Swell Foop Part 13

"Your talent is, as I remember, voice projection. Could that be entertaining?"

"Why, I suppose it could," he said, startled.

"And perhaps I will be able to provide interesting information." She glanced at Unpun. "But I'm not sure what-"

"He is covered," Justin said quickly.

"I am?" Unpun asked.

"To be sure. Now how can we find a centaur?"

"I understand it is merely necessary to announce your desire to trade."

Justin shrugged. He faced the blue mist and spoke loudly. "We are three visitors to Ptero who would like to exchange favors with centaurs. One of us is a zombie."

Suddenly there was the sound of the beating of hooves. Three centaurs galloped out of the north. They came to a halt before the visitors. "Shall we exchange introductions?" the male inquired.

"By all means. I am Justin Tree, this is Princess Ida, and this is Unpun Zombie. We are from Xanth proper."

The centaur nodded. "I am Ca.s.saunova Centaur, this is Ca.s.saundra Centaur, and this is Catarrh Zombie Centaur."

"Those are interesting names," Justin said.

"I have the ambition to be every filly's lover, but lack the ability," Ca.s.saunova said.

"And I have no power of prophecy, but others think I do," Ca.s.saundra said.

"I lost my talent when I became a zombie," Catarrh said. "It was not a nice one anyway."

Justin decided not to inquire. "We wish to go to the pun-kin patch. Can you convey us there?"

Ca.s.saunova glanced at the other centaurs. "We can, but would prefer not to. That is in one of the worst of the comic strips. The puns are ferocious."

"They would be," Justin agreed. "Nevertheless, we must go there. Our mission is rather important."

Ca.s.saunova turned to Ca.s.saundra. "Do you foresee a problem?"

"There you go again!" she exclaimed. "I have no power of-"

"I'm sure he meant it figuratively," Justin said quickly. "He does not wish to make an exchange of favors that might cause you distress."

"Exactly," Ca.s.saunova agreed as quickly.

"Oh." Ca.s.saundra seemed momentarily fl.u.s.tered. "No, no problem other than distaste. The puns are so thick there it's hard to avoid stepping on them. Have you ever had to sc.r.a.pe a squished pun off your hoof?"

"I'm sure it's a horrible experience," Justin said. "But as it happens, our mission relates. We may be able to commence alleviation of that situation."

She glanced sidelong at him. "You seem to be a fair hand at expression."

"That has on occasion been intimated."

She glanced at the other two centaurs. "Let's do it. They should be interesting to converse with."

Ca.s.saunova nodded. "Turn we now to negotiation. We offer to transport the three of you rapidly to the pun-kin patch. What favors do you offer in return?"

"A modic.u.m of entertainment, perhaps," Justin said, projecting his voice so that it seemed to emanate from behind the centaurs.

All three turned to look, but of course there was nothing there.

"My talent is projection of my voice," Justin said, this time projecting it to a spot over their heads. "I thought it might amuse you." Then he made a dirty sound behind Catarrh's tail, and an ugh sound from before Ca.s.saunova's face, as though he had spoken it.

The male centaur smiled. He of course had no foibles about natural functions, but appreciated the humor. "I will carry you, if you continue that entertainment while we travel."

"Agreed."

"You act as if something funny occurred," Unpun said sourly.

"It did," Ca.s.saundra said.

"Oh. Thank you for informing me."

The filly turned to Ida. "You strongly remind me of someone. Have we met before?"

"Have you encountered a woman with an orbiting moon?"

"Not directly, but I do know of one. But her moon is in the shape of a foursided pyramid. Yours is spherical."

"That would be that version of me who exists on this world. I understand that each version has a satellite of different shape."

"That surely accounts for my thought," Ca.s.saundra agreed. "What favor are you prepared to exchange for transport?"

"I thought I might provide information on the relation between Ptero and Xanth."

"We already know that Ptero is a derivative of Xanth," the centaur said. "We are the souls of all creatures possible."

Ida nodded. "Perhaps I have no information of interest to you. I had not antic.i.p.ated this, because I had never expected to be on this world. I had no ideas about partic.i.p.ating in it."

Ca.s.saundra considered. "I wonder whether your moon can help. It is of course the soul of our own world, Ptero; we normally are unable to see it as a sphere. It is responsive?"

"Why, I don't know," Ida said, as her moon hid behind her head. "On Xanth it is, but there it is this world. I don't know how perfectly its soul duplicates the original."

"Surely as competently as our souls duplicate our larger existences," Justin said.

"Let's find out," the centaur said. "Soul-Ptero, come forward."

The moon swung hesitantly to the centaur's side.

"Do you emulate your larger self perfectly?"

The moon bobbed up and down.

"I take that as yes," Ca.s.saundra said. "Can you answer questions?" The moon bobbed again.

"Are your answers accurate?"

A third bob.

"Better try a negative," Ca.s.saunova murmured. Justin knew why: The bobbing might be mindless.

"Are the creatures on your surface different from those of our world?"

Now the moon swung from side to side, indicating no.

"Do you know the outcome of your group's mission here?"

Another side swing.

"If that mission fails, will all be well?"

The moon turned dark and blistered as it swung.

That made them all take note. It indicated destruction.

"And if the mission succeeds?"

The moon turned bright and alive again.

Ca.s.saundra nodded. "I believe I will accept this demonstration as a sufficient exchange favor. I will convey you to your destination."

Now Catarrh Centaur addressed Unpun. "You are a zombie, like me. What favor do you offer for your transport to the pun-kin patch?"

"None," Unpun said. "I don't want to go there."

"Why is this?"

"Because my love is there, making awful puns, polluting the region. I lost my sense of humor, and can't stand to be among them."

"I should clarify that his humor would be recovered, if our mission succeeds," Justin said. "If he returns to life, he will resume abolis.h.i.+ng puns. That is his talent."

All three centaurs were interested. "He could thin out the dreadful glut?" Catarrh asked.

"Yes," Justin agreed. "But as it is, lacking his humor, he doesn't want to go near that glut."

"We appreciate his position," Ca.s.saunova said.

"Yet we also appreciate the need to restore this man to life and talent," Ca.s.saundra said.

"For the good of our realm, I will convey you to the pun-kin patch," Catarrh said to Unpun.

"No!" Unpun walked away.

"I did not ask your agreement," Catarrh said, walking after the zombie. He picked Unpun up and set him on his back.

Because of the position, Unpun was mounted facing back. "I won't go."

The centaur started walking. Ca.s.saunova and Ca.s.saundra quickly helped the other two mount facing forward, and paced the other. They ignored Unpun's continued protests. It was evident that the zombie lacked the ability to dismount without help, so he was stuck.

"Nicely accomplished," Justin murmured.

"We are not stupid," Ca.s.saunova murmured back, in a polite understatement. No centaur was slow, let alone stupid.

The centaurs galloped not east or west, but north, so age was no problem. That was a private relief to Justin, for though he was technically over a century old, so was proof against much problem of youth, he wasn't sure of the others. Also, he had been a man for only the past two years; would he revert to being a tree beyond that point? That would surely complicate things. It was better simply to remain their present ages.

Justin projected his voice. "h.e.l.lo, party," a pa.s.sing fudge nut tree seemed to say.

"That's so clever," Ca.s.saundra said with a brief laugh.

"Thank you," a green ant hill said in Justin's voice.

Then they pa.s.sed a mean-looking tangle tree. Its tentacles quivered expectantly, for their path was uncomfortably close to it. "Oh, I am about to fall into that tree!" Justin's voice said right behind it. The tree's tentacles whipped around to the rear, grabbing at air, as their party got by. It had been deceived for just that time necessary to secure their safety.

"Admirable," Ca.s.saunova said.

A stray thought occurred. "I am, as you know, new to this realm," Justin said. "So this may be a stupid question."

"Stupid questions we are prepared to deal with," the centaur said. "It is stupid answers that disturb us."

"Since everything imaginable exists here on Ptero, are there duplicates of the three of us?"

"Certainly. But we don't encourage meetings, as they can lead to paradox."

"Paradox?"

"You of Xanth proper are not supposed to know your futures, unless you patronize some approved divination or other magic. If you travel into your own future here, where time is geography, you may learn things you should not."

"That is a reasonable proscription," Justin agreed regretfully. He had been curious about the outcome of their present mission, but one whiff of paradox might spoil an otherwise acceptable outcome.

"I have answered a question, perhaps unsatisfactorily," the centaur said. His tone was low, so that his voice did not carry far.

"And I should answer one in return," Justin said, remembering that nothing was done here without an exchange. "With whatever ac.u.men is feasible."

"Have you any insight on interpersonal relations?"

"Very little, I fear. I was a tree, until I met Breanna of the Black Wave. She soon took me away from all that."

"I would like to have more of a relations.h.i.+p with Ca.s.saundra, but she doesn't take me seriously. We gallop together, but go no farther, as it were."

"She a.s.sumes that your ambition with respect to every filly makes her merely one of an innumerable number."