Swell Foop Part 8

"The interpretation of personal experience is mush, he says. This time he proved it."

"Proved it? How?"

"By bringing in a Mundane mortal man with a magic talent as Exhibit A. His talent was metallergy."

"You mean metallurgy?" Breanna asked, trying to cut short the multiple alternatives sequence. "Working with metals?"

"No. Met-allergy. His metalwork made folk sneeze."

"And he had immigrated from Mundania? The talent had grown after he lived here? I find that hard to believe."

"Me too," Xeth said.

"It turns out that magic infuses new Mundane folk too slowly to show until time has pa.s.sed. So they think they have no talents, and stop looking for them. Children respond much more rapidly, so their talents show sooner. The professor says that anyone who has lived in Xanth for more than five years has a talent, if he only knew it."

"I'll be bleeped!" Breanna exclaimed. "I never thought of that!"

"Typical mush-filled skull."

"I guess so. But how come the word hasn't gotten out?"

"It's just one of those obscure facts Grossclout uses to flunk unwary students. n.o.body's interested."

"Maybe no demons are. But I'll bet most mortals would be. I'll have to tell them to look, after this mission is done." Then Breanna brought herself back to business. "So maybe this is another mush case. I just have to see that Ring. By clearing the mush out of my thick skull."

"You got it, mushmind." The demoness formed momentarily into a big steaming bowl of cornmeal mush.

"Okay, I'm trying to look with a new perspective. To see whatever I missed before." Breanna crossed and uncrossed her eyes, looking around.

"But we can see everything," Xeth protested. "The pitcher, the basin, the dirt-ring where the basin sat-everything."

Breanna's jaw dropped half a notch. "The dirt-ring! That's a Ring."

"But not the one we want," Metria said.

"I wonder." Breanna approached the counter. She put her finger to the ring of dirt-and felt something hot. She closed her hand on it, and lifted-and the entire Ring came up. It was hot because little flames were dancing around it, though they did not actually burn her hand. As it moved it shrank until it was the size of a finger ring. "Got it!"

"It was masquerading as dirt!" Metria said, amazed.

"It was there all the time," Xeth agreed. "My mind was mush."

"Mine too," Metria agreed.

"And it was Com Ponent who put us on to it," Breanna agreed. "All it took was a little elementary reasoning." She put the Ring on her little finger, where it fit perfectly. The flames continued to flicker without burning her flesh. There was no doubt about the ident.i.ty of the Ring of Fire.

"It fooled me," Metria said. "I thought it would look-"

"The way it does now," Xeth agreed. "So did I."

"For sure," Breanna agreed, well satisfied. "We were all mushbrains. But you really helped, with your story of that cla.s.s lesson. That got just enough mush out." She looked around, invigorated. "Now I want to go home to Castle Zombie and get married."

CHAPTER 4: RING OF EARTH.

Che Centaur looked at the gathering of zombies. Which one should he choose as a guide? Breanna was already departing with King Xeth.

"I'll take you," Zyzzyva Zombie said. "Mine is the Ring of Earth."

"I thought I might look for the Ring of Air, since I can fly."

"No, that's for Sim. Anyway, they don't have to match up that way."

That made sense. "Very well. Where is it?"

"The Good Magician has it."

"Humfrey? But then he could have given it to Cynthia when he gave her the Service."

"No. He does not know where he has it, and he did not realize it would be necessary." She spoke with no detectable impediment, and there was no rot visible on her; she was an extremely fresh zombie. She was also a warrior woman, carrying a short sword, and she looked very fit generally.

"Very well. I will take you there."

She got on his back, and she was lithe and light, no problem to carry. Of course it was no problem to carry anyone who could stay mounted, since he flicked them light anyway. He did so, first flicking her, then flicking himself, so that they were light enough to fly. Then he spread his wings and took off.

"Oh, it's nice up here!" she exclaimed, exactly like a tourist. "I seldom have the chance to fly. That is why I wanted to go with you or Cynthia: to have that chance."

"This is a serious mission," Che reminded her. "Not an entertainment jaunt."

"I know it. Nevertheless, I can appreciate the wonder of flight better than most zombies, being better preserved, and probably am less onerous for you to carry."

She had a point. Che prided himself on being open-minded, but contact with far-gone zombies did not especially appeal. Now he appreciated the Land of Xanth anew as it spread out below them, seeing it through her eyes, as it were.

Indeed, it was beautiful, with green and yellow forests interspersed by blue and silver lakes and brown and red fields-and here and there an old gray mountain poked its head up, surrounded by its child mountains who did not yet reach its height. They would surely get there in time; mountains were slow to achieve maturity. Overhead the sun floated serenely on, radiating rays of contentment. It was a nice day.

"What is that?" Zyzzyva inquired.

Che looked. There was a small cloud to the side, moving swiftly to intercept their flight path. "A mischievous juvenile cloud, I think."

"That's interesting. I have a much clearer view of it from up here." Zyzzyva twisted around to get a better view. Her body was fit and firm; she was a warrior la.s.s, and he could feel it as she moved. He wondered whether she had been killed in battle; if so, she must have given a good account of herself. "Are those pigtails?"

Che looked again. Sure enough, there were two vapor streamlets trailing behind, with misty bows at their ends. "It's a girl cloud."

The cloud got before them and began to huff and puff into a gray glob. There was an internal rumble, and lightning flashed. "She's trying to block us off," Zyzzyva said indignantly.

"Now I think I recognize her att.i.tude," Che said. "A chip off the old cloud block."

"What block?"

"Fracto. He caught and married Happy Bottom, a storm from Mundania. They stay mostly in the Region of Air, but this one must have sneaked out of the nursery."

"Oh, yes-that encounter happened while I was still alive. The Land of Xanth almost got blown away."

"Fortunately Fracto decided to help."

A face formed on the cloud. It looked at them. Then the mouth opened, sucking in air.

"She is about to blow us away!" Zyzzyva said, alarmed.

"Fray!" Che called loudly. "Does your mother know where you are?"

The cloud choked on her breath, and her pigtails flounced. She scudded hastily away, leaving tiny b.a.l.l.s of vapor behind.

"They're so cute when they're little," Zyzzyva said. "I hope I can get the stork's attention soon."

"Surely you will," Che said encouragingly.

They reached the Good Magician's Castle. Che was heading in for a landing on the roof, but unexpectedly lost elevation. He must have recovered too much weight, and was falling. He flicked his tail repeatedly to lighten his body, but it had no effect. Something was wrong.

"Hang on!" he cried. "Crash landing!"

Fortunately there was a large pillow bush growing beside the moat. He was able to steer for it, and landed with a dull whomp! Zyzzyva slid off his back, but seemed to be all right. Zombies were hard to hurt, even the well-preserved ones; it was part of their magic.

"I don't know what went wrong," he gasped. "Suddenly I lost my power of flight."

"No harm done," she said. "We can cross the bridge."

But as they approached the drawbridge, a group of five men appeared. They were bright colors, and were armed with a.s.sorted weapons. They arrayed themselves before the bridge in militaristic manner.

"That's a defensive platoon," Zyzzyva said. "We'll have to fight them."

"But I didn't come here to fight!" Che protested. "I just want to find the Ring of Earth."

"Maybe we can reason with them, then." She walked ahead, approaching the group. "We are here on important business. Please let us through to see the Good Magician."

"No," the orange man said, looking quickly around. He had large bright eyes.

"Who are you?" she asked, evidently nettled.

"I am Vita Man A. These are my companions, B, C, D, and E. Now go away, zombie."

Zyzzyva glanced back at Che. "I did ask them nicely," she said.

"Let me try." Che stepped forward. "It is urgent that we speak with Magician Humfrey. Please let us pa.s.s, or notify him that we are here."

"If you persist, we shall drive you off, crossbreed."

Che was getting a bit nettled himself. "But this can't wait. We have to find the-"

The orange man drew his sword and swung at Che. But Zyzzyva moved faster. Her own sword whistled as it moved. The orange man's head flew off his body.

Astonished, they both stared. "I thought he would dodge or block," Zyzzyva said.

"That annoys me," the Vita man said. He sheathed his sword, bent down to pick up his head, and set it back on his neck. Then he drew the sword again.

"He's a zombie!" Zyzzyva exclaimed. "He can't be killed."

"But he's not rotting."

"True. Xeth and I are the only zombies with no visible rot. So he must be a golem. An animated thing, not a real man. Curious to find organisms like that here."

"Do you know what?" Che asked. "I believe this is a Challenge! That's why I lost the power of flight."

"But we're not coming here as querents. We have legitimate business."

"There must be a mistake. But if we want to get in, it seems we must fathom the Challenges."

"I am not good at fathoming, since I died."

"Fortunately I haven't died. We simply have to figure out what is required."

"What is required is clearing these obnoxious men out of our way."

"There is surely a way without chopping them up, since that doesn't seem to hurt them."

"Very well. You fathom it, and if that doesn't work, I will chop them to small enough pieces so that we can cross before they get themselves back together."

"I don't think that's the proper way."

"What, are you a pacifist?"

Che hadn't thought about that. "I suppose I do try to find the most expedient solution to any problem. The Good Magician's Challenges generally do have some nonviolent way through, and I think it behooves us to find it."

"Well, it's your quest," she said doubtfully.

"If I can't find it, then we'll try your way."

"Fair enough."

Che considered. The five Vita men were five different colors. Did that mean anything?

"They look good enough to eat," Zyzzyva said. "Too bad I no longer have to eat."

"Eat!" Che said. "Vitamins!"