Desire: A Novel Part 16

"Sam, go and get ready. I'll be out in a minute." I said, glaring at Devon. What the h.e.l.l was that?

As soon as Sam left, Devon collapsed in fits of laughter.

"What the h.e.l.l was that?" I screeched, hitting him with my pillow.

"That was me having no f.u.c.king idea was to say!" He shrugged helplessly, still laughing. I tried my best not to laugh too, but it was impossible. I collapsed next to him on the bed gasping between fits of giggles.

"We better get up before he comes back in with more awkward questions." I said, quickly getting dressed, "And trust me, he will be back."

I wasn't looking forward to leaving the room. If I knew Sam, everyone in the house knew by now what he'd walked in on. What a great role model I was for Neri.

Just as I'd thought, walking into the kitchen with Devon in tow I was met with raised eyebrows and knowing glances.

"I told you." Sam said triumphantly at his sister. Neri rolled her eyes, trying to hide her smile.

"I guess I should have believed you, Sam. I just never thought my responsible sister would do such a thing. I hope you two used protection." She added slyly.

My face went red as Neri and Ara both fought back laughter. Even Devon was amused.

I, on the other hand, was not. "Okay, enough. The next person to mention this gets grounded for a month." I sat down and grabbed two slices of toast, eyeing Neri as I b.u.t.tered them, daring her to say something.

She just smiled. A sneaky little know-it-all smile. Could I ground her for smiling?

"I have to get going, Kait." s.h.i.+t. I'd forgotten he was still there. I turned around and nodded. He stood in the doorway, his hands stuffed into his pockets, "Walk me out." I nodded, ignoring the sn.i.g.g.e.ring I couldn't be sure was coming from Ara or Neri.

At the door, out of the prying eyes of others, Devon leaned in to kiss me.

"I had fun, Kait." He murmured.

"Me too." I smiled as he kissed me again. "Well apart from this morning." I added, making a face.

"I'll call you." He kissed me one last time before closing the door.

Chapter Twenty-Five.

"So, you and Devon, hey?" Ara sipped her coffee as we walked across campus to cla.s.s. I blushed, nodding. I was excited to be able to talk to someone about it.

"It was so wonderful." I sighed, biting my lip, "The other times were great and all, but this time I felt like I had him on an emotional level too. Not just s.e.x, you know?" Ara nodded, her eyes dancing. I loved that she was so happy for me.

"I could see that in the way he was looking at you this morning." She giggled, "He has it bad for you, Kait." I giggled, her excitement was infectious.

In the back of my mind I was worried that he'd slip back into his old self again. What if he pushed me away again? After last night, I couldn't keep doing that to myself.

"Kait." Ara squeezed my hand, "Don't worry so much. Enjoy it." I nodded, managing a smile.

We neared the lecture hall, and that familiar knot began to form in my stomach.

"What now? With you know." She nudged her head into the hall.

Charlie. I didn't know.

Technically, Devon and I were not anything more than what we'd been a week ago, but why did I suddenly feel so guilty?

"I don't know."

Cla.s.s was the usual kind of awkward when you're sleeping with the professor. I spent most of the time figuring out how much more I needed for Neri's camp. The answer was much more than I currently had. The reality was, if I didn't keep working, she wouldn't be able to go.

There, decision made. I had no reason to tell Devon, or feel bad about it. How did I even know that what we had would go anywhere? I wasn't about to throw Neri's future away on a fling.

I left for home alone, leaving Ara at college for her next cla.s.s. I figured I could grab an hour or so sleep before picking up the kids. Unfortunately, my brain didn't agree. I tossed and turned, eventually giving up. Yawning, I grabbed a towel and headed for the bathroom. The hot water felt amazing against my skin. I lifted my head back under the nozzle, letting the water soak my hair. My relaxing shower was interrupted by the doorbell.

"s.h.i.+t." I grabbed the towel, quickly drying myself off, before pulling my clothes over my half damp skin, "Coming!" I yelled, sprinting for the door.

"Hey." Devon leaned on the doorframe, arms crossed, and his suit framing his wonderfully gorgeous body. I smiled, unable to hide the fact that I was happy to see him. It had been what, less than five hours, yet it felt like weeks. He reached out and grabbed a strand of my soaking wet hair. He grinned at me, amused.

"I was in the shower." I explained, blus.h.i.+ng as his eyebrows raised.

"So, can I come in?" He sounded different. I couldn't put my finger on why, exactly. He had a tone for playing and a tone for *detective' matters. I was slowly learning to distinguish between the two. I stepped aside, letting him in.

"What's up?"

"Can we sit down?" Uh oh. This wasn't good.

Whenever someone, particularly a cop, told you to sit down, bad news was imminent. I walked over to the sofa, sitting myself on the edge of the arm. I looked up at him expectantly.

"I have some news about your mother." He began. He sat down next to me, avoiding my eyes.

"What is it, Devon?" I pressed. I knew this was bad. I just wished he'd tell me already.

"A motel in Colorado came to our attention. A room was trashed, and blood was found in the bathroom and on the bed," He paused, as if trying to compose himself, "The blood matched your mother's."

"Oh." I looked down at my hands, my fingers running over the now barely visible burn marks on my wrists.

"Kait, the case has been moved to the homicide division."

"Homicide. As in murder. You think she has been murdered?" It was a question I really didn't need a reply to.

Obviously they did, or it wouldn't have been transferred.

"Not necessarily, Kait. We do think there might be foul play involved, but that doesn't mean we don't think she is alive." I nodded. I wasn't sure how I felt. The news that my mother may possibly be dead should have left me feeling something.

Instead, I felt dead inside.

How was I going to tell Neri and Sam this? I felt for those poor kids.

"If there is anything I can do..." I shook my head. He reached over and took my hand. His touch sent s.h.i.+vers through my body, "Kait. I'm sorry." I didn't answer. Feelings overcame me as I tried to process this information.

I should be feeling sad. Upset. Angry. What did it say about me that the first emotion I felt was joy? Joy that this case would no longer be Devon's?

My behavior disgusted me.

No matter what, she was still my mother, and she didn't deserve this. Pulling my hand away, I stood up, walking over to the window. Glancing out onto the street, I watched the trees sway gently in the wind. I focused on a small cat playing with a stack of leaves. I smiled as it pounced, then tried to chase the scattering leaves. I'd always wanted a cat growing up, but John had been allergic, so it never happened.

"Kait..." I felt his hand on the curve of my back. I closed my eyes, and imagined him kissing me, touching me.

When he turned me to face him, I didn't fight him. His finger trailed past my temple, and down my neck.

"You're such a beautiful girl. I'm sorry you're having to go through all of this." I could see the need in his eyes. He wanted me, almost as much as I wanted him.

"You had better go." My voice was thick, laced with emotion. He looked surprised. Then he nodded, realizing I needed my s.p.a.ce.

"I better." He agreed. His hand lingered in mine for a moment longer, "Will you call me if you need me? Please?" I nodded.

I pushed open the door to Sam's bedroom slightly. His light was off, but in the stillness of the night I could hear his soft sobs. I flicked on the nightlight which sent patterns of cars driving around walls.

"Sambo? You okay?" I sat down on the edge of the bed, and touched his face. Wiping away the tears, I kissed his cheek, "What's wrong? Come here." He scrambled into my open arms for a hug.

"I miss mommy." His little voice wobbled in a way that broke my heart. I hugged him closer. Tears sprung in my eyes as I struggled to realize he might never see his mom again.

"I'm sorry Sam, I know you miss her. We all do." I added.

For his benefit, not my own.

"Why did she leave? Was I naughty?" He sobbed. I clutched him closer, knowing with all my heart that if mom had abandoned them, I'd kill her for breaking these kids. "If she comes back I promise I'll be good."

"No, Sam. You're the best little boy in the world. Mommy didn't want to go, but she had to for a while. It made her so upset to leave you because she loves you so, so much."

I reached into my pocket for a tissue. The photo of mom and the mystery man came out too. I quickly shoved it back in my pocket, but not before Sam caught a glimpse.

"Michael." He said, pointing to my pocket. I drew in a breath. Sam knew him?

Chapter Twenty-Six.

Devon kneeled down next to Sam's bed, "Hi Sam. Remember me?" Sam nodded, rolling his eyes.

"You're always here." I let out a laugh as Devon actually blushed.

I'd called him the moment I'd realized Sam knew this Michael guy, and he'd come right over.

Devon handed the picture to Sam, ignoring my obvious amus.e.m.e.nt, "You recognize this man, Sam?" he asked, pointing to the picture. Sam nodded again, his green eyes wide.

"He came over sometimes when Neri and I were sleeping. One time I got up to get a drink and I heard him and Mommy. Mommy kept calling him Michael." Devon glanced at me. I shrugged. This was all news to me.

"Hey Sam, when did you last see Michael?" I asked. Sam looked at me, his face grew creased as he concentrated, as if trying to remember.

"The night before mommy left." Sam said slowly, "Neri wasn't there. She was at her friend's. Sometimes I'd wake up scared, and couldn't go back to sleep. I heard mommy arguing with him. She took me to kinder the next morning."

"Sam, this is really, really important. Did you see Michael leave during the night?" Devon's voice was full of urgency. Sam shook his head.

"I fell back asleep though. I don't know. I don't go in mommy's room. I-I get in trouble." His bottom lip quivered as another wave of tears threatened to pour out.

"It's okay, Sam. You're a good boy. So brave." I reached down and hugged him, giving Devon a look over his shoulder that made it clear question time was over. I nudged my head toward the door. He nodded.

"I'll wait in the kitchen." He whispered.

I stayed with Sam until he finally fell back asleep. Backing out of the room, I switched off the light and closed the door.

"Poor kid." Devon commented as I walked into the kitchen, "Is he okay?"

I nodded, filling the coffee jug, "He's asleep. What does all this mean?" Devon shrugged. I slammed two cups down on the counter, frustrated he didn't have the answers.

"Hey." Devon moved around the counter until he was standing right behind me, "It will be okay. We will find this guy, and if he has any connection with your mother, we will find that too." I turned around, and leaned against the sink, letting his hands grasp my waist.

"I just feel so sad for the kids, Devon. I hate they are going through this." I raised my head, my eyes level with his own.

G.o.d, his eyes were so deep, so full of emotion. It pained him to look at me, I could see that. He wanted to kiss me, the way his lips twitched when he looked at mine told me that. I pushed myself off the sink, bringing my body flush against his. I could feel him harden at my touch.

He raised his eyebrow ever so slightly, a look of need flas.h.i.+ng in his eyes. I jumped, as he moved his arm behind my waist and pushed himself against me. I quickly realized he was hard.

"See what you do to me, Kait?" He mumbled in my ear.

He kissed my neck, my cheek, and finally my lips. My hand ran over the back of his neck as I kissed him back with just as much force, just as much need.

"G.o.d Kait, you drive me mental. I can't think around you." He breathed.

"Then don't think." I kissed him again, this time running my palm over his hardness. He gasped, his expression pained. I molded my lips over his before he could tell me no. As I felt his defenses float away, I finally pulled back.

"Don't think, Devon. If you want me as much as you say you do, then prove it."

He shook his head, letting out a bitter laugh. He grabbed his keys and turned to face me.

"I do want you. I think I've made that blatantly obvious. I'm not going to stay here and f.u.c.k you six ways to Sunday a though G.o.d knows I want to a and have you hate me for not being able to give you more."