The Unexpected Discovery Of Love Chapter 159 - Sadist

Immediately after they collected their marriage certificate, the couple drove home. It was still too early to go on a date and since they lived in the same house, it felt a little awkward.

They went to their rooms just to avoid the air of awkwardness. Carl especially was a nervous wreck. He was not sure how he was supposed to act since he was now married.

Should he continue to be like he has always been or… how should he approach her?

Married couples acted different from friends. He was sure of that. His position in her life moved from friend to husband in one move. Now, he did not know how to even walk properly.

He was lying on his bed when she walked in and said, "Let's talk."

"Sure…"

There was silence after he said that. Kim wanted to talk to him but did not know what to say or how to go about it.

While she was contemplating, he spoke up, "I-I wanted to say that because we weren't dating, I let you go each time. I endured everything you put me through simply because I felt I had no right to complain or ask for more and I patiently waited because I was the one who wanted us to be together.

However, now it's different. I don't mean that I won't continue to be patient with you. As long as we're married, I can endure whatever hards.h.i.+p.

It's just that, I really hate divorce and now that we're together, I won't let you go, never."

Kim raised an eyebrow, "What if I hate you?"

He moved closer to her and held her hand before saying, "I won't let that happen, I'll make sure to occupy your heart. So, no matter what happens, you can't run away from me, you can't up and leave, just like you did previously. If you're scared or unsure along the way, I can, and will always a.s.sure you.

But I hope you let me in completely. I don't want you keeping things to yourself anymore. Your past, your secrets… we are one now, whatever affects you, also affects me, so I hope you'll share everything with me, burden inclusive."

Kim nodded, "I understand."

She hesitated before she continued, "Same goes to you. You keep worrying about me, what about you? Won't you share these things with me. You're always so positive, it's hard to imagine, given the abuse you've faced. I feel you aren't totally honest with me."

Carl paused for a while. Whenever the topic of his abuse came up, he was not particularly sure of what to say because he could not recall things clearly. He was not sure why…

"Actually, I have no idea either. I can't bring myself to hate my father or grandparents.

There was a time when I used to get angry, cry about how unfair life was. My mom was kicked out, she died of cancer and I was left alone with an uncaring father.

When Judith flaunted her relations.h.i.+p with my father, I used to think of it as an eyesore. Then it got to a point where I felt numb.

Along the line, I guess, I stopped waiting for him to turn around and see me. I felt life was fleeting, uneventful. It really was.

My memories of my time in the Blackwood family is hazy. Everyday felt the same to me. It was like I was trapped in this endless cycle. I would be falsely accused, I wouldn't try to defend myself, Ryan would plead for my sake and my father believed anything bad he heard about me, then I would be whipped.

Life felt meaningless. I wasn't willing to live but I also didn't want to die. I was trapped between trying to motivate myself to live, even if it was for my mother and thinking there was no reason to struggle against fate.

I used to lock myself indoors whenever I wasn't going to work or something. It's a miracle I even graduated because I didn't feel like studying. I didn't want to.

People thought I was weird so I didn't have friends, I couldn't make friends.

When I was kicked out, I felt free. And after sharing a home with you, I started to think that life was beautiful. And even when you hurt me, I felt alive.

I used to think I was unfeeling. I thought there was something wrong with my heart, there was no emotions whatsoever. But you made me experience everything.

I loved you, I cried over you, I got angry because of you and for once, I wanted to live longer. I wanted to remain by your side even though it hurts.

I might sound like a m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t or a s.a.d.i.s.t, but the pain I felt because of you, made me excited. I did not and do not want to feel hurt, don't get me wrong. It was liberating to experience all those emotions again."

Listening to him speak lightly about these things made her heart ache.

She was not the only one in pain so why did she act like she was. She behaved like her pain was worse than his. Ignoring his feelings because she was scared that he didn't mean them and he would only abandon her.

Now he was telling her that the pain she caused him made him feel alive. She did not know whether to feel relieved or not.

She moved to embrace him, tightly. That was all she could do. She did not know what to say in reply. She only wanted to a.s.sure him.