Swell Foop Part 7

"Then maybe you need an M-path."

"A what?"

"It's a path that feels what you need, and takes you there."

"But I already know where I'm going."

"But you don't know how to get there without getting into trouble."

Breanna nodded. "Right. So how do I get an M-path?"

"I just happen to have one here." The demoness reached into her own bosom, rummaged around elbow deep, and came up with a small length of tape. She presented this to Breanna.

"This is it? I can't walk on this."

"Just hold it in front of you and follow the glowing M."

"Oh." Breanna tried it, turning around while holding the tape. Sure enough, the M brightened in one direction. She went that way. Soon they came to a hall intersection, and the M brightened to the right. She followed it, and soon it brightened to the right again. When the path intersected a hall they had already been through, Breanna halted. "This thing's going in circles!"

"No it isn't," Metria said. "It's always right."

"But what if I need to go left?"

"It makes three right turns."

"Oh," Breanna said again. It did turn out that the M-path led across the hall and through a new one. It had made a looping left turn.

They continued until they came to a washroom. There the path ended.

Breanna looked around it. "I can't find any continuation from here," she said, frustrated.

"It must be here, then," Metria said. "Hidden."

They looked all around the small chamber, but found no ring. There was a pitcher of water, and a basin, a washcloth, and a towel, and that was all.

"It must have been here, and then been lost," Xeth suggested.

"But my sense of it indicated it was here!"

"It could have been here for centuries, leaving its trace, and been taken yesterday," Metria said. "We don't know how current your perception is."

Breanna wasn't sure she understood that, but certainly the Ring was not to be found. "So what do we do now?"

"We can ask Professor Grossclout," Xeth said.

"No!" Breanna and Metria said together.

"But who else might know?"

"Well, there's Ersup," Metria said. "She looks in her purse to find something personal about whoever she concentrates on."

"Would that help me find the Ring of Fire?"

"It should, if it's personal."

Breanna was dubious, but game. "Okay. Where's Ersup?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen her in months."

Breanna did her best not to explode. "You're a big help!"

"Thank you."

Breanna pondered. "Xeth, you say this Ring controls Com Pewter too?"

"Yes, he is demonic."

"He knows a lot, and I get along with him okay. I'll ask him."

"Those infernal machines are not to be trusted," Metria said.

"Neither are demons," Breanna retorted.

"How can you say that? I am a ghost."

"You're a what?"

"Apparition, specter, spook, phantasm, ghastly-"

"Aghast!" Breanna exclaimed, making the devious connection.

"Whatever," the demoness agreed crossly. "We demons can be trusted to be perfectly demonly."

"Which is to say, devious."

"True. So why trust a demon machine?"

"Because I set him up with his girlfriend, Com Pa.s.sion. She'd be annoyed if he played me false."

Metria nodded. "Helm has no fury like that of a female annoyed."

That seemed close enough, considering. "So can you take us to Pewter-and if so, will you?"

"Of course I can, and will." She fuzzed into smoke. The smoke enclosed them, then dissipated.

There was Com Pewter's screen before them. TO WHAT DO I OWE THE DUBIOUS PLEASURE OF THIS VISIT BY GIRL, ZOMBIE, AND DEMONESS? the screen printed.

"We have a problem," Breanna said. "I need to find the Ring of Fire to save Xanth from a loss of gravity."

BUT XANTH HAS NO GRAVITY, ONLY HUMOR.

"Gravity as in staying on the ground. The Demon Earth's lost, and his gravity is fading. The Ring of Fire is supposed to be in a demon washroom, but I can't find it. Can you help me?"

NO.

Breanna was used to this. "Can you direct me to any person, creature, thing, or idea that can, and if so-?"

Another machine appeared beside Pewter. ?? Why, h.e.l.lo, dear mortal girl ?? the new screen scripted.

"h.e.l.lo, Com Pa.s.sion!" Breanna replied.

You must meet our offspring A third machine appeared, smaller than the other two.

"You have a baby!" Breanna exclaimed, delighted. "What's his name?"

Its screen lighted. ? com ponent ?

"h.e.l.lo, Ponent," Breanna said. "Welcome to the club." The small screen brightened and turned pink. The little machine was a bit shy as yet.

Breanna turned back to Pa.s.sion. "I need to find the Ring of Fire, and it's not where it is supposed to be. Can you help me?"

No Pa.s.sion scripted with evident regret.

Her spirits sinking, Breanna tried once more. "Ponent, maybe you can help me. Where do you think I should look for the Ring of Fire?"

? will you take a cookie? ?

"A cookie?" Breanna asked, surprised.

??He insists on giving out cookies ? Pa.s.sion scripted fondly.

"Young folk do like cookies," Xeth reminded Breanna.

"For sure! But I thought they liked getting them, not giving them."

MACHINES DON'T EAT THINGS Pewter printed.

??Once you accept his cooking, he will always know you. ?

"Oh. Okay, Ponent, give me your cookie."

An oblong image of a cookie appeared on the little screen. Breanna reached down, and it jumped onto her hand. It was decorated like a printed circuit board, with a pastry foundation, colored sugar wires, and raisin resistors. She took a byte, and it was delicious. "Thank you. Now what is your input on the Ring of Fire?"

The little screen flickered as the machine pondered. Then it steadied. ? i dont have big data banks yet so i have to figure things out a little at a time. i think if you cant find it where its supposed to be and it isnt where it isnt supposed to be it must be hidden where its supposed to be so you cant find it so you should look again maybe harder. ?

Breanna considered. "Does that makes sense?" she asked the others.

DOUBTFUL.

POSSIBLY.

"Ludicrous!" Metria snapped.

"Yes," Xeth said.

"Well, it makes sense to me," Breanna decided. "I'm going to go look again."

"I'll take you back," Metria said. "I love to see mortals make fools of themselves in vain quests."

"Thank you, Ponent," Breanna said. "I'll go look harder."

Then the demoness smoked up a cloud and transported them back to the demon's bathroom.

It was unchanged. The towel and cloth still hung by the wall, and the pitcher and basin remained on the counter. No Ring.

"Why do demons have a washroom?" Xeth asked.

Metria laughed. "It's a joke! Demons don't need to wash. We just fuzz into smoke and leave the dirt behind."

"So this is for mortal visitors?" Breanna asked.

"We hardly ever have visitors. So it's just a wasted chamber."

"Yet my sense tells me the Ring of Fire is here. Why should it be in a useless room?" Then she paused, a dim bulb blinking over her head. "So it won't be disturbed! No one ever comes here. It must be here!"

"Except that it obviously isn't," Metria said dourly.

"Said how?" Xeth asked.

"Dreary, dismal, forbidding, morose, dolorous-"

"It was the correct word the first time!" Breanna snapped.

They both looked abashed. "Sorry about that," the demoness said.

Breanna focused on the room. "We have to look harder. It must be here, only we can't see it."

"Sometimes the obvious is confusing as hades," Metria said. "That's the way it is in Grossclout's cla.s.s. I remember when he demanded that we figure out why new human adults don't have magic talents, and washed me out when I missed it. I didn't realize it was a trick question."

Breanna was distracted for a moment, despite her better judgment. "But Mundanes don't have talents in Xanth. I'm the only exception I know of, and I made a special deal. It's because you have to be delivered into magic, not into science."

"You'd have flunked out too."

"But everyone knows-"

"The Demon Professor says everyone has mush for brains."

"But none of the Black Wave had talents when we came to Xanth. I didn't. Only the children who were delivered here later. So I know from personal experience that-"