The New Pun Book Part 52

There is as much strength in an egg as in a pound of meat.

Gotabug--I should say so. I've smelt eggs that had more strength than a hundred pounds of beef.

A sporty young fellow named Phipps Last night went to view the eclipse.

The moon looked so queer.

He set up a cheer, The truth was he'd been taking nips.

"For mercy sake, don't put me near old Billions!" said Mrs.

Lookyoung to her friend.

"Why not?" said the other. "He's awfully interesting."

"I know it," said Mrs. Lookyoung, "but I never sit next to him at dinner but that he blurts out something like, 'You remember back in the old pioneer days!'"

Mary had a little waist Where waists were meant to grow, And everywhere the fas.h.i.+ons went Her waist was sure to go.

"This is an interesting clock, Miss," said the salesman, "you really should have one, especially if you're bothered with tiresome callers."

"It's merely a cuckoo clock, isn't it?" asked Miss May Pechis.

"Yes, but beginning at 10 P.M., instead of saying 'cuck-koo'

every quarter hour it yells: 'Go home! Go home!'"

Mike--Yus, poor Sullivan is dead. He hadn't got an enemy in the world.

Pat--What did he die of?

Mike--Oh; he wur killed in a foight.

"You shouldn't drink your whiskey without water."

"Why not?"

"You'll ruin the coat of your stomach."

"Oh, well-it's an old coat, anyhow."

"Why do they make those Oriental pipes with bowls as big as water pitchers?" asked the inquisitive girl.

"Those," answered the wise woman, "are for men who have promised that they will confine their smoking to one pipe after each meal."

The detective at the boarding house table having satisfied himself that n.o.body had observed him, folded up his magnifying gla.s.s and put it back in his pocket.

"Yes," he said to himself, "they've got the same girl they had when I was here two years ago. I recognize her thumb print in the b.u.t.ter."

"Pa, what branches did you take when you went to school?"

"I never went to high school, son, but when I attended the little log school-house they used mostly hickory and beech and willow."

"Did you ever consider the case of the boy who stood on the burning deck?"

"Not particularly. Why?"

"Well, the game was poker and the hand had been dealt from the burning deck was a corker; so, as he didn't want to lose any chances, he--but you see?"

"I don't know as I do."

"Why, he stood pat."

The Governess--What happened when the man killed the goose that laid the golden egg, Margie?

Little Margie--Why, I guess his goose was cooked.