The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 128

Yes! Contrasted when With Englishmen, Are little better than half-clothed barbarians!

Enter all the Flowers of Progress, led by Fitzbattleaxe.

SOLOS -- Zara and the Flowers of Progress.

(Presenting Captain Fitzbattleaxe)

When Britain sounds the trump of war (And Europe trembles), The army of the conqueror In serried ranks a.s.semble; 'Tis then this warrior's eyes and sabre gleam For our protection-- He represents a military scheme In all its proud perfection!

Chorus: Yes--yes He represents a military scheme In all its proud perfection.

Ulahlica! Ulahlica! Ulahlica!

SOLO -- Zara.

(Presenting Sir Bailey Barre, Q.C., M.P.)

A complicated gentleman allow to present, Of all the arts and faculties the terse embodiment, He's a great arithmetician who can demonstrate with ease That two and two are three or five or anything you please; An eminent Logician who can make it clear to you That black is white--when looked at from the proper point of view; A marvelous Philologist who'll undertake to show That "yes" is but another and a neater form of "no."

Sir Bailey: Yes--yes--yes-- "Yes" is but another and a neater form of "no."

All preconceived ideas on any subject I can scout, And demonstrate beyond all possibility of doubt, That whether you're an honest man or whether you're a thief Depends on whose solicitor has given me my brief.

Chorus: Yes--yes--yes That whether your'e an honest man, etc.

Ulahlica! Ulahlica! Ulahlica!

Zara: (Presenting Lord Dramaleigh and County Councillor) What these may be, Utopians all, Perhaps you'll hardly guess-- They're types of England's physical And moral cleanliness.

This is a Lord High Chamberlain, Of purity the gauge-- He'll cleanse our court from moral stain And purify our Stage.

Lord D.: Yes--yes--yes Court reputations I revise, And presentations scrutinize, New plays I read with jealous eyes, And purify the Stage.

Chorus: Court reputations, etc.

Zara: This County Councillor acclaim, Great Britain's latest toy-- On anything you like to name His talents he'll employ--

All streets and squares he'll purify Within your city walls, And keep meanwhile a modest eye On wicked music halls.

C.C.: Yes--yes--yes In towns I make improvements great, Which go to swell the County Rate-- I dwelling-houses sanitate, And purify the Halls!

Chorus: In towns he makes improvements great, etc.

Ulahlica! Ulahlica! Ulahlica!

SOLO -- Zara:

(Presenting Mr. Goldbury)

A Company Promoter this with special education, Which teaches what Contango means and also Backwardation-- To speculators he supplies a grand financial leaven, Time was when two were company--but now it must be seven.

Mr. Gold.: Yes--yes--yes Stupendous loans to foreign thrones I've largely advocated; In ginger-pops and peppermint-drops I've freely speculated; Then mines of gold, of wealth untold, Successfully I've floated And sudden falls in apple-stalls Occasionally quoted.

And soon or late I always call For Stock Exchange quotation-- No schemes too great and none too small For Companification!

Chorus: Yes! Yes! Yes! No schemes too great, etc.

Ulahlica! Ulahlica! Ulahlica!

Zara: (Presenting Capt. Sir Edward Corcoran, R.N.)

And lastly I present Great Britain's proudest boast, Who from the blows Of foreign foes Protects her sea-girt coast-- And if you ask him in respectful tone, He'll show you how you may protect your own!

SOLO -- Captain Corcoran

I'm Captain Corcoran, K.C.B., I'll teach you how we rule the sea, And terrify the simple Gauls; And how the Saxon and the Celt Their Europe-shaking blows have dealt With Maxim gun and Nordenfelt (Or will when the occasion calls).

If sailor-like you'd play your cards, Unbend your sails and lower your yards, Unstep your masts--you'll never want 'em more.

Though we're no longer hearts of oak, Yet we can steer and we can stoke, And thanks to coal, and thanks to c.o.ke, We never run a s.h.i.+p ash.o.r.e!

All: What never?

Capt.: No, never!

All: What never?

Capt: Hardly ever!

All: Hardly ever run a s.h.i.+p ash.o.r.e!

Then give three cheers, and three cheers more, For the tar who never runs his s.h.i.+p ash.o.r.e; Then give three cheers, and three cheers more, For he never runs his s.h.i.+p ash.o.r.e!

CHORUS

All hail, ye types of England's power-- Ye heaven-enlightened band!

We bless the day and bless the hour That brought you to our land.

QUARTET

Ye wanderers from a mighty State, Oh, teach us how to legislate-- Your lightest word will carry weight, In our attentive ears.

Oh, teach the natives of this land (Who are not quick to understand) How to work off their social and Political arrears!

Capt. Fitz.: Increase your army!

Lord D.: Purify your court!

Capt. Corc: Get up your steam and cut your canvas short!

Sir B.: To speak on both sides teach your sluggish brains!

Mr. B.: Widen your thoroughfares, and flush your drains!

Mr. Gold.: Utopia's much too big for one small head-- I'll float it as a Company Limited!

King: A Company Limited? What may that be?

The term, I rather think, is new to me.

Chorus: A company limited? etc.

Sca, Phant, and Tara (Aside) What does he mean? What does he mean?

Give us a kind of clue!

What does he mean? What does he mean?