The New Pun Book Part 21

The impecunious young man who marries a girl with a substantial check attached may very properly be said to have been checkmated.

VISITOR--I suppose you have a great deal of poetry sent into you for publication?

EDITOR--No, not very much poetry as a rule; some of it is verse, and some of it is worse.

"What is your idea of happiness?"

"Nothing to do and lots of time to do it in."

--So Ethel is to marry that young Bob Halstey; why, he has been jilted by half a dozen girls.

--Case of being well shaken before taken, I suppose.

"I've been pondering over a very singular thing."

"What is it?"

"How putting a ring on a woman's third finger should place you under that woman's thumb."

They cannot be complete in aught Who are not humorously p.r.o.ne; A man without a merry thought Can hardly have a funny bone.

TEACHER--Johnny, can you tell me what a section boss is?

JOHNNY--The conductor of a sleeping-car.

PERSONAL--"'A young woman, to whom black is particularly becoming, would like to meet a gentleman in poor health; object, widowhood.'"

"I am told lynching is a pastime in this section."

"Well, we do loop the loop occasionally."

"The house a lawyer once enjoy'd, Now to a smith doth pa.s.s; How naturally the _iron_ age Succeeds the _age of bra.s.s_!"

TOMd.i.c.k--I'd like to find some girl willing to marry me.

ANDARRY--Ah! You want one ready maid.

TEACHER--Yes, dear; ova refers to an egg.

w.i.l.l.y--Then when they throw bad eggs at an actor he gets a literal ovation, I s'pose.

IKEY--Fader, is "imbegunious" undt "inzolvent" der same?

FADER--Nodt at all! "Imbegunious" is ven a man has got no more money, undt "inzolvent" is ven his greditors has got about all der money dey are goin' to get.

SHE--"Are you fond of tea?"

HE--"Yes; but I like the next letter better."

It was the morning after, and he wanted a small favor.

"I admit that I am temporarily hard up," he said, "but that's because I can't realize."

"Can't realize on what?"

"On my thirst. If I could only sell that thirst for half what it cost me I'd be all right."