Pet Peeve Part 13

After that, the raiders settled in. The older goblinesses became their servants and the younger ones their screaming partners. Goody did not know what was going on, but was glad to avoid it. He stayed with the girls, and never let on to anyone that he was not the same as them. In due course the boys were taken away as hostages, leaving only the girls.

A few days later a counterattack wiped out the raiders. The chief returned. Now at last it was safe for Goody to reveal his ident.i.ty. At first the chief laughed uproariously to learn how his son had outwitted the enemy. But when it became apparent that the boy's nature had changed, he was disgusted.

Reverse wood! No wonder he's so nice!

But it's not the talent.

It seems to be connected, though. Do a slow talent search.

Goody moved forward through his life, growing up despised, being tacitly exiled, and finally being upset because of the nasty Finger. His original self would have loved the Finger!

Then he opened his eyes back in the present. Hannah was holding his hand. She was the one who had given him strength and courage during the flashback.

"Are you back?" she asked.

"Yes, thank you." He glanced at their linked hands. "But I thought you didn't want to-"

She let go. "I didn't want to give the bird the satisfaction. But it was clear you needed support, and that was the only way to give it. So, as a friend would-"

"A friend," he said, liking it. "It really helped. Did you see what I saw?"

"Yes, when I was in contact with you. You had a rough time as a child."

"I hate the memory."

"Of what happened to you?"

"Of what I was originally. Those women-they were being-and I laughed, though at that age I didn't know the details, just that they were suffering."

"You are not what you were," she agreed. "You are now as nice as you were mean."

"And I don't want to change back."

"But your talent-they didn't find that."

"Yes, we did," Vortex said. "We just had to a.n.a.lyze the subtle indications near the present. It seems to be related to your infiltration by the reverse wood. At first it reversed your personality. Now it is extending to your body."

"My gender!" Goody exclaimed, alarmed. "I don't want to turn into a girl again."

"Not that. This affects your interaction with your environment. We don't properly understand it yet, perhaps because it is as yet weak, but with time and practice it will surely strengthen. It helps protect you."

"Without Hannah's protection, the parody would have gotten me killed several times over. I'm not aware of any power of my own."

"Your talent has not yet been evoked. But perhaps we can do that now. We have reviewed its parameters, and-"

"Its whats?"

"Values, scale, compa.s.s, measure, connection, degree, limits-"

"Boundaries?" Hannah asked.

"Whatever," Vortex agreed without ire. Actually his words had been accompanied by the thought concept, so Goody had garnered a working comprehension of it. "It has variable application, depending on circ.u.mstances. It's fairly sophisticated, but as yet weak. Perhaps we can demonstrate. Strike at him with your weapon."

She shook her head. "If I do that I'll cut him in half."

"Feint, then, or use a harmless weapon."

"I won't faint!"

Goody realized that she had picked up the sound without all of the meaning, being illiterate. "Make a pretend strike."

She fetched a pillow from a nearby pillow bush. "I'll bash you with this. I'll score, but it can't hurt you."

Goody stood before the tree. Hannah swung the pillow at him. It s.h.i.+ed off without quite touching him.

"That's odd." She wound it back and tried again. The second time it seemed to bounce back a bit, without quite touching him.

"Something wrong with this pillow," she said. She fetched a weed stalk instead, and poked it at him. It seemed to push back in her hand.

"Weird." She fetched a light stick and rapped at his shoulder. The stick came back at her with similar light force.

"It is repelling the weapons," Vortex explained. "Bouncing them back in the direction they come from. It seems to be related to the reverse wood, reversing the thrust."

"A bounce!" Goody said. "It really is there."

"Let me make one more test," Hannah said. "I will try just to nick you lightly." She drew her sword.

Goody was distinctly nervous about this. "I'm not sure this is wise."

She brought the sword down on his shoulder. It bounced back, just missing her own shoulder. "I felt it!" she said. "A force reflected it. You are are protected!" protected!"

"I suppose so," Goody agreed, amazed.

"It is getting stronger with practice," Vortex said. "Now that it has been evoked."

"So I really do have a protective talent," Goody said in wonder.

"You really do," Vortex agreed.

He went to fetch the parody from the branch of the tautolotree. "About time, you numskull," the bird complained. "It's been a while, bonehead."

The others laughed. "What so funny?" the peeve demanded. "Where's the humor?" But no one would explain.

Chapter 6: Robot.

They set out for Castle Roogna, on the way to Robot World. They cut across to intercept an enchanted path. By the time they found it, it was getting late, so they stopped at a campsite that was convenient.

A large spotted cat was there. "Ah, I have been waiting for someone to play cards with," it said.

"A talking tabby," the parody said. "Never trust a cat."

"Cards?" Goody asked. He had not encountered a talking cat before, but perhaps it was no more remarkable than a talking bird.

"A deck of fifty-two," the cat said as a splay of cards appeared. "A good game is poker."

"If you poke me, I'll cut off your hide!" Hannah snapped.

"Very funny," the cat said, unamused. "So will you play?"

"I thought poke-her was a game fauns played, dancing around a nymph and touching her in awkward places," Goody said.

"Do you want to play?" the cat asked again, still supremely unamused. It riffed the cards.

"Let me see that deck," Hannah said, s.n.a.t.c.hing it from his paw. She riffed through the cards herself. "I thought so: five aces! You're a-"

"Cheetah," the cat agreed. "What did you expect?"

Hannah returned the cards. "Let's play. What are the stakes?"

"Foraging for supper," the cat said, its eye resting on the peeve.

"Don't you touch me, you pukey puss!"

"He's a cheater, and you still want to play?" Goody asked, surprised.

"Barbarians are fools about gambling."

Goody shrugged. "But the parody is not on the menu."

The feline sighed. "You drive a hard bargain."

"I'll play too," the peeve said.

It turned out to be an interesting game. Each player started out with a stack of colored chips, and the cards were dealt in batches of five. Goody never did get quite clear about the rules, and did not do well. Neither did Hannah. The cheetah won, of course, with the parody second.

Goody and Hannah went out to forage for supper. This was not hard at all, as there were many convenient fruit trees and plants, including catnip and beefsteak tomatoes for the cheetah. The point of the card game had been diversion, and it had been fine for that.

The peeve elected to spend the night with Hannah, who was alert to things around her even when asleep, and very fast with her sword. Goody appreciated that; the big cat was not to be trusted.

Next day they walked the rest of the way to Castle Roogna. As they approached its moat, three nine-year-old girls appeared, wearing little golden crowns.

"h.e.l.lo, Goblin," the first said. "I'm Princess Melody." She had greenish hair and blue eyes.

"h.e.l.lo, Barbarian," the second said. "I'm Princess Harmony." She had brown hair and eyes.

"Hi, Parody," the third said. "I'm Princess Rhythm." She had red hair and green eyes.

"What a cl.u.s.ter of creeps!"

The three laughed. "What are you doing here, Peeve?" Melody asked.

"You're supposed to be with the Good Magician," Harmony added.

"Driving his household to 'straction," Rhythm concluded.

"I'm Goody Goblin. It's my job to find a good home for the parody. I don't suppose any of you would be interested?"

"We'd love to have the peeve," Melody said.

"It would really make things interesting," Harmony agreed.

"But Mother wouldn't allow it," Rhythm concluded.

"And I'm Hannah Barbarian," Hannah said. "So maybe you will direct us to Princess Ida?"

"Sure," Melody said.

"She's expecting you," Harmony agreed.

"Just follow the linear," Rhythm concluded.

"Ha ha ha," the parody laughed.

Goody was about to ask what a linear was, but then he saw it: a line of ears, leading across the moat and into the castle. Nine-year-old humor. "Thank you."

They followed the line. The ears faded out as they were pa.s.sed. As Hannah and Goody walked on the drawbridge, a huge green head rose from the water.

"It's okay, Sesame," Melody called.

"They've been cleared," Harmony added.

"Sesame's our moat monster," Rhythm explained. "She alternates with her boyfriend."

"Moat monsters have boyfriends?" Goody asked, bemused.

"Oh, sure," Hannah said. "They're people too."

The ears led down a long hall and to a stairway, where they became a line of eyes looking up from the steps. "A stare way," Hannah said, disgusted. "I'm not walking up that in my skirt."

"Ho ho ho!"

"The princesses are mischievous," Goody said, appreciating her problem. Sneak peeks at panties were supposed to be prevented at all times, by order of the Adult Conspiracy, lest panties lose their effect and be useless. Sometimes that rule was violated, but that did not mean that violation was to be encouraged. "Do you have any way to nullify them?"