The Color Of Her Panties Part 24

"That is true," Rose agreed.

For Ida she brought a princessly blue dress and slippers.

"Oh, I couldn't wear that!" Ida protested. "It's far too fancy."

"Oh, it's all right," Rose said rea.s.suringly. "This is one of Princess Ivy's dresses. You are just about her size.

She's visiting Castle Roogna now, a place dear to my heart, but I'm quite sure she will be glad to have you borrow it."

"A princess!" Ida exclaimed, dismayed. "No, she wouldn't want a lowly person like me to touch her things!"

"Trust me," Rose said, with a subtle smile. "She is a sharing person."

Then she dressed Mela. "Sofia was right: you cannot go around showing mantraps like those," Rose said, glancing down at the plaid panty. "Any male who saw you would freak out."

"They did," Ida said, giggling.

Soon Mela was wearing a nice plaid skirt which completely covered her panty, so that if a naughty gust of wind should happen to blow it up, no one would realize that the matching panty had been exposed. That should save a number of males from risk. Above, she wore a heavy-duty halter which must have been left by a sea horse, and a blue green s.h.i.+rt with wave patterns on it. Okra would hardly have recognized her, if she hadn't been present for the change. Mela looked just exactly almost like a full human woman, with the accent on the full.

Then Rose showed them to a mirror wall, and Okra almost didn't recognize herself. "But I too look almost human!" she said. She had never thought that what was possible for a merwoman was feasible for an ogress. It was disgruntling, and an ogre without grunts would be in a sad state.

Rose considered. "You're right. We must do something about those gauntlets." In a moment she brought a pair of elbow-length black gloves.

"Put these on instead."

"But I like the gauntlets!" Okra protested. "They are ogre style."

"Then perhaps you can wear them over the gauntlets," Rose suggested.

They tried that, and it worked. The outline of the gauntlets softened, and now Okra's hands and arms looked nearly completely human. It was embarra.s.sing.

"Now you must be hungry, " Rose said. "Sofia is better at meals than I am, so I will switch back with her."

"You can switch back and forth, just like that?" Okra asked.

"Oh, certainly. As long as there is only one of us here in Xanth at a time."

"But don't you get into any differences about whose turn it is?" Ida asked.

"Oh, no. We have known each other for a long time, and we are all friends. We have much in common."

"In common?" Mela asked.

"Humfrey."

Oh. Okra realized that it probably would be awkward for more than one wife to be here at a time.

Then a strange animal appeared in the doorway.

"Eeeek, a monster! " Ida shrieked.

Rose laughed. "No, that's only Canis Major. He's from the Dog Star. He's very Sirius."

"He certainly looks serious," Mela agreed.

"He's a dog of the species trans.m.u.to," Rose explained.

"Each day he is a different breed. He was invisible when our last visitors were here, so they never noticed him.

Today he is nondescript; tomorrow, who knows? Let him sniff you, so he will know you."

Canis approached. He sniffed each of them in turn. Then he wagged his tail. They discovered that it was fun petting him. None of them had seen such a creature before.

"Now you must be hungry," Sofia said from the doorway.

They jumped. For a moment it seemed that Rose had changed into another species, but Okra realized that she had merely exchanged again with the other wife. This must be a strange household!

She brought them to the dining room and served them homemade shepherd's bread from a large old black iron kettle with a lid on, in the big stone oven. She sliced up the bread and made toasted cheese open-faced sandwiches served with pumpkin-seed sauce, fresh razzleberries and cream in gla.s.s bowls, fresh figs from the figment tree, and watermelon sh.e.l.ls frill of fresh water.

Okra lifted her sandwich to her mouth, and paused. Its open face was frowning.

"Just bite into it," Sofia said.

"But I'm afraid it will bite me back."

"No, I'm mundane. My food is mostly unmagical. My open-faced sandwiches aren't really alive."

Okra poked the face with a finger, and it didn't react.

She realized that it was merely a molded face, not a real one. So she bit into it, and it tasted magically good.

For dessert they had cheesecake scented with key lime juice and topped by crystals of citrus rinds. There was also what Sofia called chocolate bliss: fresh chocolate cake served with a dish of white chocolate and raspberry sauce swirled together. The cake was topped with candied violets which whipped the cream.

Finally Mela protested. "You folk are being very nice to us. But we came here to ask the Good Magician our Questions. We don't deserve all this attention. In fact, we expect to have to serve our years for our Answers."

"That's no reason not to treat you courteously," Sofia said. "I spent a good many years with Humfrey, and we always treated querents well. After all, if they have the gumption to come through the challenges, they deserve some respect."

That did seem to make sense. "But we had better go ask the Good Magician and get it over with," Ida said.

"I'm afraid you will have to wait until tomorrow morning," Sofia said. "The Magician is indisposed today."

"You mean he's grumpy?" Okra asked. Immediately she regretted it, because she could tell by the reactions of the others that she had pulled another ogreish social blunder.

But Sofia only smiled. "That is his nature," she agreed.

"Every decade he gets a little worse. But of course he has a lot on his mind. However, I'm sure he will see you in the morning."

Their room for the night was piled with pillows. Okra sniffed the air with her sensitive ogre nose. "Someone has been here," she said.

"Well, of course," Sofia said. "This is our guest chamber. I wasn't here, but I understand that the last group of querents visited during Dana's watch. A goblin, an odd elf, and a winged centaur foal. They have been the objects of some interest among those of us who now reside down in h.e.l.l, as have you three."

"Us?" Ida asked, startled.

"Of course. All of us were curious about the color of..."

"My panties!" Mela said, seeming not entirely pleased.

"And about the ident.i.ty of Ida, who it seems was lost by the stork near Nymph Valley. And Okra, who it seems was displaced by Jenny Elf."

"Displaced?" Okra asked, as startled as Ida had been.

"Oh, didn't you know? There was to be a Jenny character, and the choice was between an elf girl and an ogre girl, and the elf was chosen. So she is Jenny Elf, and you are a minor character."

"I was supposed to be a major character?" Okra asked, a strange emotion coursing through her.

"Well, only if you were chosen. But you weren't, so it doesn't matter. Well, good night." Sofia departed.

Mela and Ida rearranged the pillows, doffed their new clothing, and soon settled down. But Okra remained in a mora.s.s of emotions. She had had a chance to be a major character-and someone else had homed in! That elf had gotten it. She could smell the traces of Jenny Elf, who had been here. She smelled like no ordinary elf, because there was no particular elf scent a.s.sociated with her. That was odd. But it made her easy to identify. Okra would not forget that scent.

Slowly a thought percolated through her ogre brain. Her Question for the Good Magician had already been half answered. Jenny Elf had gotten the status that might have been Okra's. But if something happened to that elf, then there would be only one person to have that status: Okra herself.

How could she get rid of Jenny Elf? That was now her Question.

In the morning they got up, dressed, and joined Sofia for a breakfast of pease porridge. Some of the peas were hot and some were cold and some looked as if they had been in the pot for some time. "This is just right for eating, now," Sofia said, confirming Okra's impression.

"It is exactly nine days old."

Mela picked out some hot peas, and Ida selected cold ones. But Okra liked those that were nine days old.

At last it was time to see the Good Magician Humfrey.

Sofia ushered them into the smallest, dingiest, most crowded chamber of the castle. There, almost lost amidst the piled tomes, was an old gnarled gnome of a man. This was Himself.

He looked up. "What do you want?" he demanded grumpily.

They hesitated. Then Mela spoke. "We-we have Questions, sir."

"Don't call me sir!" he snapped.

"No, your majesty."

"Don't call me that either. In fact don't call me anything. It only wastes time."

"Uh, yes," Mela agreed, out of sorts.

"Well, get on with it," he grumped.

Mela took a breath, which was impressive even in her clothing. "How can I find a suitable husband?" she asked.

He squinted at her appraisingly. "By that you mean a nice, handsome, manly, and intelligent prince who is partial to sea creatures, of course."

"Of course," she echoed.

He looked at Ida. "And you?"

Ida was startled by the abruptness of his attention. "I seek my destiny. I-"

"Yes, yes, everybody does," he said. His gaze oriented on Okra. "You, ogress?"

"How can I get rid of Jenny Elf?" Okra asked boldly.

Mela and Ida were appalled. "You can't do that," Mela said. "She's a major character."

"If there's a way, he should know it," Okra said.

"There is a way," Humfrey agreed. "There's always a way. There are Answers for all three of you. But I have decided not to give them, on the grounds that it would be counterproductive. Now go away and let me get my work done."

"But-" the three said together.

"The Good Magician has Spoken," Sofia said gently.

"There's no arguing with him when he's like that. You will have to go."

"Now wait a minute," Mela said indignantly. "We had to go through the challenges, and we got thoroughly gunked up in your smelly freshwater moat. At least tell us a better why."

The Magician ignored her. "Please, don't aggravate him," Sofia urged.

"He's difficult enough already."

"At least a hint," Ida said. "I'm sure he could spare that much."

"Yes," Okra agreed.

The Magician looked up, but did not speak.

"Yes, a hint," Mela said. "Or else.

Humfrey scowled. "Or else what?"

"Or else I'll show you my panty," Mela said. She turned around and put one hand on her skirt. "And freak you out."

"Oh!" Sofia exclaimed, appalled.

The Good Magician seemed almost to smile. "Then go see Nada Naga." He returned to his musty tome.

Sofia bustled them out. "What a disaster," she muttered.

"Well, at least we did get a hint," Ida said.