The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 147

BOTH Tell a tale of c.o.c.k and bull, Of convincing detail full Tale tremendous, Heav'n defend us!

What a tale of c.o.c.k and bull!

POINT What a tale of c.o.c.k,

WILFRED What a tale of bull!

POINT What a tale of c.o.c.k,

WILFRED What a tale of bull!

BOTH What a tale of c.o.c.k and bull, c.o.c.k and bull, c.o.c.k and bull, Heav'n defend us!

What a tale of c.o.c.k and bull!

[Exeunt together.

[Enter FAIRFAX

FAIRFAX Two days gone, and no news of poor Fairfax. The dolts!

They seek him everywhere save within a dozen yards of his dungeon. So I am free! Free, but for the cursed haste with which I hurried headlong into the bonds of matrimony with-- Heaven knows whom! As far as I remember, she should have been young; but even had not her face been concealed by her kerchief, I doubt whether, in my then plight, I should have taken much note of her. Free? Bah! The Tower bonds were but a thread of silk compared with these conjugal fetters which I, fool that I was, placed upon mine own hands.

From the one I broke readily enough-- how to break the other!

No. 16. Free from his fetters grim (BALLAD) Fairfax

FAIRFAX Free from his fetters grim-- Free to depart; Free both in life and limb-- In all but heart!

Bound to an unknown bride For good and ill; Ah, is not one so tied A pris'ner still, a pris'ner still?

Ah, is not one so tied A pris'ner still?

Free, yet in fetters held Till his last hour, Gyves that no smith can weld, No rust devour!

Although a monarch's hand Had set him free, Of all the captive band The saddest he, the saddest he!

Of all the captive band The saddest, saddest he!

[Enter SERGEANT MERYLL

FAIRFAX Well, Sergeant Meryll, and how fares thy pretty charge,Elsie Maynard?

MERYLL Well enough, sir. She is quite strong again, and leaves us to-night.

FAIRFAX Thanks to Dame Carruthers' kind nursing, eh?

MERYLL Aye, deuce take the old witch! Ah, 'twas but a sorry trick you played me, sir, to bring the fainting girl to me. It gave the old lady an excuse for taking up her quarters in my house, and for the last two years I've shunned her like the plague. Another day of it and she would have married me! [Enter DAME CARRUTHERS and KATE] Good Lord, here she is again! I'll e'en go.

[Going]

DAME Nay, Sergeant Meryll, don't go. I have something of grave import to say to thee.

MERYLL [aside] It's coming.

FAIRFAX [laughing] I'faith, I think I', not wanted here.

[Going]

DAME Nay, Master Leonard, I've naught to say to thy father that his son may not hear.

FAIRFAX [aside] True. I'm one of the family; I had forgotten!

DAME 'Tis about this Elsie Maynard. A pretty girl, Master Leonard.

FAIRFAX Aye, fair as a peach blossom-- what then?

DAME She hath a liking for thee, or I mistake not.

FAIRFAX With all my heart. She's as dainty a little amid as you'll find in a midsummer day's march.

DAME Then be warned in time, and give not thy heart to her.

Oh, I know what it is to give my heart to one who will have none of it!

MERYLL [aside] Aye, she knows all about that.

[Aloud] And why is my boy to take heed of her? She's a good girl, Dame Carruthers.

DAME Good enough, for aught I know. But she's no girl.

She's a married woman.

MERYLL A married woman! Tush, old lady-- she's promised to Jack Point, the Lieutenant's new jester.

DAME Tush in thy teeth, old man! As my niece Kate sat by her bedside to-day, this Elsie slept, and as she slept she moaned and groaned, and turned this way and that way-- and, "How shall I marry one I have never seen?"

quoth she-- then, "An hundred crowns!" quoth she-- then,"Is it certain he will die in an hour?" quoth she-- then, "I love him not, and yet I am his wife,"

quoth she! Is it not so, Kate?

KATE Aye, aunt, 'tis even so.

FAIRFAX Art thou sure of all this?

KATE Aye, sir, for I wrote it all down on my tablets.

DAME Now, mark my words: it was of this Fairfax she spake, and he is her husband, or I'll swallow my kirtle!

MERYLL [aside] Is it true, sir?

FAIRFAX [aside to MERYLL] True? Why, the girl was raving!

[Aloud] Why should she marry a man who had but an hour to live?

DAME Marry? There be those who would marry but for a minute, rather than die old maids.

MERYLL [aside] Aye, I know one of them!

No. 17. Strange adventure!

(QUARTET) Kate, Dame, Carruthers, Fairfax and Sergeant Meryll

ALL Strange adventure! Maiden wedded To a groom she's never seen-- Never, never, never seen!