The Ten Years When I Loved You So Chapter 14

 ch14

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CHAPTER 14:

Jiang Wenxu is still young and successful in his career. Such a status has its perks and temptations. He thinks that his relations.h.i.+p with his wife and lover will get along well. But Jiang Wenxu forgot that he was living with a man. His relations.h.i.+p with He Zhishu was based only on his nubile affections and the desire to indulge. It seems that He Zhishu demands more from him, but what they are he can't figure out.

He Zhishu sat in the balcony after eating, basking himself under sunlight. He felt nauseated but resisted the feeling of vomiting. He stared at the oxidized, blackened silver ring on his finger, his eyes slightly teary. Fourteens years of love and yet still things are uncertain for them. He wondered, if whether it was easy for people to experience difficulties together, and that it is more difficult to enjoy wealth together. He Zhishu had never been so sure that he is regretting his decisions. He regrets not that he spent a decade in a desperate love, but that his decision to not give up on it.

Earlier that day, Jiang Wenxu left for work, saying that his supervisor had called him and that a big business is in trouble. He promised to back straight home after his work was done. He Zhishu handed Jiang Wenxu a thick scarf of blue Kashmir. He waved goodbye and said.

“Wear it. I know that you are not afraid of the cold, but the wind is strong and your body won't be able to stand it.”

Jiang Wenxu kissed him, no longer mentioning the doctor. His face muddled for a moment, but then took the car key and out he went. On the balcony He Zhishu watched Jiang Wenxu leave, and with a soft sigh dialed Ai Ziyu's number. There was an immediate answer.

“Doctor Ai, is it a good time now?” he asked.

“Yes. Come. I am on duty today but I have a surgery this afternoon. It's better if you come early.” said the doctor.

“Well, thank you, doctor.” said He Zhishu, fiddling with his bangs and considering getting a haircut.

Ai Ziyu paused for a moment, then said something unrelate to the treatment. “The weather is getting colder everyday. You should wear more clothes.”

He Zhishu detected a hint of care in the doctor's tone. Not wanting to a.s.sume or to affect Ai Ziyu's work, he didn't reply and hung up.

Outside, it was really cold and the chill seemed to penetrate to He Zhishu's lungs, irritating his nose. He has a habit of not wearing a mask. He doesn't know why but he just hates them. Arriving in the hospital, Ai Ziyu was attending to several patients and He Zhishu sat quietly and waited for his turn. He unconsciously looked at the couple with the child diagnosed with leukemia. They were crying in the office, desperate. He Zhishu felt somewhat distressed. If his parents where there they too would feel distressed, even he wasn't very filial to them.

"What are you thinking about?" Ai Ziyu asked after some time. “Can you take off your jacket. It's not that cold in here.” his voice was gentle and he smiled a bit.

He Zhishu wasn't hot, but the heavy jacket was indeed c.u.mbersome and so he took it off. He sat on a chair facing the doctor's desk. Ai Ziyu wanted to have a joke and a light-hearted conversation with He Zhisu, so that he wouldn't be too nervous when they talked about the treatment. But when his gaze accidently landed on He Zhishu's neck he gave up the idea and sighed. It was a hickey. He Zhishu did not notice that he looked down at the cover of the latest issue of the magazine at the corner of the table, thinking that he had not booked the magazines for a long time. Ai Ziyu regained his composure, knowing well that a doctor must be professional and separate his personal emotions from his job.  He folded his fingers and looked at He Zhishu seriously.

“We will start the chemotherapy tomorrow.” he said.

Ai Ziyu is a young doctor with a very good academic level. He talks about treatment and illness very objectively, without any personal feelings. He Zhishu listened to the doctor, cold fear gripping his heart.

"You are still young, I will do my best. You can't give up on yourself." said Ai Ziyu, comforting his patient.

Suddenly, He Zhishu's phone rang. It was Jiang Wenxu and he immediately answered.

“I won't be coming home tonight. Take care of yourself. Don't forget to eat.” he said.

The phone's volume was loud enough to be heard in the room. He Zhishu smiled awkwardly at Ai Ziyu and went out the room, lowering the volume. Ai Ziyu stared at his orchids and waited. After a few minutes, He Zhishu came back and smiled apologetically.

"I muted my phone this time... sorry." he said.

“Are you… gay?” Ai Ziyu immediately regretted the question.

He was not a child. He should've known not to ask such questions.

He Zishu was stunned for a moment but managed to smile and reply. “That was my… roommate.”

“You have hickeys all over your neck.” Ai Ziyu interrupted.

He Zhishu jerked and pulled up his scarf to hide the kiss marks. He paused for a moment, embarra.s.sed of what happened. He sighed and then spoke in a joking manner.

“Does this hospital not treat gay people?”

Ai Ziyu shook his head, expressing anger at his disappointment: "I don't care about your s.e.xual orientation. But I don't know what is going on between you. First, do you think your body can bear it? Also, it is important for me to determine your relations.h.i.+p with him. Does he know of your condition? From your examination you said that you were living alone…”

"Doctor," He Zhishu interrupted him, his tone was a bit cold: "I didn't tell him because I don't want him to be sad. Is there a problem?"

He Zhishu did not like it when other people make comments about his relations.h.i.+p with Jiang Wenxu, though he did not try to defend Jiang Wenxu's behavior.

Ai Ziyu was busy that afternoon and he had to schedule another meeting with He Zhishu tomorrow. He knows that He Zhishu is suffering from agonizing coughs and aching bones and wonders how he can keep up hiding it without being exposed. If Jiang Wenxu still loved him then he would endure this. When he was in pain he will cry. He would prepare his hot water and medicine for him. He Zhishu's last words would be for him.

But it seems the case wasn't like this. Therefore, there was no other way for He Zhishu than to endure and try not to be hated.

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