Havemercy. Part 7

aYouave done so,a I reminded him, even if it was uncharitable of me. aAnd you promised to pay for the table.a aI lost my temper,a he said. aI shouldnat have.a aWell, you heard the chatelain. Mme has that effect on everyone.a At that the Margrave laughed, startled and hoa.r.s.e, so that I knew it had sounded quite as rude as Iad feared. I didnat care. At that moment, I felt as though I would say anything at all if it would keep him from retiring once more into depression.

aIndeed,a he said, with a rumble in his throat that sounded pleased. I felt a strange sort of swelling in my chesta"like pridea"to know that Iad caused it, that I could effect such a change.

It was, after all, what Iad been aiming for.

The Margrave stepped away from me as we reached the door, turned the k.n.o.b, and opened it halfway so that he might slip inside alone. He paused at the doorframe.

aI suppose,a he said, turning slowly to meet my gaze, athat if you have any questions about the details aired so publicly this evening, I should offer to answer them now.a I blinked, felt a momentary scramble in my mind as I sought for the right question, or even any question at all. I wanted to ask a great many things. I wondered what the prince of Arlemagne had been like, or whether head been anything like me, though that seemed a terribly inappropriate thing to ask, and not at all the sort of question I imagined Margrave Royston would feel up to answering.

aWould you,a I said at last, alike to finish telling me how they built the Basquiat?a He smiled again, and again I felt that peculiar flush of gladness.

aI would.a ROOK.

Our Lady of a Thousand Fans was nice enough, but there was way too much f.u.c.king ceremony involved for my tastes, too much hoopla for the end result. I mean, everywhere else you have to sign your name and such, so if you kill somebody theyave got your calling card if youare stupid enough to leave your real name, but in Our Lady they make you leave a suretya"that is, a piece of yourself they keep until youare done, the kind of personal item they can track you down with if you were smart enough to sign with an alias. But Our Lady, if you counted it all up and weighed it out, was just about the same as anywhere else, so far as I could tell. Sure, they taught a few of the girls some real exotic stuff, just so they could charge us extra, but underneath all that they werenat nothina special.

I had to go to Pantheon after Our Lady, get the sludgy taste of their sweet tea out of my mouth. That and some other things, acause Our Lady was all silk and softness, and I was too hacked off at everything to deal with any of that s.h.i.+t. Pantheon had gambling, and a man with one eye who was offering knife fights in the corner, even odds. Adamoad told me off more than once for knife-fighting in the city, acause I was betteran most and more than once wead had to have a little atalka about what was fair and what was murdering a man in broad daylight. I still say that if youave got a knife and the other manas got a knife, then itas a fair fight no matter what angle youare coming from. It just shakes down that what isnat fair in this world is some people being better than others at killing.

But I liked being allowed in the bars more than I liked stabbing men in the gut, and soon enough we came to a sort of compromise.

Didnat stop me from laughing fit to burst when the one-eyed man nearly lost his other eye, though.

I ended up on the road back to the Airman much quicker than Iadave liked, the whole night having const.i.tuted nothing so much as one giant disappointment. At least, I reasoned, Iad be getting a good nightas sleep and maybe tomorrow would be less of a complete f.u.c.k-up.

I lost sight of that notion the minute I walked in the door. Something in the air smelled different.

The people in the streetsa"laypeople as theyare called, in technical termsa"are always yammering on about the Dragon Corps and what we can or canat do. Iave heard stories so wrong that I was sure theyad mixed us up with magicians or the Ke-Han or worse. Anyway, we can smell fear-sweat, but itas not like itas some mystical power; it just smells different than anything else. Train any animal early enough, and there isnat much you canat teach it. In the end, people are animals too, no matter how they dress themselves up or teach themselves to speak proper, and weare the same as anything else when it comes to training. The airmen got trained up real special to smell the things most people donat, but it didnat mean we were some bogeymen with Talents like magicians.

Anyone with a nose could do it. Anyone with a brain and a nose could do it, which unfortunately cuts out a good portion of Thremedon since there are a whole lot more people with noses than with brains wandering around.

Merrittas boots were in the doorway, and Iadave tripped if I hadnat been expecting them. They were always in the doorway, no matter how many times I broke into his room to throw them at his head. I even tried jamming them down his throat once, but Magoughin and Ghislain had pulled me off. I kicked them out of the way, and cursed, loud as I pleased acause anyone awake wouldnat care and anyone asleep had thick steel doors between them and me, but it still hadnat made an impression.

But then: aOh,a said a voice, and worse it was a voice I recognized, acause there were only about fifteen voices I bothered to recognize in this world, Haveas included. The rest fell by the wayside unless it was someone I really hated.

The professor and all his hugging-kissing philosophies definitely qualified.

aBastion f.u.c.king c.u.n.t,a I said, soft this time, like I knew I didnat need to be loud to intimidate this one. No, the aVersity brat intimidated real nice and easy on his own. He had too much imagination for his own good.

From down the hall, something made a sc.r.a.ping noise against the ground. I thought it must have been that curtain thing Raphaelad dredged up from f.u.c.k knows where. Probably stole it from a wh.o.r.ehouse, seeing as how it had cranes and snowy mountaintops painted on it, and that sort of business had gone out of fas.h.i.+on about five years ago.

That didnat matter though. What mattered was: Theyad moved him in. Brought him right into the fold like he wasnat some outsider, which anyone with eyes could see perfectly well he was. I picked my way down the hall, neat and quiet like some big Ke-Han panther. Little-known fact was that I could be as quiet as I pleased when it suited me. Just so happened that it didnat suit me often enough.

Zeroing in on the source of the noise came easy enough, as the halls werenat exactly dark and there was only one body moving in them. Everyone elsea"due to another rule theyad instated a couple years backa"was doing their moving behind closed doors, shuttered and locked as was proper and decent. Head moved the screen aside, to find the source of the noise, I guessed, and was in the midst of moving right into his little corner, making everything all home-and-cozy-like.

Just looking at him got me so twisted around that I wanted to hit something. No, what I wanted to do was get up into the air again, only there was a strict policy against flying by night unless we heard the raid siren. Strict enough that I stuck by it, same as everyone else. Donat take your girls out for pleasure unless theyare tearing the place apart for a fly, and itas during the day.

aWhat do you want?a The professor didnat look up, just went on digging in his beat-up old trunk.

Theyad got him set up on the couch theyad had put in when Niall started complaining that the walk from one end of the building to the other was too long. It was almost appalling what a man could obtain if he implied to thaEsar that he was unhappy. aCourse it all counted for horses.h.i.+t if you couldnat convince Adamo first, but he picked his battles. Knew when giving in might be the better option.

It was, as he was often fond of saying, what made him so much smarter than me, though I couldnat see what he was going on about. I got on just fine.

aChief Sergeant said you were out tonight,a the professor added, which wasnat an answer to the question at all. Head made himself a fortressa"a stupid little wall with his two suitcases and the screena"like he thought it would actually stop anyone wanting to get in. The whole idea made me so mad I kicked one over, just to show him.

It landed on the floor with a satisfying smack. I showed all my teeth, but it wasnat a smile.

The professor made a noise in his throat that sounded like head thought the better of something, which ticked me off. I wanted him to say whatever it was he wanted to say. Iad been spoiling for a fight since the one-eyed man in Pantheon, and my nerves were humming with alcohol, thick and golden.

aHeas not my f.u.c.king nursemaid,a I said instead. aAnd neitherare you.a aYes, well, thank the bastion for that,a he muttered, unfolding a pathetic homespun blanket and throwing it over the couch.

aWhat was that, Cindy?a aMy namea"a he began, like he was doing me a favor by acting all patient.

aLetas get a few things straight,a I cut him off, marching over the suitcases and sitting square in the middle of the couch.

He turned to face me, gla.s.ses catching the glare from the low red emergency lights they kept on and burning in the hallways. He looked angry, which was funny, and more than that it was stupid. Rule number one: I could sit anywhere I liked, and head have to learn to get over that if he was going to survive any longer than a day.

Which he still probably wasnat.

aYouare not a guest. And youare sure as f.u.c.k not one of us, so you know what that means?a I leaned back easy on the couch and spread my arms across the back, in case there was any dispute as to whose couch it really was.

aI canat imagine,a he said, throwing on his professor look while he bit his words sharp, kept what he meant back there in his throat, all for himself.

The professor had a pinched look to his face, small and hard. Real stuck-up, like he belonged on the face of some coin instead of breathing and living around real people. Even in the red light, with nothing proper to alumin him, he looked younger than the boys running about with their nanny-nursemaids in the city. I wanted to spit in his face.

aMeans youare a waste of s.p.a.ce,a I said instead. aMeans you ainat never going to get done what you came here to do, and you might as well go back to the aVersity while theyall still take you back, all in one pretty piece.a aYour concern,a he said, dry as a Ke-Han desert, ais touching.a There was rage coming off him now, clear as a waving flaga"it had a different smell than fear, angera"and it stopped him saying whatever it was head been about to say. He turned his back to me, went back to arranging his suitcases, and picked up the one Iad kicked over.

aNot very many men whoad turn their backs on me,a I said as a point of interest.

He didnat say anything, but his shoulders twitched together like he was getting his hackles up about something. Then they evened out again and he answered flat and calm, aIam not afraid of you.a That was just about the stupidest thing Iad ever heard anyone say. I laughed to prove it, quiet and sweet and taking my time, because the longer I took, the more scared head be. Thatas the way to get someone to provoke youa"you just wait it out. Itas the only kind of game Iave got patience for.

aYeah?a I asked. aaCause it sure smells like you are.a He stiffened, his hands stilling on what mightave been a pair of socks. Real intimidating. Not scared of me at all; him and his socks were going to mess me up good and proper. aPerhaps youare imagining things,a he said at length. aI certainly donat smell anything.a aTry again,a I said. aBreathe in deep, get a good whiff of yourself.a I didnat lean forward; I didnat have to. aYou stink of it.a I saw him work his response around for just a moment; it was too split-second for him to do much thinking beforehand, and it was a big mistake he was about to make. I didnat even have proper time to relish the antic.i.p.ation of it.

aYou,a he said, asmell rather like a wh.o.r.e.a That was when I came off the couch, quick as a Ke-Han panther could be when he wasnat lounging back nice and easy and tracking every movement you made before the pounce, and grabbed him by the collar, threw him up against the wall. aSay it again,a I snapped. It was easy this way, to let the anger out piece by pretty piece. The blood was pounding between my ears and I loved the sound, the feel of it.

aYou smell rather like a wh.o.r.e,a the professor said, but there wasnat nearly the same venom in it as the first time. Maybe head finally figured out what a stupid thing it was to say, just him and me, and no one around to vouch for me having killed him. No witnesses: That was the fancy way the Provost wouldave said it, or one of his wolves.

aThatas acause Iave been with wh.o.r.es,a I said, drawing each word out sweet and mean, vowels like theyad p.r.o.nounce them in Molly, all long and hard-edged. aIave been with wh.o.r.es all night long and, you know, sometimes itas so good I donat even have to pay them.a aI sincerely doubt that,a said the professor. It seemed like he already knew he was going to die, like he felt it wouldnat make no difference if he went down swinging than if he went down meek and mild as a babe in arms. aIam rather well acquainted with the system of prost.i.tution and, if I recall, the frequenter is required to pay before the act. So unless one or two individual women who know you by name harbor a particularly soft spot for youa"But even then, itas the madam who takes the money, and not the woman herself, so you see thatas rather an empty and unnecessary boast. We both know better.a I tightened my fist in the front of his s.h.i.+rt and shoved him back against the wall so his head knocked against it and the fear rolled off him in waves.

aYeah?a I asked. aYouave been following me? You know how I get it done?a aWell,a said the professor, who by now was just babbling and waiting for death to come, and if headave been anybody else, I mightave grown to admire him a little for it, aitas just that unless you climb in through the windows and rape the madams, what youave said is rather impossible. But, considering your style, itas not all that unlikely you would do things that way, in which case certainly you might not have to pay at all. Except of course there are bars on the windows, for keeping both deranged rapists out and kept women in. So once again we find ourselves at a fork in the road of logica"a logistical impa.s.se, if you willa"wherein you say one thing and I counter it very effectively with, ah, the truth.a I was gearing up to hit him. aLike youave spent all your school trips getting used to the way they do it in Hapenny,a I snarled. Our faces were real close, and I could see his eyes get panicked, like he thought I was going to bite him.

Not likely. I donat put my mouth on just anybody.

aActually,a he said, in a squeezed voice, all reed-thin, aI have done much research on Tuesday Street, so you see I am rather well acquainted with the way things work in that particular business, Messire Rook.a If he thought he was so familiar with Tuesday Street just because of doing some research, I thoughta"all blind rage and preparing my fist to break his facea"then he didnat know anything at all.

I raised my fist and let him take a good look at it. I was still wearing my flying glovesa"it gets a man better service no matter where he goesa"and I watched him square himself against it, when of course the real way to let yourself get hit is to go soft and relaxed to try and keep any bones from breaking.

It was kind of like hitting a puppy.

aNo,a I said finally, aI donat think Iam gonna.a He looked startled; even more so when I released my grip on him and let him slide down the wall, his knees shaking, his eyes not trusting my sudden relenting. That was smart of him, at least. aYouare not going toa"What?a he asked. Like he hadnat been p.i.s.sing himself about what I was about to do this whole d.a.m.n time.

aLater,a I promised him. aDonat sleep too deeply or nothing, acause, well. You know.a I flashed him more teeth than I needed to.

aDo I?a he asked, struggling to regain his composure.

aOn the point of a pin, like,a I replied. aAnd sometimes I get up in the night and look after unfinished business. Thatas all.a aOh,a he said.

And, quick as you please, I turned on my heel and headed back to my bunker, where I locked the door and lay down and slept nice and easy, while he was no doubt still s.h.i.+vering in his socks right there in the common room, by his couch and his fancy screen that wasnat going to help him none soon as I got the other boys behind me.

CHAPTER FIVE.

THOM.

I was doomed.

Iad always been doomed, and to be honest Iad always known it, but it was really the words we exchanged my first night sleepinga"or trying to sleep, rathera"in the Airman compound that I realized just how doomed I was. Every time something creaked, every time a sound infiltrated my troubled sleep, I jerked awake with a start, my heart pounding. And that, of course, had been Rookas plan all along, which made me realize how clever he was and how I might have underestimated him, thinking he was no more than a common hooligan raised above his capabilities to control himself. No, it was quite the contrary; Airman Rook was a dangerously clever sort of person, without any formal education or moral upbringing, so that he was something like a live wire without any outlet, no backbone of kindness upon which all his intelligence could be structured and thence put to good use. He was exceptionally smart, which meant that his brain was naturally frustrated because head never known the right way to channel his own intelligence or expand his mental horizons. This frustration made him angry, made him lash out at people, made him punish them without enough self-awareness to understand why.

Also, he was going to kill me.

Whether he was going to do it on purpose or whether he was simply going to get a bit overzealous while torturing me, it didnat really matter. These were trifling details. The end result remained the same, no matter how I measured the contributing factors.

I wasnat ever going to sleep againa"at least, not if I could absolutely help it.

Luckily, the first day I had slated for no more than observation, and so I sat upon my couch and watched as each man filtered out separately, went about his business separately, left separately, and returned separately, interacting now and then to tell a joke, or pick a fight about boots left by the front door, or shout about how that had been Aceas sandwich and not Ghislainas, and what sort of rat b.a.s.t.a.r.d ate a sandwich without making it for himself first in any case, whether he thought it had been abandoned or not?

Now and then I took notes, though what I thought theyad accomplish I wasnat sure. A few of the men were early risers, and a few of them hadnat appeared even now that lunch was long since over. Thankfully, Rook was in the latter category; I hoped, privately and cruelly, that he would sleep all day, or perhaps be smothered with his pillow. The way he treated his fellow men was reprehensible, the way he treated women even more so. He was exactly the sort of man Iad always loathed, both during my time in Molly and during my years at Primary, then at the aVersity.

aThis is often what itas like during the off-seasons,a said Balfour, obviously taking pity on me. If I looked as tired as I felt, it was no wonder. aMay I?a I gestured to the empty s.p.a.ce beside me. aBy all means,a I said.

aThough I donat wish to get you in trouble with the other men.a aIn trouble?a Balfour looked at me quizzically.

aFor fraternizing with the enemy,a I confided, leaning in close as Evariste and Compagnon pa.s.sed through the room.

aOh, no,a Balfour said, a little too quickly I thought, then flushed. aWell, actually, yes. But itas not really important. Have you eaten? What are you writing down?a aNothing much,a I admitted. aOn both counts. Only I thought that I might firsta"observe you in your . . . natural habitat. Undisturbed by my presence.a aAs if weare zoo animals?a Balfour asked, but I saw his smile at the corner of his mouth and knew he was only teasing me. aWe are zoo animals, some of us,a Balfour added, and I didnat miss his pointed look down the hall, in the direction of Rookas bunker.

aWell,a I replied noncommittally, aitas not entirely for me to say.a aAh,a said Balfour. aYes, I see. What have you found out thus far about our . . . natural habitat?a aYou never really talk to one another,a I pointed out. aI mean, Iave seen you. You all know one another very well, but during the morning like this, there arenataa"I struggled for a way to explain it properlya"aarenat any lines of communication open among you,a I finished lamely. aDoes that make sense?a aSome of us arenat the sort who feel friendly in the morning,a Balfour tried to explain. aAt night, itas very different.a aYes,a I said, though I didnat really see how such vastly incompatible men who refused to talk to one another beyond the occasional explosive argument or filthy joke could possibly work together in the air effectively enough to save all our lives from the Ke-Han hordes. Perhaps there was something I was missing, but I was rather dubious, from what Iad seen so far. aIf you donat mind my asking, what was the outcome with Merrittas boots?a aOh, no one was hurt too badly,a said Balfour cheerfully. aBut I do think Merritt is going to need a new pair.a aWhyas that?a aGhislain dropped them out the window,a Balfour explained. aIt was better than if Rook had done it, any case.a aOh?a aWell, because Rook would have thrown them, you see, with Merritt in them,a Balfour finished. aNo, all in all, I believe it was good Ghislain was the one who dealt with it first.a aAh,a I said, as though I understood, which I didnat at all. The general meaning I did take, though, was that not all the airmen were as unnecessarily cruel as Rook. They were products of the same system, perhapsa"and therefore spent some time interacting with no more social grace than the zoo animals Balfour had suggesteda"but they were different, still. Better somehow, as though in them there was still the basic human instinct of decency, long buried perhaps, but in existence nonetheless. Nothing I had seen from Airman Rook gave me any indication that he had a soul, let alone any sense of human decency.

Still, this indicated some sort of a system among the men, under which it was recognized that it was better to have some men deal with certain problems than others. It was a start, at least, and pointed toward what knowledge they might have as to each memberas strengths and weaknesses.

I realized then that Iad been writing instead of speaking, and that Balfour was patiently waiting for me to finish.

aAt the aVersity, we learn to write things down as weare thinking them because you never know what you might forget or what might end up as important later,a I explained.

Balfour nodded, then seemed to hesitate over something. aIad find a safe place to put those notes,a he said at last.

My dismay must have shown on my face, for he quickly smiled, rea.s.suring and nervous at once.

aNot that I thinka"Not that thereas any reason for you to be paranoid, certainly,a he went on, in a tone telling me that paranoia would be a very wise choice at this juncture, trapped in the jaws of the dragon as I was. aItas only, if theyare important to you, you should keep them safe.a That night, I began writing double copies of everything. This served a dual purpose in that it also kept me awake much more effectively than Iad expected. The gentle hum of the strip lighting even became somehow comforting, though I jumped much more easily than Iad have liked to admit when Luvander kicked down the door to the common room, announcing he was going to bed. He didnat look at me as he pa.s.sed my couch, where Iad set my cases one on top of the other that I might use them as a makes.h.i.+ft desk.

The building was suddenly much noisier with the door open.

I hadnat realized quite how much sound was blocked by those particular doors, nor had I really even given it much thought, though of course any man whoad met the airmen would have certainly thought to provide them with as much insulation as possible. I didnat want to think of what theyad have done to one another in the aVersity, where the walls were thin as paper and everyone observed a strict noise curfew so as not to curtail studying.

Balfour had said things were different at night, and indeed they seemed so. The sound of a piano floated down the hallway, scattered and abstract as though it were a tune someone was picking out of his very own head, which explained why I didnat recognize it. Over the music were layered voices: the airmen, in what seemed to be either fourteen different conversations, or one very large and tenuous argument. Every now and then, the voices would be punctuated by a bout of raucous laughter, and someone called something to do with points, which I understood to mean they were playing some sort of game.

More than anythinga"for the sake of completeness and my notesa"I wished there were some way to observe them in this state, obviously much closer than the separate irritability of the morning. I wasnat foolish enough to think, however, that my presence would be welcomed, or even tolerated, and I had no more of a mind to invite a show of open hostility than I did to tear up my notes and sleep like a baby.

I stayed where I was, on the couch as if rooted there, though my progress in transcribing went much more slowly with the noise. Once or twice I thought I heard a feminine voice, high and t.i.ttering along with the rest, for of course there were no rules regarding a female presence in the Airman. I wondered if any of the ladies present that night was the owner of the undergarments Iad nearly tripped over my first day. I wondered how any woman could come here and not be disgusted by the utter male essence of the place, and how they didnat feel, upon entering, like foreigners on the brink of some strange and distant land of squalor.

Either they were exceedingly silly, or I was missing somethinga"some small and hidden quality that made the airmen appealing.

At that moment, a voice unmistakable in its arrogance crowed victoriously above the rest. aWinner takes the redhead!a The common room erupted in noise, booted feet stamping the floor, hands slapping the walls or the tables, or any surface they could reach by the sound of things.

I finished my notes, final punctuation jabbed with slightly more emphasis than was needed. The first set I folded, placed them inside a notebook so that they wouldnat crease. The second set I slipped into an opening Iad sliced into the lining of my very first suitcase, which Iad come into possession of when Iad still been living in Molly. A safe hiding place could mean the difference between whether you ate or not the next day. I didnat know how effective the tricks would be, but the best experiment was a live one, I felt.

Then, despite my best efforts and the noise emanating from the common room, I eventually drifted into a restless sleep.

When I awoke, my first set of notes had been transformed into a rather generous pair of papier-mch b.r.e.a.s.t.s affixed to my chest. The b.r.e.a.s.t.s themselves proved rather difficult to remove, the properties of flourplaster not being adapted for the curious particularities of human skin. The sound of giggling haunted me all morning.

aYouave got to sign up in advance for a shower,a Ghislain pointed out when I exited, feeling soggy and humiliated.

Theyad told me and Iad completely forgotten, I realized with a pang of shame. There was no point in doing this at all if I wasnat going to do it right, or if I was going to lose what little regard they held for me by making them wait for showers.

aMy apologies,a I said, in what I hoped was a tone that conveyed my sincerity. Ghislain was very large and seemed quite clever enough that he could kill me and have it look an accident. aI hope youave not been waiting long.a He shrugged broad shoulders before he smiled with a flash of white teeth, bright and mocking. aI thought they looked rather nice on you,a he said.

The next morning when I awoke, my hand felt strange, and a little wet. Following Balfouras advice however, did not lend me that much help, as further examination found a large pan of what might conceivably have started out as warm water at my bedsidea"well, couchsidea"and my hand submersed in it.

aOh no,a I said, quiet and desperate for this all to be a dream. Surely it was a dream, and grown men did not indulge in this circus-ring behavior. aNo, no, no.a A crack of laughter, sharp like a whip, snapped past my head from above. If this were truly a nightmare, it was doing its job with marvelous attention to detail.

aHeas p.i.s.sed himself.a Rook stood over the couch, eyes glinting with such a malicious amus.e.m.e.nt that I had to look away. aHeas not even twelve; heas a baby.a Shortly thereafter I found myself in the unenviable position of having a long discussion with Chief Sergeant Adamo regarding the laundry services for the Airman, what const.i.tuted a true aemergency,a and no, I could not have my own room with a door that locked.

aFourteen rooms, fourteen men,a Adamo said gruffly, in a tone that brooked no argument.

For the sake of my dignity, I had to try anyway. aWell, well what about the common room? That private one. Itas got a locking door on it.a He leaned forward, raised one thick eyebrow. aIf you want to be the one to tell the men whatas the reason they canat bring their entertainment home with them. Of course, if it were me, Iad consider the fact that might make them mad enough to take the whole door down.a aAh,a I said weakly. I hadnat considered that.

aDoor wonat stop them,a he continued. From his tone alone, I couldnat tell whether he was trying to be kind, merely informative, or whether he was trying to scare me. aNot if theyave really got a mind for doing whatever theyave got into their heads.a aI see. Yes.a I was starting to get a clearer picture of what my stay in the Airman would be like, and the picture had very bleak colors.

aNothing,a Adamo said finally, astops them. Not in the air, not on the ground. Best to remember it.a I nodded, eager to excuse myself from the conversation. It was a piece of information I would have to remember, write down, even as I wanted to protest that I was not a Ke-Han campaign, that such blind hammering force was not acceptable with civilians as it was with the Ke-Han warriors.

The problem with the airmen, I noted, seated in a welter of blankets on the floor while the couch was out being cleaned, seemed to be simply that they were men who had been trained in a specialized kind of behavior, for a specialized kind of environment, and no one had thought to mention that such behavior was unacceptable outside the bounds of that environment itself. It was a common enough phenomenon among soldiers returning from the war, or prisoners released from long captivity.

I began to realize the extent of what Iad been charged witha"the rehabilitation of a group of men who had no idea they were in need of rehabilitation at all. As I couldnat very well quit, I had two options open to me. Either Iad soon be very successful, lauded throughout the city as a man whoad accomplished the unprecedented, or Iad soon be dead, from my own shame or something more immediately physical. And then it wouldnat matter.

When I woke up on the fifth day, theyad stolen my clothes and put them under the showers.