Misalliance Part 15

THE MAN. d.a.m.n you! youre trying to keep me talking until somebody comes. _[He raises the pistol desperately, but not very resolutely]._

LINA. _[at his right elbow]_ Somebody has come.

THE MAN _[turning on her]_ Stand off. I'll shoot you if you lay a hand on me. I will, by G.o.d.

LINA. You cant cover me with that pistol. Try.

_He tries, presenting the pistol at her face. She moves round him in the opposite direction to the hands of a clock with a light dancing step. He finds it impossible to cover her with the pistol: she is always too far to his left. Tarleton, behind him, grips his wrist and drags his arm straight up, so that the pistol points to the ceiling.

As he tries to turn on his a.s.sailant, Lina grips his other wrist._

LINA. Please stop. I cant bear to twist anyone's wrist; but I must if you dont let the pistol go.

THE MAN. _[letting Tarleton take it from him]_ All right: I'm done.

Couldnt even do that job decently. Thats a clerk all over. Very well: send for your d.a.m.ned police and make an end of it. I'm accustomed to prison from nine to six: I daresay I can stand it from six to nine as well.

TARLETON. Dont swear. Thats a lady. _[He throws the pistol on the writing table]._

THE MAN. _[looking at Lina in amazement]_ Beaten by a female! It needed only this. _[He collapses in the chair near the worktable, and hides his face. They cannot help pitying him]._

LINA. Old pal: dont call the police. Lend him a bicycle and let him get away.

THE MAN. I cant ride a bicycle. I never could afford one. I'm not even that much good.

TARLETON. If I gave you a hundred pound note now to go and have a good spree with, I wonder would you know how to set about it. Do you ever take a holiday?

THE MAN. Take! I got four days last August.

TARLETON. What did you do?

THE MAN. I did a cheap trip to Folkestone. I spent sevenpence on dropping pennies into silly automatic machines and peepshows of rowdy girls having a jolly time. I spent a penny on the lift and fourpence on refreshments. That cleaned me out. The rest of the time I was so miserable that I was glad to get back to the office. Now you know.

LINA. Come to the gymnasium: I'll teach you how to make a man of yourself. _[The man is about to rise irresolutely, from the mere habit of doing what he is told, when Tarleton stops him]._

TARLETON. Young man: dont. Youve tried to shoot me; but I'm not vindictive. I draw the line at putting a man on the rack. If you want every joint in your body stretched until it's an agony to live--until you have an unnatural feeling that all your muscles are singing and laughing with pain--then go to the gymnasium with that lady. But youll be more comfortable in jail.

LINA. _[greatly amused]_ Was that why you went away, old pal? Was that the telegram you said you had forgotten to send?

_Mrs Tarleton comes in hastily through the inner door._

MRS TARLETON. _[on the steps]_ Is anything the matter, John? Nurse says she heard you calling me a quarter of an hour ago; and that your voice sounded as if you were ill. _[She comes between Tarleton and the man.]_ Is anything the matter?

TARLETON. This is the son of an old friend of mine. Mr--er--Mr Gunner. _[To the man, who rises awkwardly]._ My wife.

MRS TARLETON. Good evening to you.

GUNNER. Er-- _[He is too nervous to speak, and makes a shambling bow]._

_Bentley looks in at the pavilion door, very peevish, and too preoccupied with his own affairs to pay any attention to those of the company._

BENTLEY. I say: has anybody seen Hypatia? She promised to come out with me; and I cant find her anywhere. And wheres Joey?

GUNNER. _[suddenly breaking out aggressively, being incapable of any middle way between submissiveness and violence]_ _I_ can tell you where Hypatia is. I can tell you where Joey is. And I say it's a scandal and an infamy. If people only knew what goes on in this so-called respectable house it would be put a stop to. These are the morals of our pious capitalist cla.s.s! This is your rotten bourgeoisie! This!--

MRS TARLETON. Dont you dare use such language in company. I wont allow it.

TARLETON. All right, Chickabiddy: it's not bad language: it's only Socialism.

MRS TARLETON. Well, I wont have any Socialism in my house.

TARLETON. _[to Gunner]_ You hear what Mrs Tarleton says. Well, in this house everybody does what she says or out they go.

GUNNER. Do you suppose I want to stay? Do you think I would breathe this polluted atmosphere a moment longer than I could help?

BENTLEY. _[running forward between Lina and Gunner]_ But what did you mean by what you said about Miss Tarleton and Mr Percival, you beastly rotter, you?

GUNNER. _[to Tarleton]_ Oh! is Hypatia your daughter? And Joey is Mister Percival, is he? One of your set, I suppose. One of the smart set! One of the bridge-playing, eighty-horse-power, week-ender set!

One of the johnnies I slave for! Well, Joey has more decency than your daughter, anyhow. The women are the worst. I never believed it til I saw it with my own eyes. Well, it wont last for ever. The writing is on the wall. Rome fell. Babylon fell. Hindhead's turn will come.

MRS TARLETON. _[naively looking at the wall for the writing]_ Whatever are you talking about, young man?

GUNNER. I know what I'm talking about. I went into that Turkish bath a boy: I came out a man.

MRS TARLETON. Good gracious! hes mad. _[To Lina]_ Did John make him take a Turkish bath?

LINA. No. He doesnt need Turkish baths: he needs to put on a little flesh. I dont understand what it's all about. I found him trying to shoot Mr Tarleton.

MRS TARLETON. _[with a scream]_ Oh! and John encouraging him, I'll be bound! Bunny: you go for the police. _[To Gunner]_ I'll teach you to come into my house and shoot my husband.

GUNNER. Teach away. I never asked to be let off. I'm ashamed to be free instead of taking my part with the rest. Women--beautiful women of n.o.ble birth--are going to prison for their opinions. Girl students in Russia go to the gallows; let themselves be cut in pieces with the knout, or driven through the frozen snows of Siberia, sooner than stand looking on tamely at the world being made a h.e.l.l for the toiling millions. If you were not all skunks and cowards youd be suffering with them instead of battening here on the plunder of the poor.

MRS TARLETON. _[much vexed]_ Oh, did you ever hear such silly nonsense? Bunny: go and tell the gardener to send over one of his men to Grayshott for the police.

GUNNER. I'll go with him. I intend to give myself up. I'm going to expose what Ive seen here, no matter what the consequences may be to my miserable self.

TARLETON. Stop. You stay where you are, Ben. Chickabiddy: youve never had the police in. If you had, youd not be in a hurry to have them in again. Now, young man: cut the cackle; and tell us, as short as you can, what did you see?

GUNNER. I cant tell you in the presence of ladies.

MRS TARLETON. Oh, you are tiresome. As if it mattered to anyone what you saw. Me! A married woman that might be your mother. _[To Lina]_ And I'm sure youre not particular, if youll excuse my saying so.

TARLETON. Out with it. What did you see?

GUNNER. I saw your daughter with my own eyes--oh well, never mind what I saw.

BENTLEY. _[almost crying with anxiety]_ You beastly rotter, I'll get Joey to give you such a hiding--

TARLETON. You cant leave it at that, you know. What did you see my daughter doing?

GUNNER. After all, why shouldnt she do it? The Russian students do it. Women should be as free as men. I'm a fool. I'm so full of your bourgeois morality that I let myself be shocked by the application of my own revolutionary principles. If she likes the man why shouldnt she tell him so?