The Book of Humorous Verse Part 44

FINNIGIN TO FLANNIGAN

Superintendent wuz Flannigan; Boss av the siction wuz Finnigin; Whiniver the kyars got offen the thrack, An' muddled up things t' th' divil an' back, Finnigin writ it to Flannigan, Afther the wrick wuz all on ag'in; That is, this Finnigin Repoorted to Flannigan.

Whin Finnigin furst writ to Flannigan, He writed tin pages--did Finnigin, An' he tould jist how the smash occurred; Full minny a tajus, blunderin' wurrd Did Finnigin write to Flannigan Afther the cars had gone on ag'in.

That wuz how Finnigin Repoorted to Flannigan.

Now Flannigan knowed more than Finnigin-- He'd more idjucation, had Flannigan; An' it wore'm clane an' completely out To tell what Finnigin writ about In his writin' to Muster Flannigan.

So he writed back to Finnigin: "Don't do sich a sin ag'in; Make 'em brief, Finnigin!"

Whin Finnigin got this from Flannigan, He blushed rosy rid, did Finnigin; An' he said: "I'll gamble a whole month's pa-ay That it will be minny an' minny a da-ay Befoore Sup'rintindint--that's Flannigan-- Gits a whack at this very same sin ag'in.

From Finnigin to Flannigan Repoorts won't be long ag'in."

Wan da-ay, on the siction av Finnigin, On the road sup'rintinded by Flannigan, A rail give way on a bit av a curve, An' some kyars went off as they made the swerve.

"There's n.o.body hurted," sez Finnigin, "But repoorts must be made to Flannigan."

An' he winked at McGorrigan, As married a Finnigin.

He wuz shantyin' thin, wuz Finnigin, As minny a railroader's been ag'in, An' the shmoky ol' lamp wuz burnin' bright In Finnigin's shanty all that night-- Bilin' down his repoort, was Finnigin!

An' he writed this here: "Muster Flannigan: Off ag'in, on ag'in, Gone ag'in--Finnigin."

_S. W. Gillinan._

STUDY OF AN ELEVATION, IN INDIAN INK

Potiphar Gubbins, C. E., Stands at the top of the tree; And I muse in my bed on the reasons that led To the hoisting of Potiphar G.

Potiphar Gubbins, C. E., Is seven years junior to Me; Each bridge that he makes either buckles or breaks, And his work is as rough as he.

Potiphar Gubbins, C. E., Is coa.r.s.e as a chimpanzee; And I can't understand why you gave him your hand, Lovely Mehitabel Lee.

Potiphar Gubbins, C. E., Is dear to the Powers that Be; For they bow and They smile in an affable style Which is seldom accorded to Me.

Potiphar Gubbins, C. E., Is certain as certain can be Of a highly paid post which is claimed by a host Of seniors--including Me.

Careless and lazy is he, Greatly inferior to Me.

What is the spell that you manage so well, Commonplace Potiphar G.?

Lovely Mehitabel Lee, Let me inquire of thee, Should I have riz to what Potiphar is, Hadst thou been mated to Me?

_Rudyard Kipling._

THE V-A-S-E

From the madding crowd they stand apart, The maidens four and the Work of Art;

And none might tell from sight alone In which had culture ripest grown,--

The Gotham Million fair to see, The Philadelphia Pedigree,

The Boston Mind of azure hue, Or the soulful Soul from Kalamazoo,

For all loved Art in a seemly way, With an earnest soul and a capital A.

Long they wors.h.i.+ped; but no one broke The sacred stillness, until up spoke

The Western one from the nameless place, Who blus.h.i.+ng said, "What a lovely vace!"

Over three faces a sad smile flew, And they edged away from Kalamazoo.

But Gotham's haughty soul was stirred To crush the stranger with one small word.

Deftly hiding reproof in praise, She cries, "'Tis, indeed, a lovely vaze!"

But brief her unworthy triumph when The lofty one from the house of Penn,

With the consciousness of two grandpapas, Exclaims, "It is quite a lovely vahs!"

And glances round with an anxious thrill, Awaiting the word of Beacon Hill.

But the Boston maid smiles courteouslee, And gently murmurs, "Oh, pardon me!

"I did not catch your remark, because I was so entranced with that lovely vaws!"

_Dies erit praegelida Sinistra quum Bostonia._

_James Jeffrey Roche._

MINIVER CHEEVY

Miniver Cheevy, child of scorn, Grew lean while he a.s.sailed the seasons; He wept that he was ever born, And he had reasons.