The Internet Is A Playground Part 2

You are correct and I apologize. Your last project was actually both commercially viable and original. Unfortunately, the part that was commercially viable was not original, and the part that was original was not commercially viable.

I would no doubt find your ideas more "cutting edge" and original if I had traveled forward in time from the 1950s, but as it stands, your ideas for technology-based projects that have already been put into application by other people several years before you thought of them fail to generate the enthusiasm they possibly deserve. Having said that, though, if I had traveled forward in time, my time machine would probably put your peer-to-peer networking technology to shame, because it would have not only commercial viability but also an awesome logo and accompanying pie charts.

Regardless, I have, as requested, attached a logo that represents the peer-to-peer-networking project you are currently working on and how it feels working with you in general.

Regards, David

From: Simon Edhouse Simon Edhouse Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 11:07 a.m. Tuesday 17 November 2009 11:07 a.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

You just crossed the line. You have no idea about the potential this project has. The technology allows users to network peer to peer, add contacts, share information and is potentially worth many millions of dollars and your short sightedness just cost you any chance of being involved.

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 1:36 p.m. Tuesday 17 November 2009 1:36 p.m.

To: Simon Edhouse Simon Edhouse Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

So you have invented Twitter. Congratulations. This is where that time machine would definitely have come in quite handy.

When I was about twelve, I read that time slows down when approaching the speed of light, so I constructed a time machine by securing my father's portable generator to the back of my mini-bike with rope and attaching the drive belt to the back wheel. Unfortunately, instead of traveling through time and finding myself in the future, I traveled about fifty meters along the footpath at two hundred miles per hour before finding myself in a bush. When asked by the nurse filling out the hospital accident report, "Cause of accident?" I stated, "time travel attempt," but she wrote down "stupidity."

If I did have a working time machine, the first thing I would do is go back four days and tell myself to read the warning on the hair removal cream packaging where it recommends not using on sensitive areas. I would then travel several months back to warn myself against agreeing to do copious amounts of design work for an old man wielding the business-plan equivalent of a r.e.t.a.r.ded child poking itself in the eye with a spoon, before finally traveling back to 1982 and explaining to myself the long-term photographic repercussions of going to the hairdresser and asking for a haircut exactly like Simon Le Bon's the day before a large family gathering.

Regards, David From: Simon Edhouse Simon Edhouse Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3:29 p.m. Tuesday 17 November 2009 3:29 p.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

You really are a f.u.c.king idiot and have no idea what you are talking about. The project I am working on will be more successful than twitter within a year. When I sell the project for 40 million dollars I will ignore any e-mails from you begging to be a part of it and will send you a postcard from my yaght. Ciao.

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3:58 p.m. Tuesday 17 November 2009 3:58 p.m.

To: Simon Edhouse Simon Edhouse Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design Probability of Simon selling his project for forty million dollars and sending me a postcard from his yacht

From: Simon Edhouse Simon Edhouse Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4:10 p.m. Tuesday 17 November 2009 4:10 p.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Anyone else would be able to see the opportunity I am presenting but not you. You have to be a f.u.c.king smart a.r.s.e about it. All I was asking for was a logo and a few pie charts which would have taken you a few f.u.c.king hours.

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4:25 p.m. Tuesday 17 November 2009 4:25 p.m.

To: Simon Edhouse Simon Edhouse Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

Actually, you were asking me to design a logotype, which would have taken me a few hours-and fifteen years' experience. For free. With pie charts. Usually when people don't ask me to design them a logo, pie charts, or website, I, in return, do not ask them to paint my apartment, drive me to the airport, represent me in court, or whatever it is they do for a living. Unfortunately, though, as your business model consists entirely of "Facebook is cool; I am going to make a website just like that," this non-exchange of free services has no foundation, as you offer nothing of which I won't ask for.

Regards, David From: Simon Edhouse Simon Edhouse Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4:43 p.m. Tuesday 17 November 2009 4:43 p.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

What the f.u.c.k is your point? Are you going to do the logo and charts for me or not?

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5:02 p.m. Tuesday 17 November 2009 5:02 p.m.

To: Simon Edhouse Simon Edhouse Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

From: Simon Edhouse Simon Edhouse Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5:13 p.m. Tuesday 17 November 2009 5:13 p.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Do not ever e-mail me again.

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5:19 p.m. Tuesday 17 November 2009 5:19 p.m.

To: Simon Edhouse Simon Edhouse Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

OK, good luck with your project. If you need anything, let me know.

Regards, David

From: Simon Edhouse Simon Edhouse Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5:27 p.m. Tuesday 17 November 2009 5:27 p.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Get f.u.c.ked.

Statements my offspring has made my offspring has made Sometimes I cannot work out my offspring. One moment he will state something that catches me off guard with its clarity, then the next, come out with something that causes me to think there may have been a mix-up in the hospital.

I was called into his school to speak with the teacher recently. Her statement, "He has a good sense of humor, but he is the only one that gets it," slightly concerned me. But her explanation of why he had received three detentions made me laugh, which is not the reaction she expected: Detention 1: Raised his hand during math cla.s.s and asked, "If Kate (a large girl in his cla.s.s) did not eat for five weeks, would she get skinny or die?"

Detention 2: After teachers had calmed down a very upset child, it was discovered that Seb had told her, "I heard the teachers saying that your parents died today and you are going to have to live at the school."

Detention 3: While the princ.i.p.al was explaining the "no nut policy" due to nut allergies during a school a.s.sembly, Seb yelled out, "That's a lot of nuts," after watching the movie Kung Pow Kung Pow the night before. the night before.

Money "If I had a million dollars, I would buy a house with big robot legs."

Paying $7.50 for a coffee "We should open up a shop next to that one, buy their coffees and sell them from our shop for a dollar more."

Our four-door Mazda sedan "We should paint flames on the side. Girls like cars with flames on the side. You will never get a girlfriend in a car that looks like this."

DVD rental prices "It makes no sense, this one is four dollars for a whole week and this one is six dollars for one night. It is backward. Someone should tell them."

After being offered a yogurt sample in a supermarket "She was nice. You should ask her to be your girlfriend before someone else does."

Paying for petrol "Leaves burn. Why can't we just fill our car up with them? They are free."

On being asked in an elevator what he wants to be when he grows up "Either a model or a police sniper."

Girls "You can't trust girls. When I get a girlfriend I am not going to tell her where I live or work."

On being told his mini-bike had been stolen "I hope they are riding it and the petrol tank blows up and their legs and arms get blown off, and when they are in the hospital, they think, 'I really wish I hadn't stolen that motorbike.'"

The supermarket "If they made the aisles wider we could drive our car in and grab things through the window and pay on the way out, like at McDonalds."

Regarding my being upset over a breakup "She was ugly and fat, anyway. I don't even know how you could kiss her."

Explaining the game Grand Theft Auto 4 Grand Theft Auto 4 to his grandmother to his grandmother "I don't shoot everybody, just the drug dealers and hookers."

2001: A s.p.a.ce Odyssey "This movie is so boring. I would rather be staring at the wall and holding my breath for two hours."

Static electricity "If I am standing on carpet and I get electrocuted, does everybody in the room die apart from me?"

Being told that the park belongs to everybody "We should buy a fence and make people pay us two dollars to get in."