A Maiden's Strange Voyage 33 第33章: A Chance To Explain

He went up to her. Clear that it was his job to handle this despite all, and he will not leave it to anyone else at this point. And he was senior to her because she was still an apprentice. "What are you doing here?"

It was at the request of another at this point, where she needed it to be so. But she knew that it was best to not keep it so. She could lose her job because of this. She knew that it was rather clear because of just how it was against her wishes.

"Just a performer." Even as he took out his birdcage, opening the door to a bird. "This is my partner."

"And that is my a.s.sistant." Dianyu put down her umbrella. Confused but also incredibly happy for something about this.

"Who let you into the house?"

"I was invited by someone here, but I can't remember who it is." It was to get the woman out of trouble. She could guess it too. And he knew that if this went on for any longer a lot of things could go wrong for him. "But my job had been to cheer him up."

As much as it was clear that there was someone, but he was not here for anything else. "He's fine, he just needs to focus."

There was an inscrutable look on his face. Though she had only known him for a short amount of time. Thus she had no idea what was going through his mind for the most part. Even as he gave a glance to her, suggesting that she should not even think about moving an inch. That much was clear.

"Who sent you?"

"I'm afraid I can't tell." He gave her a smile. Even as it was clear that she was becoming infuriated.

Even as the boy looked at it in a puzzled manner. "I'll go back, besides I wasn't paying any attention to them."

"If you do this, you will never get close to the Emperor. To rise in the imperial court you need to be better than anyone else. You need to make your family proud, we raised you, fed you and clothed you your entire life. This is the only thing you can do for us." It was wrong. Her mother never expected to take up on it, she was allowed. She was in the time of thinking of going abroad.

"To be noticed by the Emperor requires not only skill but talent and luck. People who rise there don't just do it because they work harder than everyone else, because they are also smarter than them." Hard work alone could bring them to many places but never the top. "It is a cruel world to even those who want it, let alone those who were forced into it."

"But he will survive. It is not any kinder anywhere else."

"Do you know what the imperial examination can let others do?" He turned to him. "Some study day and night, others find ways to cheat their way through. Some become so desperate or are certain that they want them. But the most important thing was that they wanted it, the willingness to go to any lengths to pa.s.s."

She knew of how difficult it was, how strenuous. It was not something that anyone could attempt, it was not even something that anyone thought will have been a good idea. She knew that it was daunting, the sheer number of subjects difficult. "The pressure chased away many."

For a moment, she could guess that it was him. "But most importantly, do you want it? A life in the imperial court is volatile, it is never secure. You can rise and you can fall. How many scholars lost their head in the previous dynasties, even as it is safer now but it is fighting for the attention of just a single man."

And for that single man to take notice of them. Out of the thousands of other officials who were as competent and skilled he was. Some were even better, some were worse.

"Wouldn't the odds be low?" He made an astute observation. Each year, there were two such examinations. With close to a thousand pa.s.sing each year, it was an incredibly low amount to be noticed. It was even less to be favored. He was hesitant.

"You will be able to make it."

"Are words enough?" It was something she couldn't guess. "Do you think that blind faith can make anyone? They don't choose their candidates solely on their talent, but their background. There will be a handful who make it in because they are simply better than everyone else. The examination isn't a place where those who score can enter, it picks the best of a year. It means in connections and in talent."

She couldn't interfere, she only knew little. But she knew that doubt was becoming more clear. That he was beginning to get afraid. "And even then it isn't just that, you need to know how to speak with the Emperor. You need to know how to garner favor and work within it. Being a scholar is not enough to be an official, you need to know how the court changes, how it works. Otherwise, you'll be eaten alive."

"Why are you telling him such lies?"

"You have never been through this." No woman could, they could help prepare the boys for this. But they were never personally doing this. They never did sit down every day and try to work towards an exam that will have decided their fate. Whether they could succeed or be forced into doing something else.

"He was fated to be a scholar. He will be able to flourish, he will be unable to do anything. That was what the fortune teller told him."

And that had been what Zhixun was waiting as his face becomes readable again. That this had been his intention from the beginning. He was trying to force this out of her.

"The fortune teller told me that I will bear many sons if I marry a scholar, and I'm here right now." Zhixun shook his own head, realizing just how she disproved it.

"Fate doesn't mean anything. The fortune teller told me to try seven times, by the time I got to third time I was poor, tired and the only thing that kept me there had been birds." He gave a moment to let them think. It was something to ponder about.

"Listening to fate isn't a certainty, that's why there are strayers." People who break. And clear that he did the same which suggested that he was made to endure for nearly four years before he could have had his break. And that it was the major turning point in his life. He had given it up.

"Who are you to lecture him?"

"It's advice of someone who once did this because his parents will have been proud."

He looked in confusion. Even as she remained in shock. But he knew that it was the only thing it really needed at this point. Nothing else could be more certain than it.

"Think about it." There wasn't the need for any more words than that. Merely realizing just how deep it went. His mother was speechless now. He was unable to even c

"Don't, he's lying." She stepped forward to her own son. Standing before him and blocking anyone else. But it was futile at this point, the boy was unsure. As much as he wanted to step forward.

His lips curled again. She knew that he had other arguments up his sleeve, she could see it after the first time. He had something up his sleeve, that was certain from the way he was carrying himself. She could tell now when he had been thinking of some unusual way to get what he wanted.

"Let him hear me out. If I had no logic than this will not have worked." Clear that he found sense in his argument, possibly even more than hers. That it could have made an impact if he didn't care. "I didn't go to that extreme, I studied often but gave time to my own pastimes. Kept myself away from things whenever I felt that nothing was getting in."

And that was how it should have been done, not in any other way than that. She knew that her breaks were important, her mother always gave her one when she needed it. And vice versa. Although recent months had seen her not take much because of time. But she often worked on the accounts in the afternoon before heading over to serve customers at the night.

"Is it really true?"

"There are hundreds of people who are hopeful like us. They work their hardest but will never get in because they don't have the talent. The Emperor seeks talent out more than those who work hard. Because those with talent can grow further. We can only go so far." Before being in the same situation.

"Were there times where you felt that you had let down your family?"

"Sometimes I wondered why I was even born and why I was still alive. But no one can truly answer the question with the exception of ourselves. No one truly knows what we want with the exception of ourselves." He had made enough sense there. It was something that few could truly understand.

She knew how it was so. She was going to have a wedding, marrying someone that most girls will never have gotten the chance to. She will have lived a comfortable life, caring for her children and taking care of them. To throw that away in their eyes had been a foolish choice. One which did not make sense to them. Not in the very least. She will have the life others dreamed of, but not what she wanted.

And she learned that having a good upfront meant nothing if they were merely going to be miserable deep inside. And be taught to be grateful for. She couldn't agree to it.

"Only you will know whether you can do this, and honestly do you have that faith in yourself?"

He took a moment before shaking his own head. He was certain now. His mother went on her knees. "I paid the fortune teller so much, just to change his fate around. Just to help him gain that focus."

On the verge of tears, Dianyu remained cold to it all. Not even intending to go anywhere.

"Some people just aren't meant for it. And trusting good luck charms, that seems like a stretch." Before he picked them up, the special characters written on paper. "This is most likely a fraud as real fortune tellers can only tell the direction of your life and how you are."

And nothing more. Though she never consulted them at the end of the day. She saw fortune teller but never taken their word seriously. Even as the boy went down to console him. "Our job is often to tell them that reality is rarely kinder than the delusions they set themselves into. Many parents think of having their sons become scholars and their daughters marrying incredibly well. But that is usually impossible."

"Of course it is. There are so many people who simply remain unknown in the world."

"I guess I'll have to tell you my story when I get back. You already heard it." And he chose a different path for himself. Most will have said that he had been a fool, as he had not chosen to try another time. "I almost managed to get into there, but I lost simply because I became a merchant to help my education."

It was enough to make a guess. Even as she knew that it will be fair to trade something. "I was thrown into a marriage with a scholar, he's going to be taking it in three years. And I saw that my future was perfect."

"But you didn't want it either?"

"Not at all." Even if it was harder and her life became more complicated that she deviated from the norm here. And she will have spent the rest of her life hearing others criticize her choices, but they never knew what she truly felt either.

Before they walked, knowing that their mission was done.