Bad Habits Part 18

Closing her laptop and putting it up, she returned to bed. Keith's body warmth drew her. Though he wasn't one to snuggle, she moved in close to him. He didn't move.

"G'night, Keith," she said sadly, then closed her eyes and tried to go as well-secretly thinking of gardening and water hose fights with her new friend.

Chapter Eleven.

Mondays Kim "Special delivery." Maggie set the greasy brown paper bag on the counter.

Kim set down the file folders. Thanks to the twenty-car pile up everyone was working doubles and she wouldn't get off until midnight. Worse than that, she'd have to return tomorrow for her next s.h.i.+ft at eight in the morning. Eating was a luxury. Thankfully, the small budget she managed called for her to order dinner for her nurses. Tonight, there were five on her floor.

"Smells good. Where's everybody?"

"Some went downstairs to the cafe."

Kim frowned. "Downstairs, but I ordered this food."

"Thai. Everyone is sick of Thai, Kim. Murphy had food catered in for the nurses and the medics. Catered in from Christine's, since we got so many on rotation."

Kim blinked. Murphy was so tight on the budget that Kim had to constantly report receipts from the till with the name of every nurse that ate. "Wow, okay. I didn't know."

"Me and Gwen have it this round. You go and eat. Then relieve us, okay?" Maggie smiled.

"Thanks."

Kim picked up the dinner and headed out. She walked toward the elevators but eventually stopped. She looked back up the hall. Was he downstairs with the rest of them eating or in surgery saving someone's life? She hadn't seen him since earlier. She doubled back with the hot bag of Thai warming her palms through the take out bag. She knocked and then opened his door. She was pleasantly surprised to find him seated behind his desk.

"Busy?"

He looked up, his eyes red and weepy. Was he as tired as she? She bet he hadn't had a thing to eat.

"No, come in," he said with a soft sigh.

"You look exhausted."

"Just got out of surgery. Patient didn't make it."

Kim paused. The way he said didn't make it, hit her hard. They all knew the score-doctors saved some but lost more, but no matter what, on a day like today, they never kept count. A man with his reputation should have ironclad armor to s.h.i.+eld his emotions. This patient's death showed the first sign of weakness in Mathew since she'd met him.

"Then I came at the right time. Dinner," she said, closing the door behind her. He looked to the offering then to her. She smiled, walking over to his desk. Opening the top, she removed the Styrofoam containers. "I have Pad See-Yew."

"Pod did what?" he frowned.

Kim chuckled. "Pan-fried noodles with broccoli, black soy beans and eggs."

"Yuck. I'm a country boy, sweetheart. You got any fried chicken in there?"

Kim shook her head, taking out one container then the next. "How about this, drunken noodles?"

She looked to him and saw interest in his eyes. "What are they drunk off of?"

"Cute. It's actually spicy noodles, pan-fried with chili, garlic, bamboo shoots, bell peppers, and sweet basil."

He shook his head no.

"Oh c'mon, try it first." She opened the container and let the spicy fragrance pull him in.

"Too much food. Isn't this the nurse's dinner?" he asked.

"Murphy ordered catering. Everyone's downstairs. If you don't like Thai-"

"It's fine," he said and reached for a plastic wrapped fork. "Thanks."

Kim pulled the chair up close, taking a seat. "Sorry about your patient. What happened? Which one?"

"You don't want to know. Trust me."

"I do. It helps to talk about it." She gave him a supportive smile. "Talk to me. You aren't the only good listener you know."

He forked noodles, ignoring the question at first. She understood. She wasn't quite forthcoming with her pain. So she waited him out, eating with him in silence in several minutes. His eyes lifted to hers. "Three year-old with skull fractures, broken ribs and a lacerated kidney. Took the worst of it in the car accident. We couldn't stop the internal bleeding. The kid put up a h.e.l.luva fight though." His voice trailed off. He sighed, sitting back. "He died on the operating table. Just got through telling the mother and came here to get my head back in it."

Kim lowered the fork. "Oh, Mathew, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well it's the fourth death today. I saved one, lost three. It never ends well, these things."

"But you do save some. You're a good doctor. Everyone here knows it."

"Right, and sometimes I believe it."

"Can I share something with you?" she asked. His eyes went to hers. Suddenly that maternal urge to comfort him was so strong she nearly rose from her chair and went to him. She resisted. He nodded for her to go on. "My first day at Mercy, a seven year old was rushed into emergency-car accident. Mother was hysterical, screaming and crying, refusing medical attention, saying it was all her fault. I had to give her something to calm her just to get the facts. She told me that she always did the right thing. Was always careful, but this one time. It was the one time that could cost her, her child. She used to make her seven year old and four year old ride in the back seat of the car. The little girl wanted to ride in the front seat. According to the mother, she begged her daily for that privilege. That day she caved, strapped her in and took a short trip from her house to the grocery store. A car hit them. The airbag deployed. It saved her life but it blinded and paralyzed the little girl."

Kim swallowed hard on the story. The one she always carried with her. "I cried with her, held her, listened to her and helped her gain enough strength to see the victory. As hard as it was, she had hope. Her daughter was alive. Her four year old was alive, and she was alive. Afterwards, I went home and told Dennis nursing wasn't for me. I was done. What kind of nurse comes in and cries her heart out over the very first patient?" She smiled, emotional and looked up at Mathew. "You know what my husband said?"

"Tell me."

"He said the day you don't feel anything for your patients is the day you quit. He said the only kind of nurse he ever wants helping him is the kind that cries and finds the miracle in a tragedy." Kim sat forward. "He said I was what Mercy needed. And I'm saying it to you now, Mathew. You fought for that baby in that operating room, and you fought hard. You did it because you're good, you care and you can help. What mother would want anything less when her child's life is on the line?"

"I'm not quitting, Kim," he chuckled, forking more noodles.

She blushed. "Oh I believe you. I know how hopeless things can get when we second guess ourselves. You couldn't save him, but you'll probably be able to save the next one. You know that's the joy and pain of what we do. And it doesn't stop, so we can't. Not when there are so many more miracles out there to be witnessed too. Do you understand?"

"I do. I understand that I thought you were a special woman. Now I know you are." He gave his usual wink. "Thank you, Kim."

"Now, eat a little before Murphy blows the horn, and we both are buried again."

"Kim?" Mathew said.

"Yes."

"Dennis sounds like he was quite a guy."

"He was. My best friend."

"I think that's important, you know?" he said chewing, holding her stare. "Friends. My wife and me weren't friends. We were everything but. If we had been friends, we would've been honest enough to tell each other to run the other way the day we met."

"Her loss," Kim shrugged. "My gain. I need a friend. Looking to make a permanent one out of you." She peeked up at him with a sly smile. They ate again through a comfortable silence. Her back ached, her feet ached and she had that internal itch that could be scratched by the prescription she filled and left in her purse. Still, she felt at ease, relaxed and a little content eating lunch with him. It was a feeling she wanted more than anything. "How long you staying tonight?" she asked him.

"I was supposed to leave three hours ago. Can't see it happening anytime soon now. You should probably get home to your boys."

"They're sleep. Denny had a hard time tonight. I got on the phone with him and told him about the boat ride. That seemed to go over well."

"Good, because we'll have fun."

"I hope so," she smiled, eating. "I sure do need a little fun."

"G'night, Kim."

"Night," she said. Yawning until her eyes watered, she gathered her things. She worked a full eighteen hours. There were now only six left before sunrise. It was no wonder she could barely keep her eyes open. How she wished she hadn't taken the train in to work. Her feet were killing her. Her body ached all over. Even the Thai dinner had turned on her, leaving her feeling bloated and ga.s.sy. Kim just wanted to drop in behind the wheel of her car and drive herself straight to her bed, crawl out and climb in under the covers. The only good thing was now that it was midnight; she could get some sleep before the boys woke. The twins would show her no mercy when they rose, and it would start all over again.

Sighing, she picked up her purse and walked out from behind the nurses' desk. She needed tires. The spare was still on. It would have to wait until next payday. She was pus.h.i.+ng it as it was. Shaking her head, she opened her purse to see how much she had for cab fare. Not enough.

She was screwed.

"d.a.m.n."

She walked around the corner mentally preparing herself for the long walk to catch the train. But when she neared the end of the hall, he stepped out of his office. His leather satchel thrown over his shoulder, he locked the door to his office. He was leaving? Good for him. That little break was the only one he'd had today-she was watching.

Dr. Mathew Donnelly, every patient's hero. She loved heroic men. When she met Dennis, he had arrived at a pool party she attended. Some idiot got drunk and did a flip off the diving board, hitting his head. Dennis arrived with the rescue unit. Dark, s.e.xy, commanding, the attraction was instant, especially with him in his uniform.

She smiled.

Here was the good doctor. She still liked the way he held his ground with her. There was this silent strength about him that she felt drawn to as a friend only, of course. She'd forgotten how good it was to have someone care or even believe she deserved it. He turned, and his eyes lifted to hers.

Kim sucked in a breath of courage and walked toward him instead of away. "Leaving?"

He tossed the keys up in his hand and caught them in his palm. "Time to go."

"I know. I'm so exhausted." She smiled, considering him for a minute. He looked at her with a curious glint in his eye. It was now or never. If she really was going to try to move out of her comfort zone, this was it. "So," she began, "I was just thinking about how chivalry is dead in this town."

"Really?"

Kim nodded.

"And, well I was like, I wonder what a girl could do to help the cause. Show that we New York women can appreciate a southern gent like yourself."

"Do tell." Mathew crossed his arms.

She blushed. "I figured I'd give you the honor of rescuing me from the long walk to the train station and ask for a ride home."

Mathew chuckled. "You're asking me for a ride home?"

"You know me. I'm good at telling you I don't need help. I thought I'd try the flip side of that and see if...oh it's stupid. I mean, sorry. It was a joke," she said, turning. He reached and took her by the elbow.

"Not so fast," he said, forcing her eyes to return to his. "One condition."

"Condition?"

"I drive you home and I get to take a peek in on the boys. After the day I had, I think it would be good to see their faces."

"You are willing to drive me home to get close to my kids?" she chuckled.

"Hey, don't laugh. They're the only two male friends I've made in this town."

Kim's mood brightened. "They like you too."

"So, it's a deal?"

"They're sleep, so you're safe. Lord knows if they woke and saw you, you might regret that. My boys have a hard time letting visitors go."

"I was counting on it."

Kim stepped away, and he followed. Together, they rode the elevators to the parking level. She noticed he had one of the surgeon parking spots. "So the car is still down? You take the train in?"

"No time to do the important things like buy a tire. I need to though. Driving on the spare still."

Mathew frowned. "I can do it for you. Take your car in."

"Oh I couldn't ask you to do that."

"Think about it."

She smiled. "Thanks."

He opened the door for her. Kim took his hand to step up and climb inside the white F-150 monster truck. She couldn't believe the tires on the thing. He had a gun rack to the back of it, though no guns were attached since New York outlawed them. The inside smelled of leather and stale coffee. But it was relatively clean and polished. He hopped in behind the wheel.

"Wow, now this is a truck."

"You should take a look under my hood." He shot her a s.e.xy smile.

She laughed. He turned on the radio. It was a blues station that Dennis liked. She expected country western. "What do you know about Muddy Waters?" he asked her.

"Who?"