Book of Etiquette Volume I Part 5

_1875 1900 Mr. and Mrs. Henry Guy Ascher At Home Wednesday evening, May third after eight o'clock Thirty-two Pine Street_

_1863 1913 Mr. and Mrs. Henry Guy Ascher request the pleasure of your company on the Fiftieth Anniversary of their marriage on Thursday, June the third at eight o'clock Thirty-two Pine Street_

INFORMAL WEDDING INVITATION

When a recent death in the family, or when personal preference results in a so-called "quiet" wedding, when only the immediate family and very close friends are invited, a short note written either by the bride-to-be or her mother, is the only invitation. Following is a note of this kind from the bride-elect to her friend--and immediately below it the correct form of acknowledgment:

_Dear Janet:_

_Two weeks from Monday, on the ninth of September, Mr. Brill and I are to be married. We are asking only a few of our most intimate friends to be present, and would be very glad to have you among them. The ceremony will take place at four o'clock._

_With kindest regards, I am_

_Sincerely yours,_

_Harriet B. Howe._

_Dear Harriet:_

_I shall be delighted to attend your wedding on September ninth, at four o'clock._

_With cordial good wishes to you and Mr. Brill, I am_

_Sincerely yours,_

_Janet B. Robbins._

ACKNOWLEDGING THE FORMAL WEDDING INVITATION

When a breakfast or reception card is included, a response must be made promptly. The form of the invitation should be followed as nearly as possible. It is written on the first page of a sheet of social note paper, and addressed to the parents or guardians of the bride. Here is the form used for acceptance:

_Mr. and Mrs. John Mortimer accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs. Henry B. Fletcher's kind invitation to be present at the marriage of their daughter Helen Marie to Mr. Thomas Wolcott on Tuesday, the seventh of May at twelve o'clock and afterward at the wedding breakfast_

Regrets are usually worded in this manner, following closely the invitation. The reason for non-attendance may or may not be given:

_Mr. and Mrs. John Mortimer exceedingly regret that they are unable to accept Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher's kind invitation to be present at the marriage of their daughter Helen Marie to Mr. Thomas Wolcott on Tuesday, the seventh of May at twelve o'clock and afterward at the wedding breakfast_

In the fourth line of the first acknowledgment above the two last words "at the" may be prefixed to the fifth line; the same holds true of the fifth line of the second acknowledgment. A good stationer will be able to give you the exact prevalent vogue in this matter.

WHOM TO INVITE

It is necessary for the young man and woman who are about to be married to make out their list of those to whom invitations are to be sent together. If the wedding is to be a large affair, not only their friends but the friends of their parents as well, and business acquaintances of both families should be invited. Relatives and friends in mourning should be invited but no resentment should be felt if they do not attend. If the wedding is a small one great care should be taken lest the guests are so numerous as to overcrowd the church or home.

Especially is this true of the home where the s.p.a.ce is usually more circ.u.mscribed.

SENDING THE INVITATIONS

All invitations should come from the home of the bride, even those that are for the personal friends of her husband even if they are unknown to the bride. They should be mailed from one month to two weeks or ten days before the day set for the wedding. If the bride is an orphan they are sent in the name of her nearest relative. If there is an older brother they may be issued in his name, but never in the name of a sister unless she is a great deal older than the bride or is herself a married woman. If the bride has lost one parent and the other has remarried she may use her own judgment as to whether to send the invitation in the name of her parent or in the names of them both. The latter is usually preferred, as a matter of consideration toward the step-parent.

RECALLING THE WEDDING INVITATION

A sudden death in the family, illness, accident, or other serious happening, warrants the recall of wedding invitations. The parents of the bride should immediately notify guests of the postponement of the wedding, by issuing printed cards. A good size for these cards is three and a quarter inches in length by one and one-quarter inches in width.

The text is usually worded in this manner:

_Owing to the sudden death of Mr. Henry Robert's father, Mr. and Mrs. James Curtis are compelled to recall the invitations for their daughter's wedding on Thursday, February the fourth._

or

_Mr. and Mrs. James Curtis beg to recall the invitations issued for the marriage of their daughter, Grace Helen, and Mr. Henry Roberts, on Thursday, February the fourth._

BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT

A broken engagement is always embarra.s.sing for both the young man and the young lady. Friends, if they are truly well-bred, will not ask questions, and relatives will not demand explanations. The obligations which such a situation entails are unpleasant, but it is infinitely better to go through the ordeal than to face a marriage which is certain to end in disaster.

At such a time it is important for the young lady to have the utmost dignity and self-possession. She is not expected to make any announcement or offer any explanations. If a reception has been scheduled, her mother sends brief notes or engraved cards to those who have been invited, informing them that the engagement has been broken.

The young lady, if she wishes, may confide in her intimate friends; but to be bitter, to condemn her former suitor in any way, to suggest that perhaps he was not all that she thought he was at first, not only reflects on her own good judgment, but is very poor form and shows lack of delicacy.

If the announcement of the engagement has been made in the papers such a notice as this might be inserted in the name of the person or persons who first made the announcement:

_Mr. and Mrs. C. D. Simmons announce that by mutual consent the engagement between their daughter Agnes and George Francis Richards is at an end._

If invitations have been sent out a similar announcement may be dispatched to each intended guest. These should be engraved on white cards of the size recommended by the stationer.

If the engagement was announced only to intimate friends the bride should send each of them a note stating that the engagement is at an end. It is much better _never_ to give an explanation. Such occasions as this must have given rise to the proverb, "Least said, soonest mended." Even to the bride's dearest friend the following note is sufficient:

_Bellevue, June 1, 19--_

_Dear Ruth:_

_Since I wrote you last week something has happened which has made George and me reconsider our engagement. You will therefore please disregard the invitation for Thursday afternoon._

_Ever sincerely yours,_

_Margaret Franklin._

RETURNING GIFTS

When an engagement is broken off the young people return all expensive gifts and all letters that have pa.s.sed between them. The young lady always, of course, returns the engagement ring.

If wedding presents have been received from friends these also must be returned with a brief note explaining that the wedding is not to take place. It is necessary to thank the donor as warmly as if nothing had happened.

It takes a great deal of courage to face the situation bravely and to go through it without a sacrifice of dignity. One thing must be remembered: _Don't be afraid of what people will say._ It is not their happiness which is at stake.