Brite and Fair Part 11

October 15, 186---brite and fair. wenesday and so no school this afternoon. as it is warm the fish bit prety well and i went down to my boat and cougt ten s.h.i.+ners and a lot of minnis. it is prety lait for them. then i fed Hork and Spitt and you had augt to have see them eat. i dont know what i shall do when the fish stop biting. rats is scarce and i cant aford chickings.

this afternoon after i had come back from fis.h.i.+ng we had a meating of the Terible 3. we met at Pewts shop. Pewt read the report whitch i had rote for him and he had coppied. then we talked about wether we had augt to use sling shots xcept in xstream cases. we desided never to use sling shots in a croud and never to ame hier than a fellers hind leg xcept when he is tirned back to for fear of puting out his ey. and we desided never to fire a sling shot without ameing nor rocks neether. but grean apples and all other vegtibles including both stail and roten egs espes.h.i.+onally goos egs whitch is hard to get and ded fish whitch you swing round your tale by the head, no i meant whitch you swing round your head by the tale and let ding is all rite to plug without amein becaus they wont do enny harm and cant put out a fellers ey.

i am going to have that rote into the record.

October 16, 186---brite and fair. Spitt cougt a almost full groan chicking today. the chicking stuck his head between the slats and Spitt grabed him with his claus and pulled him the rest of the way in and toar him in peaces and et most of him. it is verry xpensive to keep two mutch stock but i hait to let eether of them go. Hork is all rite and Spitt is all rite but Hork and Spitt together is moar than 1 feller can feed unless he is a butcher or a fishcart man or a rat ketcher.

tonite the Terible 3 dident comit enny crime becaus Billy Morris n.i.g.g.e.r ministrils give a show in the town hall and we all went. at 1 oh clock there was a parade and there band plaid. it is a ripper and can play almost as loud as the Exeter Band.

tonite we all went. it was the funiest show i ever went to. it beat Comical Brown all to peaces and the orchistry was splendid. They sung shoo fli dont bodder me and little Maggy May, Way down upon the Swany river and Ma.s.sa is in the cold cold ground and they dansed clog danses and had funny direlogs. i tell you it was fine. so the Terible 3 dident do nothing. somehow when a feller is laffin he doesent feel like comitting crimes unless it is funny ones.

October 17, 186---missed in grammer today and got licked. not very bad only he shook me round until he toar my coller and neckti off. i jest wish the Terible 3 wood plug old Francis sum time with bricks.

old J. Ward Levitt has found out who broak his winders and has got his pay for them. he come over tonite and told me and father about it. he sed he went down to Squawboo Bowleys and asted him about it and Squawboo proofed that he was down to Charles Grants store on Hemloc square with Peenut Perkins all that evening. then he went down to old Heads house and asted two stewcats about it and they sed they never done it then J. Ward he told them they wood pay him for them winders or he wood go to doctor Soule of the academy about it and them fellers sed they never done it but had ruther pay for 2 winders than to have doctor Soule asting them questions, and so J. Ward sed they pade him 50 cents for the 2 winders and 50 cents for the trubble he had in detecking them and maiking them confess. he sed they sed that they dident confess and never done it but he sed if they was onnest fellers they woodent pay for brakeing winders whitch they hadent never broak and he sed aint that rite Geroge? to father and father he laffed and sed well i aint so sure about that. i was in the academy under docter Soule and gess there wasent enny time i was ther after the ferst weak that i woodent rather pay for 2 windows than to have docter Soule ast me questions about what i had did.

but i gess these fellers must have did it or they woodent have pade for it.

Aunt Sarah sed father was xpelled from the academy twict. i asted him what he was xpelled for. he sed the ferst time was a case of religious persecution. i asted why they was persecuting him and he sed he and another feller thougt the students was having to pay too mutch atension to morning prairs in the chapil and so he and the other feller screwed up the doors of the chapil one nite and the nex morning they coodent get into the chapil for 2 days and they found out that he and the other feller had bougt sum screws. so they persecuted him for that and xpelled him.

then i asted him why he got xpelled the 2nd time and he sed it was edjucasional persecution of the wirst kind. i asted him what they done to persecute him that way and he sed that docter Soule marked all the fellers down awful low and it dident make enny difference how hard he studded none of the fellers cood get a good mark. father sed it was dredful the amount of whale oil he birnt in lamps nites studding his greke and latin. he thinks he must have birnt about 2 hoal whales full but it dident do enny good. he never cood get a good mark. well docter Soule kep his marking sheets in his desk and eech day he marked the felers down feerful low and locked his sheets in the desk and at the end of the day he wood give the shets to anothr teecher to add them up and give out a list of the best scolars.

well father and another feller got a kee that wood fit the lock of that desk and evry day they wood get the sheet and mark evry feller 100 percent and doctor Soule never looked at it and give them to the other teecher to add up and evrybody got perfict marks and evrybody sed it was the best cla.s.s in the school.

well bimeby one day father and the other feller marked themselfs 125 percent and when the other teecher added the marks up he found sumthing was rong. so he spent a weak adding and substrackting and multipliing and dividing and reduceing to the leest common denominator and invirtin the diviser and perceeding as in multiplication and finding the leest common multipel of and xtracking the squair root of and at last he maid up his mind that there was a niger in the woodpile.

so he took his figgers to old docter Soule and they set a trap and cougt father and the other feller and they xpelled them and that was the last of father in the academy. but while he was there he was verry poplar becaus they wasent ennything he woodent do for his cla.s.smaits.

so i gess he was rite when he told old J. Ward what he did about old docter Soule. father sed he tride to get back onct moar and he thougt they had augt to have gave him one moar chanct. if he cood have been xpelled onct moar he cood beet enny feller whitch ever went to the academy he was verry mutch disapointed when they woodent give him another try so he cood be xpelled onct moar.

so when we had the nex meating of th Teribl 3 i wanted them to mark old docter Soule to paist sum nite but they woodent do it becaus they sed we was all townies and we woodent notise the academy.

Pewt and Beany was gelous becaus Pewts father and Beanys father hadent never been xpelled from nowhere. they thougt i was showing off but i wasent.

October 17, 186---brite and fair and hot as summer.

it has been hot for almost a weak. Rob Bruce, Skinnys brother and Dan Casidy went in swiming yesterday. they sed it was bully but i bet it was cold. tonite after school Pewt maid sum sines whitch we put up after dark. one we put up in front of old Ike Shutes door. it sed bewair Ike the Terible 3 is on your trale. that will be enuf to keep Ike in nites. Ike drives us out of his yard when he sees us.

another one we put on Bill Eldriges door. it sed the vengence of the Terible 3 will folow You Bill until you are ded or in jale. the last one we put on Peeliky Tiltons granfathers door becaus he put tin cans and broaken gla.s.s bottels and old hoopskerts and wire into the swiming hole at sandy bottom and we cant swim there enny moar. i dont know jest what we will do to him. it seams as if slingshots or roten egs aint bad enuf. we will try to scair him to deth ferst and then we will do sumthings to him that he will never forget in his life even if he lives to be 200 years old. the sine sed this old man Tilton say your prairs for the Terible 3 has got you on their list. when litening strikes it leaves no traices of its victims. bewair bewair.

Pewt rote them with sum stencil plaits his father has got so n.o.body will know his hand wrighting.

October 18, 186---this morning we had speaking in school. i spoke Horatias at the brige. it made me think of the Terible 3 when it sed

the three stood carm and staitly and looked upon there foes and a grat shout of laffter from all the vangard rose

but all the saim they nocked the stuffing out of Aunus from grean Tifernum and Seius and the other fellers and it wasent enny laffin matter for them and it wont be enny laffin matter with the Terible 3. old man Tilton dident laff this morning when he see that sine on his door. he has laid it onto old Marco Bazzris Wadley and Jack Flinn and Gimmy Fitsgerald and Moog Carter all ready, and Luke Manix two and old Ike Shute has had old Kize and old Swane the Poliseman up to see about his sine and old Bill Eldrige has been to see 2 lawyers Alvy Wood and Jug Stickney. everybody but them is laffin and wundering who the Terible 3 is.

sum of them may find out sum day.

well this afternoon me and Pewt and Beany went up river fis.h.i.+ng. we dident xpect to get ennything it was so lait in the fall but Hork and Spitt hadent been fed for 2 days. we got a lot of s.h.i.+ners and perch and jest befoar we come back we got the bigest snaping tirtle i ever see in my life. it was a ripper and the madest one i ever see. it snaped rite and left and wood throw his head rite back on his sh.e.l.l trying to grab us. we had hard wirk to get a peace of closeline round his hind leg. the only way we cood do it was to let it bite a stick and hold on.

we had desided to use a slingshot on old man Tilton sum day when he was bending over a sawhorse and his britches were t.i.te but Pewt sed it wood be a good thing to scair him to deth with the snaping tirtle ferst. so we are going to tie him to old man Tiltons doorn.o.b sum nite and ring the doorbell. we coodent do it tonite becaus evrybody goes down town Sat.u.r.day nite to the stores and sets up lait having baths and things. but look out for yourself mister old man Tilton for the Terible 3 in on your trale.

we xpect a bizzy weak nex weak.

Oct. 19, 186---Sunday. rainy and windy. had to go to chirch. the only fun i had was to see peeples umbrellas blow rongside out and to hear them sware. sum of them was chirch members two. they did not belong to the Unitarial chirch.

Oct. 20, 186---rany as time. i never gnew it to rane harder. evryone had on rubber boots and umbrelas.

the wind blew terible and all the leeves is gone and sum branches of trees is blew down. Buldy Tasker pushed me into the gutter in front of old Gim Ellersons lacksmith shop and i went in over my rubber boots. when i got to school i puled off my boots and poared out the water and there was about 4 quats in eech boot. it taiks a long time to dry rubber boots. they say the best way is to fill them full of otes and after the otes has been in about a day or 2 poar out the otes and the boots is dry and the otes is wet. so when i got home i was going to do it but there wasent moar than a pec of otes in the baril and Nellie had to be fed so i had to put the boots upside down behine the stove in the kitchen. the Terible 3 had a meating and went down to see our snaping tirtle. he was there all rite hiched by his old hine leg to a tree and he was out of site in a pudle of water that the rane had made. we pulled him out by the hine leg and he was awful mad and claued and scrached and snaped. so we let him go back in his pudle after we had saw that the closeline was all rite. i bet we will maik old man Tilton gump out of his britches when he sees that old tirtle hanging to his doorgn.o.b.

i hope he will for enny man whitch will fill up a swimming hole with old tin cans and gla.s.s had augt to be bit by a ratlesnaik.

October 21, 186---it has stoped raning today. for a wunder neether me or Beany or Pewt missed in our lesons. it dont verry often hapen that way.

i think old Francis thougt we was playing sum sort of a trick on him for he acked sort of quear and looked at us sort of hard. tonite we aranged to meat at Pewts at 8 oh clock. after school we got a meel bag and went down for our snaping tirtle.

it took nearly a hour to get him into the bag. ferst we had to ty up his mouth becaus we only want to scair old man Tilton and not to kill him. it took a haff hour to do that. we never cood have did it if it hadent ben for Pewt who can ty gnots like a sailer. ferst we got the old tirtle mad and then we give him a stick to bite and then i pulled at it and Beany pulled at the roap on his hine leg. of coa.r.s.e the snaper woodent let go of the stick and when his head was out strait Pewt put a noos round his mouth and wound it round and round like ganging a fishhook on a line and he tide that old tirtles mouth up t.i.ter than a drumhead.

then we tride to get him in the bag but it was all we cood do he claud so. bimby we got him in.

then we tide the bag under a bush down behine old Perry Moultons yard. then we went home. i split up my kinlins and done my ch.o.a.rs and studded till 8 oh clock and then mother sed i cood go down town with Beany. so i went over to Beanys and it was dark. so we got Pewt and went down and got the bag and carried it up Court strete and throug old Nat Gordons woods until we got to the feeld oposite old man Tiltons house.

it was a awful lug and i bet we put it down to rest 50 times but bimeby we got it there. then we tride to shaik the old snaper out of the bag and it seamed as if we never cood get him out. bimeby we got him out and lit sum maches to see his mouth was tide up t.i.te and it was and the stick was still there he coodent spitt it out. gosh but he was mad and tride to snap. there was a lite in old man Tiltons house and we cood see him setting by a table with a red cloth and a lamp with a red wick reading.

sumwhere in the back of the house was another lite and we could hear Peeliky Tiltons uncles practising band tunes on their horns. they was making a feerful noise so n.o.body heard us when we 3 tide the snapper to the dorgn.o.b. it was all we cood do he claued so. then when we had him hanging head downwerds we rung the bell as hard as we cood and hipered acrost the strete and hid in the bushes behine the fense.

we cood see old man Tilton put down his paper and holler sumthing. i gess he told Peeliky Tiltons uncles to stop their noise. ennyway it stoped and he lit a little tin lamp and come to the door and opened it. we cood hear the old tirtle scraching at the door and banging his head agenst it as he tried to snap and the old man heard it and when he opened the door he looked round throug his old specks and dident see ennything and then he steped out on the porch and stuck his hed round the door and i gess it was lucky he dident take the big lamp for when he see that old snaper swinging this way and that way clauing and snaping he let out a yell you cood heard for 3 miles and droped the lamp and almost tirned a back sumerset he tride so hard to get back into the house and slamed the door. then we heard him hollering for Peeliky Tiltons uncles and we cood see them come piling into the room and evryone talked. then they come out of the side door. Peeliky Tiltons uncle had a lantirn and a ax and his uncle George had a shot gun and a tin lamp and his uncle Warren had a pichfork and a torchlite percession torch and old man Tilton was looking out of the window. Ed went first with the lantern and when he saw what it was he sed it is a snaping tirtle as big as a wash boiler. sum darn fool has tide it to the gn.o.b. so George sed sumone cut the roap and we will get him and Warrin he sed look out them snapers will taik a mans hine leg off at 1 snap and Ed sed h.e.l.l i aint afrade and he cut the roap with his ax and the old snaper fell on the steps and begun to craul off and Ed grabed the roap and yanked him onto the sidewaulk and he sed hold the lite Warrin and let the snaper bite a stick and i will cut his hed off. so Warrin he held a lite and George got a stick and poaked him and the old snaper snaped but dident ketch hold and Ed he sed that is a h.e.l.l of a snaper. so George poaked him again and he kep snaping and bimeby Ed sed sum feller has tide up his mouth with a stick in it. so then n.o.body was afrade and they all gethered round and Peeliky and his father come out of their house and old man Tilton come out and sed things have come to a prety pa.s.s if a man cant go to his door without being et alive by a snaping tirtle or knawed by a rampaiging wilcat or pizened by a hoopskert.

he meant a hoop snaik but he was xcited, and if the polise dident do there duty he wood put it in the hands of the county solissiter and see is respectible citisens cood be et and lose their lifes without n.o.body doing ennything to stop it. and he sed do we live in Rooshy or Prooshy and dont a man have enny petection of the law? and he waulked up and down the porch and banged his cain and hollered and while he was hollering Ed and George and Warrin and Peeliky and Peelikys father was taiking the old snaper into the back yard and they cut his head off and Ed told Peeliky that the head woodent die for 7 days. then they come back and told the old man to shet up and Ed sed they was going to have tirtle soop and fride chicking, and rost beef and boiled ham and sossige and quale on tost and clamb chowder and pigs feet and pork sc.r.a.ps and hogs head cheze all out of that tirtle. but the old man kep a hollering and asking if he lived in Rooshy and Ed sed the old man will feal better tomorrow when he has drunk about a quat of soop and et 4 or 5 pounds of diferent kinds of meet from that old snaper.

well bimeby they went in and the old man went in and set down and they begun to play on their horns and we clim over the fense and went home. i gess we scart the old man most to deth. if you had saw him let out the yell and heard him tirn the back somerset you wood have thougt so. we aint throug with him yet. a man whitch will stop up a swiming hol with tin cans and broaken gla.s.s aint going to get off with lesson. and wire two whitch is c.u.mtimes wirse. and hoopskerts.

then we all went down town and come up throug Coart Strete laffing and talking about what we see in the store winders so our folks wood know we had been down town. mother sed i was prety lait and sed that father sed i hadent augt to be out so lait but she told him i asted if i cood go and she sed yes.

she told me i must come home erlier next time. father had went to bed so i dident see him and he dident yip.

it was the most sucesful meating the Terible 3 has had. i have got to wright out the report for Pewt becaus i can spel so mutch beter than Pewt can. so i cant wright moar tonite in this diry.

October 28, 186---today the ferst thing i see was old man Tilton coming down town with his old cain. he glore at me when i met him and i sed how do you do mister Tilton and he sed how do how do and waulked on. so i know he doesnt suspeck us.

i bet he woodent say how do to Gimmy Fitzgerald or Moog Carter or Luke Mannix or Ticky Moses.

i wached him and he went into the polise stasion.

then he come out and talked with old Swane and old Mizzery Durgin the polise oficers. his naim is Ezry but we call him Mizzery. he is the feller that throwed me out of the town hall the nite father was going to maik a speach and dident da.s.s to. old man Tilton pounded his cain on the ground and hollered. i coodent hear what he sed except Rooshy and Prooshy so i gess he was triing to find out where he lived becaus he wanted to know last nite and n.o.body told him. i gess he hasent et enny of that soop yet. i wish we cood have kep that tirtle. it wood have fed Hork and Spitt for 2 weaks. i cougt a rat today. an old linger and they toar him up and et him. Spitt had the ferst whack at him and i thougt he wasent going to leeve no coar so i poaked a part of it out with a stick and gave it to Hork. if i kep Hork and Spitt together they wood eet eech other up. i wunder if they wood be ennything left when they got throug.

ennyway a bullfrog can eet another bullfrog as big as he is. the one that gets the first snap gets the other and swalows him down his gozzle with his feet sticking out of the corner of his mouth. A bullfrog swalows the other bullfrog hoal. he chews him up inside like a hen or a boar constricter only he dont squash him ferst. i am glad i am not a bullfrog and havent enny teeth in my stomack. how cood a dentist pull a tooth in a fellers stomack if it aiked. how cood a feller tell wether it was a tooth aik or a stomack aik. wood a feller die if he maid a mistaik and had a dentist pull a tooth whitch was in his stomack when it dident aik but his stomack did.

if i was a bullfrog i shood like to know them things.

but i aint a bullfrog and i shant have enny teeth in my stomack unless when i am old and have false teeth i swalow them when i am aslep as old man Collins did onct.

tonite we had company. Aunt Mary and Charles and Helen and Cad Smith and Steve and Ann Maria Piper and Annie Piper, and so i coodent go out after supper but had to stay in and hear Keene and Cele sing. i can hear them enny day and i had agreed to go out with Pewt and Beany and try to brake sum of J. Albert Clarks windows to pay for telling father when i let out his rooster to fite mine and mine licked his. if his had licked mine old J.

Albert woodent have yipped. i dont blaim him for being mad becaus i let them fite when he wasent there to see and becaus mine licked but no feller that is a real feller will go tattle taleing to a fellers father and get him kep in the yard a hoal day. if he had given me a bat in the ear or had hit me a paist with his cain i woodent have caired but a feller that tells on another has got sumthing to learn and that is what the Terible 3 is for. to lern fellers to behave.

so i coodent go out and Pewt and Beany sed they wood try to do it without me. they sed they wood go up to Pewts yard again and wood try sum grean apples on a stick and aim more to the rite than they did when they broak old J. Ward Levitts windows whitch the stewdcats paid for brakeing. so i kep my ey pealed becaus J. Albert lives in the other side of our house and i gnew if ennyone broak his winders old J. Albert wood come piling in to tell father it was me and father cood tell him he was a dam lier becaus i wood be there with father all the time and father wood know i hadent went out for a minit.

so i set in the parlor and father told the story about the feller whitch got the long hair in his mouth and lots of stories that maid us nearly kill ourselfs laffing. then Cele and Keene sung flow gently sweet Afton and pa.s.s under the road and we shall meat but we shall miss him and my mother bids me bang my hair and then father maid me sing alone. i hait to sing alone. i cood have sung with Keene but he maid me sing alone. i sed what shall i sing and he sed sing ennything. so i sung a new virse of if ever i ceese to love. it goes this way

if ever i ceese to love if ever i ceese to love may Horris Greelys cat have kittens in his hat if ever i ceese to love

well father and Steve and Ann Maria and Aunt Sarah and Aunt Mary and Charles and mother all laffed but Cele and Keene and Annie Piper sed i was very disgusting. ennyway father sed i cood sing ennything.

well after i had sung Cele and Keene were playing a peace about Napolion crossing the Alps when there was a big gingle of gla.s.s and a hard apple came wizzing throug the window and came within a inch of taiking Steve on the snoot. Keene gave a screech and evryone gumped up jest as another hit the side of the house bang. father was out of the house and down the steps in 2 minits and i after him. the stewdcats in old mister Heads house were setting by their table studding in there shert sleaves and we heard sum one down the strete and father hipered down strete and i after him. we met Nipper Brown and his father and father he sed have you met enny fellers Gus and Nippers father he sed yes 2 fellers ran down Clifford Strete and me and father went down Clifford strete and coodent see enny fellers. so we went back and i picked up a rock and put it in my pocket. when i ran out after father i picked up the apple and n.o.body had seen it.

i gnew if father see that apple with a hole in it he wood know it was throwed with a stick and he wood know in a minit who broak old J. Ward Levitts winders.