The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 109

THES. Remove this person.

[Stup and Prep seize Ap and Mars]

JUP. Stop, you evidently don't know me. Allow me to offer you my card. [Throws flash paper]

THES. Ah yes, it's very pretty, but we don't want any at present.

When we do our Christmas piece, I'll let you know. [Changing his manner] Look here, you know this is a private party and we haven't the pleasure of your acquaintance. There are a good many other mountains about, if you must have a mountain all to yourself. Don't make me let myself down before my company.

[Resuming] Don't know yah, Don't know yah.

JUP. I am Jupiter, the king of the G.o.ds. This is Apollo. This is Mars. [All kneel to them except Thespis]

THES. Oh. Then as I'm a respectable man, and rather particular about the company I keep, I think I'll go.

JUP. No--no--stop a bit. We want to consult you on a matter of great importance. There. Now we are alone. Who are you?

THES. I am Thespis of the Thessalian Theatres.

JUP. The very man we want. Now as a judge of what the public likes are you impressed with my appearance as father of the G.o.ds?

THES. Well to be candid with you, I am not. In fact I'm disappointed.

JUP. Disappointed?

THES. Yes, you see you're so much out of repair. No, you don't come up to my idea of the part. Bless you, I've played you often.

JUP. You have.

THES. To be sure I have.

JUP. And how have you dressed the part.

THES. Fine commanding party in the prime of life. Thunderbolt-- full beard--dignified manner--a good eal of this sort of thin "Don't know ya. Don't know yah. Don't know yah.

JUP. [much affected] I--I'm very much obliged to you. It's very good of you. I--I--I used to be like that. I can't tell you how much I feel it. And do you find I'm an impressive character to play?

THES. Well no, I can't say you are. In fact we don't you you much out of burlesque.

JUP. Burlesque!

THES. Yes, it's a painful subject, drop it, drop it. The fact is, you are not the G.o.ds you were--you're behind your age.

JUP. Well, but what are we to do? We feel that we ought to do something, but we don't know what.

THES. Why don't you all go down to earth, incog, mingle with the world, hear and see what people think of you, and judge for yourselves as to the best means to take to restore your influence?

JUP. Ah, but what's to become of Olympus in the meantime?

THES. Lor' bless you, don't distress yourself about that. I've a very good company, used to take long parts on the shortest notice. Invest us with your powers and we'll fill your places till you return.

JUP. [aside] The offer is tempting. But suppose you fail?

THES. Fail. Oh, we never fail in our profession. We've nothing but great successes.

JUP. Then it's a bargain.

THES. It's a bargain. [they shake hands on it]

JUP. And that you may not be entirely without a.s.sistance, we will leave you Mercury and whenever you find yourself in a difficulty you can consult him. [enter Mercury]

JUP. So that's arranged--you take my place, my boy, While we make trial of a new existence.

At length I will be able to enjoy The pleasures I have envied from a distance.

MER. Compelled upon Olympus here to stop, While the other G.o.ds go down to play the hero.

Don't be surprised if on this mountain top You find your Mercury is down at zero.

AP. To earth away to join in mortal acts.

And gather fresh materials to write on.

Investigate more closely, several facts, That I for centuries have thrown some light on.

DIA. I, as the modest moon with crescent bow.

Have always shown a light to nightly scandal, I must say I'd like to go below, And find out if the game is worth the candle.

[enter all thespians, summoned by Mercury]

MER. Here come your people.

THES. People better now.

THES. While mighty Jove goes down below With all the other deities.

I fill his place and wear his "clo,"

The very part for me it is.

To mother earth to make a track, They are all spurred and booted, too.

And you will fill, till they come back, The parts you best are suited to.

CHO. Here's a pretty tale for future Iliads and Odysseys Mortals are about to personate the G.o.ds and G.o.ddesses.

Now to set the world in order, we will work in unity.

Jupiter's perplexity is Thespis's opportunity.

SPAR. Phoebus am I, with golden ray, The G.o.d of day, the G.o.d of day.

When shadowy night has held her sway, I make the G.o.ddesses fly.

Tis mine the task to wake the world, In slumber curled, in slumber curled.

By me her charms are all unfurled The G.o.d of day am I.

CHO. The G.o.d of day, the G.o.d of day, The park shall our Sparkeion play, Ha Ha, etc.

The rarest fun and rarest fare That ever fell to mortal share Ha ha etc.

NICE. I am the moon, the lamp of night.

I show a light -- I show a light.

With radiant sheen I put to flight The shadows of the sky.