The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 54

March.--Enter procession, heralding Mikado, with Katisha.

Entrance of Mikado and Katisha.

("March of the Mikado's troops.")

CHORUS. Miya sama, miya sama, On n'm-ma no maye ni Pira-Pira suru no wa Nan gia na Toko tonyare tonyare na?

DUET--MIKADO and KATISHA.

MIK. From every kind of man Obedience I expect; I'm the Emperor of j.a.pan--

KAT. And I'm his daughter-in-law elect!

He'll marry his son (He's only got one) To his daughter-in-law elect!

MIK. My morals have been declared Particularly correct;

KAT. But they're nothing at all, compared With those of his daughter-in-law elect!

Bow--Bow-- To his daughter-in-law elect!

ALL. Bow--Bow-- To his daughter-in-law elect.

MIK. In a fatherly kind of way I govern each tribe and sect, All cheerfully own my sway--

KAT. Except his daughter-in-law elect!

As tough as a bone, With a will of her own, Is his daughter-in-law elect!

MIK. My nature is love and light-- My freedom from all defect--

KAT. Is insignificant quite, Compared with his daughter-in-law elect!

Bow--Bow-- To his daughter-in-law elect!

ALL. Bow--Bow-- To his daughter-in-law elect!

SONG--MIKADO and CHORUS.

A more humane Mikado never Did in j.a.pan exist, To n.o.body second, I'm certainly reckoned A true philanthropist.

It is my very humane endeavour To make, to some extent, Each evil liver A running river Of harmless merriment.

My object all sublime I shall achieve in time-- To let the punishment fit the crime-- The punishment fit the crime; And make each prisoner pent Unwillingly represent A source of innocent merriment!

Of innocent merriment!

All prosy dull society sinners, Who chatter and bleat and bore, Are sent to hear sermons From mystical Germans Who preach from ten till four.

The amateur tenor, whose vocal villainies All desire to s.h.i.+rk, Shall, during off-hours, Exhibit his powers To Madame Tussaud's waxwork.

The lady who dyes a chemical yellow Or stains her grey hair puce, Or pinches her figure, Is painted with vigour With permanent walnut juice.

The idiot who, in railway carriages, Scribbles on window-panes, We only suffer To ride on a buffer In Parliamentary trains.

My object all sublime, etc.

CHORUS. His object all sublime, etc.

The advertising quack who wearies With tales of countless cures, His teeth, I've enacted, Shall all be extracted By terrified amateurs.

The music-hall singer attends a series Of ma.s.ses and fugues and "ops"

By Bach, interwoven With Spohr and Beethoven, At cla.s.sical Monday Pops.

The billiard sharp who any one catches, His doom's extremely hard-- He's made to dwell-- In a dungeon cell On a spot that's always barred.

And there he plays extravagant matches In fitless finger-stalls On a cloth untrue With a twisted cue And elliptical billiard b.a.l.l.s!

My object all sublime, etc.

CHORUS. His object all sublime, etc.

Enter Pooh-Bah, Ko-Ko, and Pitti-Sing. All kneel

(Pooh-Bah hands a paper to Ko-Ko.)

KO. I am honoured in being permitted to welcome your Majesty. I guess the object of your Majesty's visit--your wishes have been attended to. The execution has taken place.

MIK. Oh, you've had an execution, have you?

KO. Yes. The Coroner has just handed me his certificate.

POOH. I am the Coroner. (Ko-Ko hands certificate to Mikado.) MIK. And this is the certificate of his death. (Reads.) "At t.i.tipu, in the presence of the Lord Chancellor, Lord Chief Justice, Attorney-General, Secretary of State for the Home Department, Lord Mayor, and Groom of the Second Floor Front----"

POOH. They were all present, your Majesty. I counted them myself.

MIK. Very good house. I wish I'd been in time for the performance.

KO. A tough fellow he was, too--a man of gigantic strength.

His struggles were terrific. It was a remarkable scene.

MIK. Describe it.

TRIO and CHORUS.

KO-KO, PITTI-SING, POOH-BAH and CHORUS.

KO. The criminal cried, as he dropped him down, In a state of wild alarm-- With a frightful, frantic, fearful frown, I bared my big right arm.

I seized him by his little pig-tail, And on his knees fell he, As he squirmed and struggled, And gurgled and guggled, I drew my snickersnee!

Oh, never shall I Forget the cry, Or the shriek that shrieked he, As I gnashed my teeth, When from its sheath I drew my snickersnee!

CHORUS.

We know him well, He cannot tell Untrue or groundless tales-- He always tries To utter lies, And every time he fails.

PITTI. He s.h.i.+vered and shook as he gave the sign For the stroke he didn't deserve; When all of a sudden his eye met mine, And it seemed to brace his nerve; For he nodded his head and kissed his hand, And he whistled an air, did he, As the sabre true Cut cleanly through His cervical vertebrae!

When a man's afraid, A beautiful maid Is a cheering sight to see; And it's oh, I'm glad That moment sad Was soothed by sight of me!

CHORUS.

Her terrible tale You can't a.s.sail, With truth it quite agrees: Her taste exact For faultless fact Amounts to a disease.

POOH. Now though you'd have said that head was dead (For its owner dead was he), It stood on its neck, with a smile well-bred, And bowed three times to me!

It was none of your impudent off-hand nods, But as humble as could be; For it clearly knew The deference due To a man of pedigree!