You'll Get Through This Part 10

c. I can stay focused on G.o.d in rest by . . .

CHAPTER 7.

More Bounce Back Than Bozo 1. A ballast is a counterweight-a force that offsets an opposing force in order to maintain balance. Joseph's ballast was his "deep-seated, stabilizing belief in G.o.d's sovereignty" (p. 72). For thirteen years it helped him bounce back from every setback-betrayal, slavery, false accusations, imprisonment, abandonment. Joseph's audience with Pharaoh marked the beginning of his redemption, but there was still an opposing force at work. Only this time it wasn't a setback. It was a setup.

a. Read Genesis 41:144, which tells the story of Pharaoh's dreams and his first encounter with Joseph. Pay particular attention to what Pharaoh said about Joseph (v. 15) and how Joseph responded (vv. 16, 25, 28, 32).

b. A setup is a subtle invitation to self-deception, which in turn makes us vulnerable to a setback. How would you describe the potential setup in Pharaoh's words to Joseph (v. 15)? What kind of setbacks might Joseph have been vulnerable to later if he had accepted this subtle invitation?

c. We see Joseph's ballast at work as he repeatedly affirmed G.o.d's sovereignty, not only in everything that had already happened (vv. 25, 28, 32), but also in describing what must happen next (vv. 16, 32). For Joseph, G.o.d's sovereignty covered both the past and the future.

In this situation it would have been the most natural thing in the world for Joseph-who was just hours out of prison-to secure his future by putting the spotlight on himself. What does his refusal to do so reveal about his relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d? His trust in G.o.d's sovereignty?

d. Compare Pharaoh's statements in Genesis 41:15 and 41:39. How did Joseph's ballast impact Pharaoh's perspective? Consider what changed as well as what did not change.

2. The experience of moving from suffering to redemption is full of rich gifts and graces. Finally the long wait is over. There is relief, new life, new hope. But as Joseph's story shows, this transition also includes unique challenges.

a. As you antic.i.p.ate or enter your own season of redemption, what setups-subtle invitations to self-deception-might you expect to encounter? Consider especially ways in which your focus might subtly s.h.i.+ft from reliance on G.o.d to reliance on yourself.

b. What setbacks would you be vulnerable to if you accept these invitations? Consider especially the ways in which you might be tempted to secure your future on your own.

c. Joseph's ballast influenced Pharaoh's perspective. What significant relations.h.i.+ps do you have that might be affected by how you handle your belief in G.o.d's sovereignty? How do you hope to influence their perspectives-about G.o.d and maybe even about you?

3. Bouncing back from a setback doesn't necessarily mean returning to life as it was. Joseph's redemption did not take him back to his old life in his father's house, and Lieutenant Sam Brown could never go back to the life he had before his horrific experience in Afghanistan. For both men, bouncing back required two things: willingness to let go of what had been and openness to receive the new thing G.o.d offered. This is the promise of Scripture for everyone who perseveres: G.o.d will bless you, if you don't give up when your faith is being tested. He will reward you with a glorious life, just as he rewards everyone who loves him. (James 1:12 CEV) a. When you think of your hopes for redemption-what you want to be true when your season of waiting ends-to what degree are your hopes invested in going back to life as it was?

b. What thoughts or emotions arise when you consider that you may not go back to life as it was?

c. The reward for persevering-for loving G.o.d enough to make him your ballast-is a "glorious life." Another Bible version renders this promise: "For such persons loyally in love with G.o.d, the reward is life and more life" (MSG). It is a promise for eternal life, but it is also a promise for this life (Ps. 27:1314).

In what areas do you sense G.o.d inviting you not merely to trust him more but to love him more?

What might you have to release in order to receive the new life G.o.d promises?

CHAPTER 8.

Is G.o.d Good When Life Isn't?

1. Christyn Taylor described how her one-way deal with G.o.d was shattered when she delivered a stillborn baby: "Fear set in, and my faith began to crumble. My 'safety zone' with G.o.d was no longer safe . . . anxiety began to overwhelm me" (p. 81).

a. At some point in our journey, most of us have tried to offer G.o.d a contract. I pledge to if you, G.o.d, will . What contractual agreements have you tried to make with G.o.d in the past? In your current circ.u.mstances?

b. Christyn experienced a crisis of faith when G.o.d didn't meet her terms. How did the outcome of a past deal with G.o.d affect you? How did it affect your belief in G.o.d's goodness?

c. In your current circ.u.mstances what questions do you find yourself asking about G.o.d? For example, If G.o.d could fix this, why doesn't he? How could a good G.o.d allow this? How could G.o.d bring good out of such evil?

2. "G.o.d promises to render beauty out of 'all things,' not 'each thing.' The isolated events may be evil, but the ultimate culmination is good" (p. 83).

a. How do you respond to this distinction between "all things" and "each thing"? What light might it shed on your current circ.u.mstances or on the questions you asked in question 1c?

b. "We must let G.o.d define good" (p. 83). How do you imagine your life would be different if defining good were left to you? What potential advantages and disadvantages would you antic.i.p.ate for the challenges you are facing?

3. The apostle Paul, who endured significant hards.h.i.+ps and persecution, expected suffering to be part of a relations.h.i.+p with Christ: Everything G.o.d gives to his Son, Christ, is ours, too. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. (Rom. 8:17 NLT) For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him. (Phil. 1:29 NLT) Paul also emphasized the importance of having an eternal perspective: Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will give us later. (Rom. 8:18 NLT) Our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! (2 Cor. 4:17 NLT) a. In human relations.h.i.+ps we expect to share both the highs and the lows of life with those we love. How do your closest human relations.h.i.+ps help you understand what it might mean for you to share in Christ's suffering as well as his glory?

b. We sometimes gain perspective on a problem by asking, How much will this matter a week from now? A month from now? A year from now? Paul suggested that even a lifetime is too short to gain true perspective on our hards.h.i.+ps; we need to view them from eternity.

Consider your current circ.u.mstances through all these time windows: a week from now, a month from now, a year from now, eternity. Think about the impact your difficulties have on such things as your daily life, your relations.h.i.+ps, and your sense of well-being. In what ways, if any, does your perspective change over time?

4. After she lost her baby, Christyn Taylor wrestled with questions about why G.o.d had allowed it to happen. She wrote, "The only conclusion I came to was this: I have to give up my line in the sand. I have to offer my entire life, ever minute portion of it, to G.o.d's control regardless of the outcome" (p. 85).

a. What comes to mind when you think of your lines in the sand-the things you are withholding from G.o.d's control?

b. Surrendering control is always risky and often frightening, but is there anything about it that intrigues you or inspires hope in you? If you released everything to G.o.d, what might you experience that you couldn't experience any other way?

CHAPTER 9.

A Splash of Grat.i.tude With That Att.i.tude, Please 1. To incarnate is to take something that exists only as an idea or a theory and give it concrete form. In naming his sons, Joseph engaged in an incarnational act. He literally put a face-two faces!-on his grat.i.tude.

a. Recall a time you were overwhelmed with grat.i.tude-to another human being or to G.o.d. How did you give concrete form to your grat.i.tude? Consider your demeanor, your words, and your actions.

b. Why was it important to you to express your grat.i.tude in these ways? What might have been missed-by you and others-if you hadn't expressed your grat.i.tude as you did?

c. How does this particular experience of grat.i.tude help you understand Joseph's act of grat.i.tude in naming his two sons?

2. Naming in any form is a powerful act. Theologian Alexander Schmemann makes a connection between naming and grat.i.tude: To name a thing . . . is to bless G.o.d for it and in it. And in the Bible to bless G.o.d is not a "religious" . . . act, but the very way of life. G.o.d blessed the world, blessed man, blessed the seventh day (that is, time), and this means that He filled all that exists with His love and goodness . . . So [our] only natural . . . reaction . . . is to bless G.o.d in return, to thank Him, to see the world as G.o.d sees it and-in this act of grat.i.tude and adoration-to know, name and possess the world.7 a. A way of life is a daily experience-a composite of our routine att.i.tudes, behaviors, and practices. Drawing on the experience of grat.i.tude you identified in question 1, how would you describe what it means to make grat.i.tude-blessing G.o.d-a way of life? What routine att.i.tudes, behaviors, and practices would it require?

b. Grat.i.tude requires seeing the world as G.o.d sees it. What do the names Joseph gave his sons (pp. 9293) reveal about how he saw the world?

3. We can't name-express grat.i.tude-until we notice. The practice of being thankful requires cultivating a posture of attentiveness that spotlights even the smallest graces.

a. Take a moment to get "small" in naming your grat.i.tude. Write down two or three simple things you can thank G.o.d for-from the last twenty-four hours, the last hour, and this very moment.

b. How would you characterize your posture of attentiveness in your current season of life? In other words, to what degree do you routinely notice and name G.o.d's graces and gifts?

4. Max identified four potential reasons for failing to express grat.i.tude. Place a check mark next to the reason(s) that come closest to describing your experience.

Busyness: No time! I am so preoccupied with everything I have to do that I don't remember to express grat.i.tude most of the time.

Caution: Wait a second. This looks like a good thing, but I don't want to get my hopes up. It might be too good to be true. I'll keep my grat.i.tude to myself until I know for sure.

Self-centeredness: Okay, this is a good thing, and I'm grateful for it on one hand. But it requires something of me that I hadn't antic.i.p.ated, so I have mixed feelings about it.

Arrogance: Well, things weren't so bad before. And isn't all that sloppy grat.i.tude just a sign of neediness? I'm not needy.

Other: Does this reason primarily characterize your expression of grat.i.tude in your relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d, in your relations.h.i.+ps with others, or in both?

What differences, if any, do you notice in your ability to express grat.i.tude to G.o.d and to others? Do you express grat.i.tude more frequently to one than the other? Are you more concrete in your grat.i.tude to one than the other? More authentic? Describe the reasons for your response.

5. "In the midst of the darkest night of the human soul, Jesus found a way to give thanks. Anyone can thank G.o.d for the light. Jesus teaches us to thank G.o.d for the night" (p. 98). For what difficult aspect of your life do you sense G.o.d inviting you to express grat.i.tude? Consider making your grat.i.tude concrete, perhaps by writing it down, sharing it with someone, or marking it in another way. If you are not ready to express grat.i.tude, express your concerns or reluctance to G.o.d instead. Ask for grace to take the next step.

CHAPTER 10.

Now, About Those Family Scandals and Scoundrels 1. "[Joseph] kept family secrets a secret. Untouched and untreated. Joseph was content to leave his past in the past" (p. 102). Listed below are several words and phrases that characterize some of the hards.h.i.+ps and dysfunction evident in Joseph's family. As you review the list, place a check mark next to any issues that have marked your family.

Abandonment Troubled marriage(s) Premature death Hatred Sibling rivalry Favoritism Severe grief Disregard for others Parental abdication Guilt Deception Betrayal Infertility Resentment Abuse Extramarital relations.h.i.+ps Harsh treatment Brokenness Self-absorption Secrecy Neglect Other: a. Identify two or three long-term effects that these issues have had on you.

b. When you consider the hards.h.i.+ps and dysfunction in your family, do you tend to feel as Joseph did, that it's better to leave these issues in the past? Or do you wish everything could be out in the open? How does your perspective compare with that of others in your family?

c. What fears or concerns come to mind when you think about revisiting your family's past or talking with other family members about the long-term-impact issues you identified?

2. Part of the healing process includes unearthing the details-the specifics of how you were hurt-and inviting G.o.d to relive those experiences with you.

a. What two or three details come to mind when you reflect on the long-term issues you identified in question 1? If you don't feel comfortable writing down the details, reflect instead on your resistance to doing so. What thoughts or emotions are you aware of when you consider writing down the specifics of what happened to you?

b. As you consider your response to the previous question, what help do you need from G.o.d? How do you want to experience his presence, comfort, or guidance?

3. Coming face-to-face with old hurts can be disorienting. When Joseph first encountered his brothers again, he withheld his ident.i.ty, spoke harshly, made false accusations, jailed them, released them, put conditions on their departure and return, held one of them hostage, concealed powerful emotions, and was secretly generous to them (Gen. 42:628).

a. What conflicting thoughts and emotions surface when you consider the possibility of engaging old hurts and the people connected with them?

b. Which of Joseph's behaviors do you relate to the most? Why?

4. "[G.o.d] gives us more than we request by going deeper than we ask. He wants not only your whole heart; he wants your heart whole. Why? Hurt people hurt people" (p. 105).

a. In what area of your life do you most feel as if your heart is not whole? It might be in a difficult relations.h.i.+p, personal insecurities, a significant loss, self-defeating behaviors, or a pattern of sin or failure. Briefly summarize the situation.

b. What is the specific hole in your heart related to the area you identified? For example, if you identified a difficult relations.h.i.+p, the hole in your heart might be an inability to forgive, lack of hope for reconciliation, or grief over the past.

c. How might this lack of heart wholeness have led you to say or do things that hurt or negatively affected someone? Consider past relations.h.i.+ps as well as recent relations.h.i.+ps.

5. Joseph's path to reconciliation with his family was long and difficult, but it began with a small act of mercy and grace-he loaded his brothers' saddlebags with grain and quietly returned the silver they had paid for it. A gift, free and clear.

a. Joseph gave his brothers what they needed most. They were prepared to pay for it, but he gave it as a gift. What do you think your family members need most from you in connection with the past?

b. What small act of mercy and grace do you sense G.o.d inviting you to extend to someone in your family?

CHAPTER 11.

Revenge Feels Good, But Then . . .

1. Revenge is retaliation-an attempt to even the scales of justice by punis.h.i.+ng someone who wronged us. In some cases, such as Joseph Richardson's Spite House, retaliation can be extreme.

a. Like Richardson, some people retaliate by striking out in hostile ways. Others express their hostility by striking in; they withdraw emotionally or even sever the relations.h.i.+p. Which approach-striking out or striking in-best describes your tendency?

b. Identify one or two subtle or not-so-subtle ways you have taken revenge on someone who hurt you. How did your actions affect the other person? How did they affect you?

2. The apostle Peter addressed the issue of revenge by putting it in the context of our relations.h.i.+p with Christ: Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps . . . When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. (1 Peter 2:21, 23 NIV) a. The Greek word translated as "entrusted" is paradidmi (par-ad-id'-o-mee). It means "to hand over or deliver into someone else's custody." In ancient Greece it was used to describe handing over a captive or delivering a prisoner to court.8 Using these images as a reference, how would you describe what it means to entrust oneself to G.o.d instead of taking revenge?

b. Reflect on what you have read about Joseph's encounters with his brothers, and identify ways Joseph entrusted himself and what he suffered to G.o.d.

c. How does this pa.s.sage challenge you or encourage you concerning your suffering or desire for revenge?

3. "Fix your enemies? That's G.o.d's job. Forgive your enemies? Ah, that's where you and I come in" (p. 116). As believers, we are to go well beyond not taking revenge; the command is to love our enemies: You're familiar with the old written law, "Love your friend," and its unwritten companion, "Hate your enemy." I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your G.o.d-created selves. This is what G.o.d does. He gives his best-the sun to warm and the rain to nourish-to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. (Matt. 5:4345 MSG) a. What characteristics are true of you when you are at your best? Write down no more than five words or phrases. For example, you might say something like, "I am kind, generous, resourceful."

b. What comes to mind when you consider giving your best-your G.o.d-created self-to the people you need to forgive or you find difficult to love?

4. "Forgiveness vacillates like this. It has fits and starts, good days and bad . . . But this is okay. When it comes to forgiveness, all of us are beginners. . . . As long as you are trying to forgive, you are forgiving" (p. 117).

a. Briefly reflect on efforts you have made to forgive someone. How did you approach it? Did you feel as if you had to make a one-time decision? Did you move into it gradually? Did the process have fits and starts?

b. How would a.s.sess yourself now regarding forgiveness? Would you say you are actively trying to forgive or actively avoiding it?

c. Jesus' directive in the Matthew 5 pa.s.sage is to "respond with the energies of prayer." How might you pray specifically for the benefit and blessing of the person who hurt you?

CHAPTER 12.