Chantecler Part 10

CHANTECLER What--?

THE BLACKBIRD You see, she must take advantage of the time when the garden is deserted, and yet have it a five-o'clock tea. So she chose the hour when the old gardener is at his early potations.

CHANTECLER What nonsense!

THE BLACKBIRD Quite so.

PATOU You needn't talk. You go to her teas.

CHANTECLER He goes--?

THE BLACKBIRD Yes, I am one of their ornaments.

PATOU And I am not so sure but that some day--

CHANTECLER What are you mumbling to your bra.s.s-studded collar?

PATOU --some Hen may get you too to go!

CHANTECLER Me?

PATOU You!

CHANTECLER Me?--

PATOU Led by the end of your beak.

CHANTECLER [_In high wrath._] Me?--

PATOU For when a new Hen heaves in sight, you can't help yourself, you know--you lose your balance-wheel--

THE BLACKBIRD You slowly circ.u.mambulate the fair one--[_He imitates the_ c.o.c.k _walking around a_ HEN.] "Yes, it's me.--Here I am!" And you say, "Coa--"

CHANTECLER I never knew a more idiotic bird!

THE BLACKBIRD [_Continuing to mimic him._] You let your wing hang, sentimentally--your foot performs a sort of stately jig--[_A shot is heard._] Ha! I don't like that!

PATOU [_Starts up quivering, and scents the air._] Poaching Julius is at his tricks again!

THE BLACKBIRD Dog, it seems to stimulate you agreeably!

PATOU [_With ears up-p.r.i.c.ked and s.h.i.+ning eyes._] Yes! [_Suddenly, as if controlling himself, pa.s.sionately._] No--!

THE BLACKBIRD What affects you so?

PATOU Oh, horrible, horrible! A poor little partridge perhaps--

THE BLACKBIRD Is that streaming eye, my friend, a result of age or rheumatism?

PATOU Neither! But I have within me several dogs, and there is conflict amidst me. My hunter's nostril twitches at a shot, but, directly, my house-dog's memory raises before me a bleeding wing, the glazing eye of a doe, the pathos of a rabbit's dying look--and I feel the heart of a Saint Bernard waking in my breast! [_Another shot._]

CHANTECLER Again?

SCENE FIFTH

THE SAME, A GOLDEN PHEASANT, _later_ BRIFFAUT.

A GOLDEN PHEASANT [_Flying suddenly over the wall, and dropping in the yard, mad with fright._] Hide me!

CHANTECLER Heavens!

PATOU A golden pheasant!

GOLDEN PHEASANT Is this great Chantecler?

THE BLACKBIRD All over the shop, we're famous!

GOLDEN PHEASANT [_Running hither and thither._] Save me, if you are he!

CHANTECLER I am!--Rely on me!

[_Another shot._]

GOLDEN PHEASANT [_Jumping and casting himself on_ CHANTECLER.] Merciful powers!

CHANTECLER But what a nervous bird it is--a golden pheasant!

GOLDEN PHEASANT I have no breath left! I ran too hard!-[_Faints._]

THE BLACKBIRD Puff!--Out goes his light!

CHANTECLER [_Upholding the_ PHEASANT _with one wing._] How beautiful he is, with drooping neck and softly ruffled throat-feathers! [_He runs to the drinking-trough._] Water!--One almost hesitates to dim such beauty with a wetting--[_He splashes him vigorously with his other wing._]

THE GOLDEN PHEASANT [_Coming to._] I am pursued! Oh, hide me!

THE BLACKBIRD "And the villain still--" Here's melodrama!

[_To the_ PHEASANT.] How the d.i.c.kens did he manage to miss you?

THE PHEASANT Surprise!--The huntsman was looking for a little grey lark. Seeing me rise, he cried, "Thunder!" He saw but a flash of gold, and I a flash of fire.--But the dog is chasing me, a horrible dog--[_Seeing_ PATOU _he quickly adds._] I am speaking of a hunting-dog! [_To_ CHANTECLER.]

Hide me!

CHANTECLER The trouble is he is so conspicuous. That increases our dilemma. Where can he lie concealed?--Gentle sir, my lord, most n.o.ble stranger, where might we hope to hide the rainbow, supposing it in danger?

PATOU There by the bench with the beehives stands my green cottage, very much at your service.--Go in, I pray! [_The_ GOLDEN PHEASANT _goes in, but his long tail projects._] There is too much of this golden vanity!--The tip is still in sight.--I shall have to sit on it.