The New Pun Book Part 4

MR. BIXBY--Have you noticed how much better I rest after a day's fis.h.i.+ng?

MRS. BIXBY--No; but I have noticed how much easier you lie after a day's fis.h.i.+ng than upon other days.

"Nature never allows anything to run to waist."

"Humph! You've never seen a Vermont girl of forty."

"What's the matter here?"

"Man broke his neck."

"What story did he fall from?"

"Didn't fall--tried to see the top of the building."

According to a florist's magazine "Jacks are becoming cheap."

This may be true, but we have known men who would have been willing to pay $10 for one to put with the two already in their hands.

JOHNNY--What makes you look so tired?

TOMMY--My step-mother is sick end now I'll get licked before every meal. The doctor says she must take exercise on an empty stomach.

BROWN--"Peckhen has arrived safe. I just received a cablegram from him."

SMITH--"Did he have a rough voyage?"

BROWN--"No; his wife didn't go."

"Oh, live and let live, my man."

"Yes, I'd look well, wouldn't I? I'm a butcher."

SMITH--I notice that Robinson has an article in the paper this morning.

JONES--Indeed! I didn't see it. What was it?

SMITH--His spring overcoat. He was taking it to the tailor to be pressed and cleaned.

When Lot found his wife transformed into a pillar of salt, he was wise enough to let it go at that and not take a fresh one.

SOLOMAN SOLOMAN--Our frent Cohen must pe goin' t' haf a fire.

ISAAC ISAACS--Vy?

SOLOMAN SOLOMAN--Vell, he took oud an inshoorance bolicy yeste'day.

"A telephone girl always reminds me of a pictured saint."

"Why?"

"There is a continual 'h.e.l.lo' around her head."

A husband and wife are considered one, but it is useless to try to work that gag on the landlord when he presents the board bill.

"You haven't a cent, and yet wish to marry Miss Bilyan. Don't you expect her father to kick you out?"

"Oh, no I intend to go before the footlights."