The Color Of Her Panties Part 13

"It's a madcap," the merwoman said.

"Stop insulting me!" Ida screamed.

"Please take off that cap."

"I will not!"

But Okra, behind her, reached out and lifted the cap from her head.

Ida was immediately appalled. "What was I saying?"

"It wasn't you," Mela explained. "You happened to pick a madcap. See, here it is in my manual. The moment you put it on, it made you mad."

"Oh." Ida felt herself blus.h.i.+ng. "I would never act like that. I mean-"

"I knew something was wrong, and since the cap was the last thing that changed, I checked it. It wasn't your fault."

"Oh, throw that awful thing away!"

But Okra considered. "It might be useful sometime.

She folded it and tucked it into a pocket. That startled Ida, because she hadn't known the ogress had any pockets, since she wasn't wearing anything.

They put the boat back in the invisible river and climbed in. Okra, rested, rowed it more swiftly upstream. Ida could only marvel at the girl's strength. But of course that was the ogre's talent. Ogres were strong, ugly, and stupid, and it seemed Okra had one of those traits.

They came to another lake. This one was smaller than the last, with a smooth surface on which little footprints showed. "I'd better check this," Mela said, getting out her manual. In a moment she had it: "This must be Lake Wails. We had better portage around it."

"Why?" Ida asked.

Then a huge creature appeared, running along the surface of the water, wailing. "Because we don't want to run afoul of the wails," Mela said.

"I understand they get very upset if their prints are erased."

"The prints of wails?"

"That's right. They are unhappy enough as it is."

Ida had to agree. So they got out of the boat and walked around the lake. At one point they encountered a multiheaded serpent. "h.e.l.lo, serpent," Ida greeted it. But the thing only hissed several times at her simultaneously.

She realized that Mela had been right: she couldn't talk to monsters.

However, she doubted that the serpent had anything to say that she really wanted to hear.

They found the river on the far side of the lake, and resumed their travel.

Then the tip of the Iron Mountain came into sight. It was solid metal, poking high into the sky. The closer they came, the larger it loomed, until it towered above them. The river did flow from it, but not gently; it issued from a coiled spring in the side and plummeted through a waterfall.

They parked the boat and started up the mountain. the way was steep, but there were iron steps and on it-a guardrail, so it was all right.

It seemed that they were not the first to come here.

But when they were halfway up, walking along an -on ramp with a sheer cliff above and below, a dragon appeared in the sky. Ida looked, and her worst fear was realized. "That's Dragoman, the dragon who crystallized me!

"Well, we can't let him take you again," Mela said.

"But we're helpless here! He can pick us all off, and probably will."

Her fear was growing into a deadly certainty.

"No, he won't," Okra said.

"He won't?"

"He won't?" Mela echoed.

"Trust me."

So Ida trusted her, since she had been asked to. Her deadly certainty faded back into weak-kneed uncertainty.

There must be something Okra could do to dissuade the dragon from its fell purpose. Otherwise she would not be so confident.

The dragon gave a harsh cry and swooped down at them, its dread talons extended. Ida did not understand what he was saying, but she could guess. He was angry that she had gotten away from his showcase.

Okra fished out the madcap and put it on. She scowled.

Then as the dragon made a grab for Ida, Okra made a ham fist and swung it furiously. It bashed the dragon on one leg and sent it spinning out of control.

"Oh, lovely!" Mela breathed. "If there's one thing that can stand off a dragon, it's a mad ogre."

So it seemed. But the dragon had not yet caught on that one of the three maidens was an ogress. He righted himself and came diving in again.

This time Okra didn't bash his foot, she made a swipe with her ham hand and caught it in an ogre grip. She hauled the dragon in. Then she bashed him in the snoot with her other ham fist. "Don't fool with us, bezoarbreath!" she roared, and hurled him away.

Now at last he caught on. He pulled out of his tailspin and circled, out of sorts.

Then he reoriented and came in again. He might be up against an ogress, but after all, he was a dragon, and she was a rather puny example of her kind. He looked as if he had something new in mind. He opened his mouth.

"He's going to crystallize us!" Ida screamed. "Don't let that vapor touch us!" Of course it seemed doubtful that they could stop the dragon from breathing on them, but Okra had said to trust her, so Ida did.

The dragon loomed close. A jet of vapor came out.

Okra opened her own mouth and breathed back at the dragon. There was an awful stink.

The dragon's breath and the ogre breath collided. They formed into the ugliest crystalline cloud imaginable. Then the crystal melted and dropped like the foul stone it was. The ogre breath had nullified it.

The dragon took a look at this, shrugged, and flew away.

His worst weapon had been thwarted, so he was doing the sensible thing and retreating.

Okra turned toward the two of them. Her face was swollen and horrible.

She inhaled.

"Take off the cap!" Mela and Ida screamed together.

Snarling, Okra swept off the cap. Then she looked appalled. Ida knew exactly how she felt. "You did wonderfully!" she said. "You got rid of the dragon and saved us all from a fate worse than-well, I don't know what it's worse than, but I'm glad you saved us."

"I guess I did," Okra said. "I've never been ogre-mad before, but it seemed to be a good time for it."

"It certainly was," Mela agreed warmly.

Then they resumed their trek up the mountain. Ida thought about what had just happened. It seemed to her that Okra had a reasonable chance to achieve her dream of becoming a major character. She had certainly acted like one.

Chapter 6.

Jenny was still shaken by the revelation of the content of the secret of the Adult Conspiracy. But there was no time to ponder that, because the way was open and she had a Question to ask the Good Magician.

Sammy Cat was already bounding into the main part of the castle.

Actually, she had been here once before, but that was almost like a dream, and the castle had looked different.

So it was just as unfamiliar now to her as it was to her friends.

A young woman appeared. She had long fair hair with a tinge of green.

"Princess Ivy!" Jenny exclaimed. She had met Ivy at the wedding of Prince Dolph and Electra.

Ivy hugged them all, then ushered them into the main chamber where Magician Grey sat. "You're just in time for lunch," Ivy said brightly.

Jenny started to protest, but realized that she was hungry, and the others surely were too. Sammy had already found the dish of milk that must have been set out for him.

So they joined Grey at the table. He was nondescript, and not at all like Jenny's impression of someone from Mundania. But of course she had never been to Mundania, so couldn't judge the dull folk there.

"Didn't I see you here before?" Grey asked Jenny.

"Yes. When I came to ask the Good Magician how to return to the World of Two Moons." Jenny laughed. "It happened to be Portrait day, and all five and a half of the Good Magician's wives were here for the occasion.

They were all beautiful; I think each one was prettier than the others.

But then I changed my mind, and decided to stay in Xanth for a while longer."

"You have friends here," Ivy said.

"Yes." That counted for a great deal.

A maid brought in a huge shoefly pie, and served them each a slice.

Jenny was glad to discover that the shoes were really pastry in the form of footwear, and their little wings were leaves of lettuce.

"We expected three challenges," Gwenny remarked.

"We were surprised."

"One might even say dismayed," Che added.

"Here in Xanth, so much is made of the Adult Conspiracy," Jenny said.

All three of them waited expectantly.

"We were surprised too," Ivy said. "But the Good Magician Humfrey always knows what he's doing. He said you had to be inducted into the Conspiracy, or he wouldn't be able to help you."

"But we have such a simple Question!" Jenny protested. "I'll ask it, but it's for Gwenny. It has nothing to do with-"

"When he answers it, you won't be able to benefit unless you belong to the Conspiracy," Grey said. "I thought it was strange, though things are more confused in Mundania and I'm not sure I agree with the Conspiracy any more than you do. But it seems that Gwenny must belong, and since you three are working together, you all must know. Humfrey said he wouldn't have done it if the matter weren't so important.

There's no telling what having this early knowledge may do to you. But the alternative is to deny you, Gwendolyn, your chance to be chief of Goblin Mountain, and that was unacceptable."

"I suppose it would be hard to be chief without knowing such things," Gwenny said distastefully as the maid brought dessert, eye scream sandwiches.

Jenny changed the subject. "Which wife does Magician Humfrey have now?"

Ivy laughed. "She's right here! Didn't you realize?"

Jenny accepted her sandwich from the maid. She peered at it, and its big green eye peered back at her. She wondered whether it would scream as she ate it. "No, I didn't see her."

Sammy was rubbing against the maid's leg.

"The maid!" Che exclaimed, catching on.

The features of the maid changed. Her drab dress became bright, and her body turned buxom. Now Jenny recognized her as one of the beautiful Portrait brides. She could of course a.s.sume any likeness, so was as lovely as she chose to be. Jenny realized that this was probably an a.s.set in a marriage. "Dana Demoness! I didn't know you in costume!"

"You didn't recognize me as the Adult, either," the creature murmured.

"Ooooo, so I didn't!"

Gwenny squinted at the demoness. "How can Humfrey trust you, if you don't have a soul?"

"Demons can be trusted to do what suits them. My husband knows that when I had a soul, I loved him, and I made him ludicrously happy, and gave him a son. When I lost my soul I left him, and then I was horribly bored.

Now for a month things are interesting again. If I act soullessly, I will instantly lose my place to the next wife on the roster. So I act just as if I have a soul, for the sake of the game."

"You had a son?" Che asked.