The Book of Humorous Verse Part 45

Miniver loved the days of old When swords were bright and steeds were prancing; The vision of a warrior bold Would set him dancing.

Miniver sighed for what was not, And dreamed and rested from his labors; He dreamed of Thebes and Camelot And Priam's neighbors.

Miniver mourned the ripe renown That made so many a name so fragrant; He mourned Romance, now on the town, And Art, a vagrant.

Miniver loved the Medici, Albeit he had never seen one; He would have sinned incessantly Could he have been one.

Miniver cursed the commonplace, And eyed a khaki suit with loathing; He missed the mediaeval grace Of iron clothing.

Miniver scorned the gold he sought, But sore annoyed he was without it; Miniver thought and thought and thought And thought about it.

Miniver Cheevy, born too late, Scratched his head and kept on thinking; Miniver coughed, and called it fate, And kept on drinking.

_Edwin Arlington Robinson._

THE RECRUIT

Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden: "Bedad, yer a bad un!

Now turn out yer toes!

Yer belt is unhookit, Yer cap is on crookit, Ye may not be dhrunk, But, be jabers, ye look it!

Wan--two!

Wan--two!

Ye monkey-faced divil, I'll jolly ye through!

Wan--two!-- Time! Mark!

Ye march like the aigle in Cintheral Parrk!"

Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden: "A saint it ud sadden To dhrill such a mug!

Eyes front!--ye baboon, ye!-- Chin up!--ye gossoon, ye!

Ye've jaws like a goat-- Halt! ye leather-lipped loon, ye!

Wan--two!

Wan--two!

Ye whiskered orang-outang, I'll fix you!

Wan--two!-- Time! Mark!

Ye've eyes like a bat!--can ye see in the dark?"

Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden: "Yer figger wants padd'n'-- Sure, man, ye've no shape!

Behind ye yer shoulders Stick out like two boulders; Yer s.h.i.+ns is as thin As a pair of pen-holders!

Wan--two!

Wan--two!

Yer belly belongs on yer back, ye Jew!

Wan--two!-- Time! Mark!

I'm dhry as a dog--I can't shpake but I bark!"

Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden: "Me heart it ud gladden To blacken your eye.

Ye're gettin' too bold, ye Compel me to scold ye,-- Tis halt! that I say,-- Will ye heed what I told ye?

Wan--two!

Wan--two!

Be jabers, I'm dhryer than Brian Boru!

Wan--two!-- Time! Mark!

What's wur-ruk for chickens is sport for the lark!"

Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden: "I'll not stay a gaddin', Wid dagoes like you!

I'll travel no farther, I'm dyin' for--wather;-- Come on, if ye like,-- Can ye loan me a quather?

Ya-as, you-- What,--two?

And ye'll pay the potheen? Ye're a daisy! Whurroo!

You'll do!

Whist! Mark!

The Rigiment's flattered to own ye, me spark!"

_Robert W. Chambers._

OFFICER BRADY

THE MODERN RECRUIT

I

Sez Alderman Grady To Officer Brady: "G'wan! Ye're no lady!

Luk here what ye've done: Ye've run in Red Hogan, Ye've pulled Paddy Grogan, Ye've fanned Misther Brogan An' called him a 'gun'!

"Way up in Tammany Hall They's a gintleman layin' f'r you!

'An' what,' sez he, 't' 'ell,' sez he, 'Does the villyun mane to do?

Lock up the a.s.s in his shtall!

He'll rue the day I rue, F'r he's pulled the dive that kapes me alive, An' he'll go to the goats! Whurroo!'"

II

Sez Alderman Grady To Officer Brady: "Ye pinched young Mullady F'r crackin' a safe!

An' Sinitor Moran An' Alderman Doran Is inside, a-roarin'

F'r justice, ye thafe!

"'Way up in Tammany Hall They's a gintleman layin' f'r you!

'What's this,' sez he, 'I hear?' sez he-- An' the air, bedad, grew blue!

'Well, I nivver did hear av such gall!

But if phwat ye say is thrue, He's pulled a fri'nd av a fri'nd av me fri'nd, An' he'll go to the goats! Whurroo!"

III

Sez Alderman Grady To Officer Brady: "Here's Sullivan's lady Cavoortin' an' riled; She lifted a locket From Casey's coat pocket, An' it goes to the docket, An' Sullivan's wild!

"'Way up in Tammany Hall They's a gintleman layin' f'r you!