I'm just... wondering whether I'm... I'm worthy of such an honor..."

Mitsu, smirking, said, "He means with a female bathing attendant. Not with him."

I felt a great weight unclench from my chest. "Oh. Uhm... very generous, Your Wors.h.i.+p, but... I'm not interested right now..."

"Males are also available," suggested Mitsu.

"I'm not in the mood, all right?" I said frostily to Mitsu.

"As you wish," said the Imperior, and clapped his hands.

The last sight I had of the throne room was the attendants trying to mop up the blood of the fallen handmaiden.

Chapter 3.

Tub Thumping

Bathing was a curious proposition, particularly since there was another man in the tub.

As much as I had no idea of what to expect in the royal palace, the notion that there was a man in the tub when I arrived at the bathing area was another level of lack of expectation entirely.

I was wearing a white linen robe upon my arrival, accompanied by a young woman who kept refusing to make eye contact with me no matter how much I encouraged her to do so. I stopped when I saw the scowling, bare-chested man lounging in a very large wooden tub in the center of the room. There was also a large drain to one side, which allowed any water splas.h.i.+ng upon the floor to run off.

"I'm sorry," I said slowly. "I... didn't know this was occupied. We can come back later..."

"Bathe," he said brusquely. His face was long and square-jawed, and his eyes were slate gray and hard, hard as granite. His gravelly voice rumbled from deep within his chest. This was someone who could probably break me in half with his bare hands.

I was so distracted that I was barely paying attention when the serving girl pulled the robe off me, leaving me standing there stark naked and rather self-conscious about the whole thing. G.o.ds knew I'd been s.e.xually active in my life... particularly during one time when a magic ring lodged on my privates hadbrought me more female companions.h.i.+p than most men experienced in five lifetimes. Yet I still felt embarra.s.sed about standing nude in front of this young girl who was a total stranger... not to mention being subjected to the withering glance of the man in the tub. And I do mean withering.

She then proceeded to wash me down with warm cloths. It was relaxing, but I was a bit puzzled.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to separate my mind from the fact that this attractive young woman was busily scrubbing my b.u.t.tocks.

"Cleaning you, sir," she said.

"Then... what's the point of the bath?"

The man in the tub replied, as if speaking to a fool, "Bring a filthy body into the bath? The water will become dirty and unusable."

I was about to toss off a retort before realizing that he had a valid point. So I simply stood there and allowed her to wash me off, which was probably the best thing that had happened to me that day, or even in the past month. Once she'd cleaned me to her satisfaction, she gestured toward the tub. I looked at the man warily. He didn't seem to be going anywhere. The tub was wide enough, however, that there was ample room for two. In fact, half a dozen people could have fit in there with little to no difficulty.

So I eased myself into the tub, forcing a smile, and making sure that no part of me came into contact with the other man. He continued to scowl. I was starting to think it was the only expression at his command.

There was a small wooden ridge extending from beneath the water which appeared to run the circ.u.mference of the tub. Obviously it was there to sit on, and I did so. The wood was smooth, for which I was grateful. I wasn't interested in getting splinters in delicate areas.

There was a long silence then. Finally I told him, "I am called Po."