The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 126

King: It's English, is it?

Fitz.: It's particularly English.

King: Then, of course, it's all right. Pray proceed, ladies, it's particularly English. Come, my daughter, for we have much to say to each other.

Zara: Farewell, Captain Fitzbattleaxe! I cannot thank you too em- phatically for the devoted care with which you have watched over me during our long and eventful voyage.

DUET -- Zara and Captain Fitzbattleaxe.

Zara: Ah! gallant soldier, brave and true In tented field and tourney, I grieve to have occasioned you So very long a journey.

A British warrior give up all-- His home and island beauty-- When summoned to the trumpet call Of Regimental Duty!

Cho: Tantantara-rara-rara!

Trumpet call of the Princess Zara!

ENSEMBLE

Men Fitz. and Zara (aside)

A British warrior gives up all, etc. Oh my joy, my pride, My delight to hide, Let us sing, aside, Ladies What in truth we feel, Let us whisper low Knightsbridge nursemaids, etc. Of our love's glad glow, Lest the truth we show We would fain conceal.

Fitz.: Such escort duty, as his due, To young Lifeguardsman falling Completely reconciles him to His uneventful calling.

When soldier seeks Utopian glades In charge of Youth and Beauty, Then pleasure merely masquerades As Regimental Duty!

All: Tantantarara-rara-rara!

Trumpet-call of Princess Zara!

ENSEMBLE

Men Fitz. and Zara (aside)

A British warrior gives up all, etc. Oh! my hours are gold, And the joys untold, When my eyes behold Ladies My beloved Princess; And the years will seem Knightsbridge nursemaids, etc. But a brief day-dream, In the job extreme Of our happiness!

(Exeunt King and Zara in one direction, Lifeguardsmen and crowd in opposite direction. Enter, at back, Scaphio and Phantis, who watch Zara as she goes off. Scaphio is seated, shaking violently, and obviously under the influence of some strong emotion.)

Phantis: There--tell me, Scaphio, is she not beautiful? Can you wonder that I love her so pa.s.sionately?

Scaphio: No. She is extraordinarily--miraculously lovely! Good heavens, what a singularly beautiful girl!

Phantis: I knew you would say so!

Scaphio: What exquisite charm of manner! What surprising delicacy of gesture! Why, she's a G.o.ddess! a very G.o.ddess!

Phantis: (rather taken aback) Yes--she's--she's an attractive girl.

Scaphio: Attractive? Why, you must be blind!--She's entrancing--enthralling--intoxicating! (Aside) G.o.d bless my heart, what's the matter with me?

Phantis: (alarmed) Yes. You--you promised to help me to get her father's consent, you know.

Scaphio: Promised! Yes, but the convulsion has come, my good boy!

It is she--my ideal! Why, what's this? (Staggering) Phantis! Stop me--I'm going mad--mad with the love of her!

Phantis: Scaphio, compose yourself, I beg. The girl is perfectly opaque! Besides, remember--each of us is helpless without the other. You can't succeed without my consent, you know.

Scaphio: And you dare to threaten? Oh, ungrateful! When you came to me, palsied with love for this girl, and implored my a.s.sis- tance, did I not unhesitatingly promise it? And this is the return you make? Out of my sight, ingrate! (Aside) Dear!

dear! what is the matter with me? (Enter Capt.

Fitzbattleaxe and Zara)

Zara: Dear me. I'm afraid we are interrupting a tete-a-tete.

Scaphio: (breathlessly) No, no. You come very appropriately. To be brief, we--we love you--this man and I--madly--pa.s.sionately!

Zara: Sir!

Scaphio: And we don't know how we are to settle which of us is to marry you.

Fitz.: Zara, this is very awkward.

Scaphio: (very much overcome) I--I am paralyzed by the singular radiance of your extraordinary loveliness. I know I am incoherent. I never was like this before--it shall not occur again. I--shall be fluent, presently.

Zara: (aside) Oh, dear, Captain Fitzbattleaxe, what is to be done?

Fitz.: (aside) Leave it to me--I'll manage it. (Aloud) It's a common situation. Why not settle it in the English fas.h.i.+on?

Both: The English fas.h.i.+on? What is that?

Fitz.: It's very simple. In England, when two gentlemen are in love with the same lady, and until it is settled which gentleman is to blow out the brains of the other, it is provided, by the Rival Admirers' Clauses Consolidation Act, that the lady shall be entrusted to an officer of Household Cavalry as stakeholder, who is bound to hand her over to the survivor (on the Tontine principle) in a good condition of substantial and decorative repair.

Scaphio: Reasonable wear and tear and damages by fire excepted?

Fitz.: Exactly.

Phantis: Well, that seems very reasonable. (To Scaphio) What do you say--Shall we entrust her to this officer of Household Cavalry? It will give us time.

Scaphio: (trembling violently) I--I am not at present in a condition to think it out coolly--but if he is an officer of Household Cavalry, and if the Princess consents---

Zara: Alas, dear sirs, I have no alternative--under the Rival Admirers' Clauses Consolidation Act!

Fitz.: Good--then that's settled.

QUARTET Fitzbattleaxe, Zara, Scaphio, and Phantis.

Fitz.: It's understood, I think, all round That, by the English custom bound I hold the lady safe and sound In trust for either rival, Until you clearly testify By sword and pistol, by and by, Which gentleman prefers to die, And which prefers survival.

ENSEMBLE

Sca. and Phan. Zara and Fitz