On The Record Part 22

Her body was screaming and moaning and crying out. It was demanding everything that Brady was offering. It was desperate for his perfect brand of ecstasy. But her brain was fighting with her body. It was whispering in the back of her mind, reminding her why she had left, reminding her there was someone else . . . in both of their lives.

In the time that it took for her brain to speak louder than her body, Brady had flicked the b.u.t.ton open on her jeans and was sliding the zipper down.

"Stop," she murmured, pulling her hands up. "Brady, you're with someone else."

"I believe you called her an uppity nuisance," he offered with a sigh as he straightened.

"I can't do this while we're with other people. As long as we are, this door remains shut," she whispered. Her body was such a hussy.

"Are you going to stay with that guy after he upset you enough that you called and came here with me?"

"I don't even want to hear this from you."

"Then why the f.u.c.k did you call me?" he demanded.

"I don't know, okay!" she yelled, bringing her hands up to her head and grabbing her hair. "I just didn't want to be . . . me."

"I see," he said softly.

Liz took a second to collect herself. While she straightened and smoothed her hair out, his phone beeped, indicating a text message. She watched him check the phone and then replace it into his pocket.

"That was probably your girlfriend anyway," she said after a minute.

Brady just stood there staring at her. She could feel his eyes a.s.sessing her, but she didn't want to look up at him. She didn't want to know what he was thinking. He had wanted to f.u.c.k her. G.o.d! He probably still wanted to, and it would have been so easy to just give in, but she wasn't that girl. How could she jump back into something with Brady without any guarantee that it wouldn't all go to s.h.i.+t again?

How could she even think that he wanted to jump back into anything other than s.e.x? The worst part of all was she just didn't know. She never knew what she was going to get with Brady. There were no a.s.surances. And while that had been s.e.xy, exhilarating, and endearing over their summer together . . . it was flat-out terrifying to think about the future.

"It was," he finally answered.

Liz nodded. She had figured as much. "What did she say?"

He shrugged. "Nothing."

"Uh-huh," she said disbelievingly. "I should go."

"You're not going anywhere."

"Tell me what she said."

"What does it even matter?"

Liz shrugged. She didn't know why it mattered. It just did. "Fine. It doesn't matter. Can I go home now?"

"No."

Liz yanked the bedroom door open and started out into the hallway. Brady caught up to her easily and grabbed her wrist. "Don't touch me," she said, yanking it away from him. "Go talk to your girlfriend or something."

"It was literally nothing," he said, stopping her. "She was just saying good night."

That made sense actually. It still made her stomach turn.

"Read it if you don't believe me," he said flippantly, tossing the phone into her hand.

The message was still lit up and she read it word for word.

Good night! I thought I'd already hear from you but I'm exhausted and going to sleep. I love you!!!

Liz's stomach dropped out. Erin loved him. Well, of course she did. Who didn't love Brady Maxwell? He was entirely lovable under that a.s.shole persona. Liz had fallen in love with him, after all . . . and in a much shorter time frame than Brady and Erin had been dating.

"She loves you." It was all she could get out.

Brady didn't say anything. His eyes just zeroed in on the phone she was holding in her hands. She didn't know why she asked the next question. She was a m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t. She liked to torture herself. She never wanted to be happy again.

"Do you love her?"

Brady didn't say anything at first, and it was all the answer she needed. Oh, G.o.d! She clutched her stomach and closed her eyes. This was not happening. She didn't care how hypocritical it was to feel like this about Brady loving someone else. She had told Hayden she loved him over the summer, but this . . . this was somehow different.

It all came back to the fact that Brady had never told her that he loved her. And it was clear from just one text message that he had told Erin. That he loved Erin. It made her head throb thinking about it.

When Brady didn't answer, Liz said the first thing that came to mind. "You know Savannah hates her, right?"

"What?" he asked, clearly caught off guard.

"It doesn't matter," Liz said, shaking her head. "You love her. It doesn't matter."

Liz glanced up at him one more time wistfully. Hayden might be giving her almost everything she wanted, but he wasn't Brady Maxwell. And Brady Maxwell was giving everything she wanted to someone else.

Chapter 18.

LOUD AND CLEAR.

The ride back to Liz's car was excruciating. She had sat through painful car rides with Brady before, but the silence was deafening. A year of built-up tension had been unleashed between them tonight, and to what end? They were still in the same place they were before. Sure, it had felt good to finally talk to Brady about why she had left, but it certainly hadn't helped anything.

It had only made her more confused. Brady felt strongly enough about her to have nearly gone off the deep end on campaign, yet he'd never once reached out to her. He seduced her and yet loved another woman. How was she supposed to handle the number of paradoxes in their relations.h.i.+p?

Their nonexistent relations.h.i.+p.

That was how she would handle it: as if it didn't exist. Because it didn't. They were with other people. She may have had an argument with Hayden. She might feel hurt, betrayed, and confused about what had caused it, but it was the first . . . the only argument they had ever had. That didn't mean they were over. That meant they had their first roadblock that they had to deal with.

The stuff she had to deal with with Brady was more like climbing mountains. With bare feet. While she was running out of oxygen.

They reached the parking deck and Brady stopped in front of it. Liz wrung her hands in her lap. She felt as if she should say something, but what could she say that hadn't already been said?

That door was closed and it would continue to be closed. She was with Hayden and he was with Erin. She could practically hear the lock clicking into place and securing them on opposite sides. It made her heart constrict all over again.

"Thank you for picking me up," she whispered.

She heard him sigh heavily and practically felt his annoyance at the whole situation. Or maybe just that the situation hadn't gone as he had antic.i.p.ated.

"I think this will be the last time," he said solemnly.

She s.h.i.+fted her eyes to look at him. His were hard. They had lost all the warmth he had shown her at the condo. Not that they were particularly mean, but they were distant. At that point it basically equated to the same thing.

"I'm not doing this again. Next time he breaks your heart, I don't want to hear about it. I don't want you to call me. I don't want you to think about me. I'm not part of your life. We might as well have never happened," he said, turning to look at her finally.

She wasn't going to cry. His words weren't going to bring her to tears. No. She could control it. She could keep the pain away.

"I understand," she whispered, her voice hoa.r.s.e. A tear trickled down her cheek.

His hands reached up automatically and wiped it away with his thumb. "No tears for me, baby. Soon enough you'll forget I ever existed . . . just like you wanted."

Liz shook her head, wanting nothing more than to turn her cheek into his palm, to find the warmth and comfort in his touch that she so desperately craved. But instead she withdrew from him, pushed open the door, and walked out. She didn't have a clever retort or a final word this time. Brady had made his point. Loud and clear.

Liz should have called Hayden straightaway. They had so much to talk about, but she couldn't face him like this.

He might have been an a.s.s, but her calling Brady and driving off with him had been worse. Kissing him and almost sleeping with him had been much worse. Hayden didn't deserve that. She felt like a coward not facing him after what she had done, but it was the middle of the night, she had no idea where he had gone, and she just wanted to sleep off the depression that was crus.h.i.+ng her heart.

Falling into the front seat of her car, she drove home in a blur. She didn't really remember the drive, but she hadn't gotten in an accident, so it didn't matter. Lights were on in her house. Liz checked her watch. Half past midnight. She really thought it was later than that. It felt as if she had been out all night.

The last thing she wanted was to run into anyone looking like this. She just hoped that Hayden hadn't come over here when she didn't respond to him.

With a deep breath, she pushed the door open. Victoria was sitting on the couch in sweats and a low-cut T-s.h.i.+rt, eating popcorn, and watching reruns of some nineties television show. She jumped when she saw Liz walk through the door. She scrambled out of her seat and tossed the popcorn onto the coffee table.

"Where the f.u.c.k have you been? I've been calling you for hours!" Victoria shrieked.

"What?" she asked numbly.

"Hayden called me and he came by to try to talk to you, but obviously you weren't here. He told me you guys got into an argument and thought I knew where you would be. What the f.u.c.k was I supposed to tell him?"

"That I wasn't here?" Liz offered. What else was she supposed to say? "Sorry you had to deal with that."

"Oh, Hayden, psh," Victoria said, pus.h.i.+ng her hands to the side. "I don't care about him. I care about you, and the fact that I had to cover for your a.s.s."

"Cover for me?"

"Where the h.e.l.l did you go after you guys had that fight if you weren't with someone else?" Victoria demanded.

Liz blanched. No. No. No. No one could know about that. Brady was out of her life. Brady was gone. Whatever they'd had didn't even exist anymore. She couldn't tell anyone about it now.

"I was just driving around . . ."

"Bulls.h.i.+t! For over three hours?"

"What do you want me to say, Victoria? 'Thank you for talking to Hayden for me because I'm not ready to'?"

Victoria shrugged and ran a hand back through her dark hair. "I don't want you to say anything. I just don't want to have to cover for you when you're not even going to give me the juicy details of your s.e.xcapade!"

"It's too late for this," Liz said, shaking her head and pus.h.i.+ng past Victoria. "I'm not having s.e.x with anyone but my boyfriend, and after our argument, I'm second-guessing that."

"Wait . . . so are you like actually going to break up with Lane?"

"I think I should sleep on it."

"Wow," Victoria said, clearly stunned. "I never saw that one coming. I thought you two were getting married and having twelve babies on the farm and s.h.i.+t."

Liz narrowed her eyes. "On the farm, Vic?"

"You know what I mean. But what happened?" she asked, walking back and grabbing her popcorn. She stuffed some into her mouth and waited for Liz's response as if she were watching a movie.

"We fought. He was an a.s.shole. He said I was letting the paper turn to s.h.i.+t because I had other things going on. And then when I left I saw him smoking and he punched the door," Liz summarized.

"Hayden smoking?" Victoria asked. "Hot!"

"What? No, it's totally disgusting!"

"Come on! You don't think that Mr. Stick Up His a.s.s getting a little rebellious and breaking some barriers is hot? Just a little?"

"No," Liz told her flatly. That had been the farthest thing from her mind when she had seen Hayden smoking. She had been disgusted and she felt betrayed. How long had he been smoking? How long had he been keeping it from her? What else was he keeping from her?

"Okay. Well are you going to talk about it with him? I can come with and whip his a.s.s into shape," she said, her eyes lighting up. "Literally."

"Thanks for the offer, but I guess I'll talk to him tomorrow."

"Hey," Victoria said, reaching out and touching Liz's jacket. She actually looked serious for a change. "I'm sorry about what happened. I know you really like Hayden. I wouldn't have made fun of him so much if you didn't. I hope it works out. You know . . . for your sake. I don't want you as sad as you were last fall."

Liz bit her lip. She couldn't think about last fall. That was Brady territory, and Brady no longer existed.

"Thanks," Liz said softly.

Victoria put her popcorn on the ground and pulled Liz into a hug. That broke her down. Tears fell from Liz's eyes as she cried into her best friend's shoulder. They didn't have to say anything else. Victoria just let her cry as long as she needed.

The next morning she didn't even bother sorting through the missed calls, messages, and voicemails. She just pulled her hair up into a messy bun on the top of her head and slid into a pair of yoga pants and a sweater. Then she called Hayden.

He answered on the first ring. Maybe before the first ring finished. He must have been holding it for him to answer that quickly.

"Lizzie . . ."

"Hey," she murmured.

"I'm so glad you called."